Disgusting thoughts I cant get out of my head!!

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Wizardof.., Apr 4, 2021.

  1. Wizardof..

    Wizardof.. New Fapstronaut

    This is my first post here, I've been an addict for easily 20 years and struggling to give up. I cant seem to go for more than a week! I watch everything from straight, trans and gay. I've recently been put on meds due to depression so now more than every I'm committed to give the crazy addiction up, also my marriage is suffering so it needs to stop!

    Unfortunately i had a recent binge I came across a gay incest video involving 2 brothers.. and since seeing it i cant get the thought of this sexual act being carried out between me and my brother, it absolutely disgusts me but it doesn't get out my head. Btw I've never liked incest porn at all.

    I've been married for a couple of years and I have always liked women, I cant seen to get this image out of my head!! I've literally had sleepless nights and thinking I've officially gone mad!

    Just wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything similar, its driving me crazy!
    AlexAlexAlexAlexAlex likes this.
  2. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    This is very common. Your brain search for the unusual, for the taboo, because fear and disgust gives the ultimate high. It's especially noticeable in people who are far along in their sexual addiction where "normal" no longer "does it" for them. Obsessive, very disruptive and uncomfortable thoughts are to be expected at this point. Your brain is damaged and need to grow back in some parts that controls inhibition.

    You are on antidepressants; great. These upregulate something called BDNF, that helps the brain reconstruct and grow new synapses. Excercise and food that nurture your microbiome does the same.

    In the meantime, the first months you are on antidepressants, expect to feel worse. This is normal. The true power of these meds take a long time to really work. Many give in after some weeks when they feel like shit. Don't; hang in there. Remember what you are experiencing is not really you at this point, but a distorted version.
  3. Relax. You are not alone. Many of us have had similar experiences. (For me, there are a handful of "disgusting" or "degrading" scenarios that play over and over in my mind - the most difficult one is imagining my girlfriend having sex with other men)
    If you fixate on not having the thoughts, you'll just have them more. Accept it. Many people have similar or comparable thoughts. Maybe (and perhaps with the help of a professional, spend a fixed amount of time looking deeper into it . . . is there something unresolved from your past that is coming up?). That is hard to do, it takes courage and it is called work.

    Besides that, let it go. Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.

    And I love what @Lilla_My wrote, for it reminds us all that this is a disease of the brain. We need to retrain our brains. Best way to do that is to challenge your brain to focus on something that has nothing to do with sex . . . and probably the best example of this would be: learn a new language. Think about it. Your brain literally has to learn an entire language, all over again. Let this one be associated with healthy things, not porn.

    Oh, and stating the obvious: stay away from porn! That's what got you into this mess.
    Wizardof.. likes this.
  4. Trash545415

    Trash545415 Fapstronaut

    An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You've taken poor regards towards your mental health and now you are experiencing some of the side effects. It is okay, and help is always present. Stop obsessing over something so trivial as thoughts and live your life as you. You spend too much time thinking about things that aren't real or true. You are not gay, you are not into incest; you just let your brain be persuaded. If you put a stop to the guilt and the shame things will get better due time.
  5. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

    Do you have a history of intrusive thoughts?
  6. BigBob73

    BigBob73 Fapstronaut

    I've been through similar things. The trand porn was the start. I even ended up on Grindr and had convinced myself I wanted to fuck a man. Suddenly I looked in the mirror and realized what I was going to do. I've never been attracted to men ever. It was just the extremity of it that was giving me the high, not the act itself.

    Those urges have gone now, but been replaced with thoughts of an ex literally shitting on me. Again, it's the disgust that gives me the high. All very odd.

    What I can tell you is that I went 1 year without porn and I did somewhat return to normal. Especially when it came to having sex with women, I was more turned on and eager than when on porn. I'm just starting again on my path to get clean of porn. These first days have been so tough.
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  7. J053H32n4nd32

    J053H32n4nd32 Fapstronaut

    I've had disgusting thoughts about other people. I used to look at celebrity sex tapes on p*rnhub.
  8. Cognac56

    Cognac56 Fapstronaut


    I was exposed to porn at a very early age (7 or 8yrs old). I was also exposed to the dicks of older relatives. In addition, I was body shamed and taunted severely by peers for having a small penis.

    This left me with a deep desire for a larger dick throughout my childhood, up till today.

    This has led to me being a voyoeur, constantly checking out other guys who have larger dicks and wishing I had theirs.

    I feel uncomfortable and ashamed around guys who have larger dicks cos Im afraid I'll do something sexual.

    Sometimes its uncontrollable and guys even notice and look at me as gay.

    I keep away from people so they wont notice this side of me and judge me.

    But I really crave healthy affirmative, non sexual bonding with other guys. So badly. I've cut off from so many friends because of this. I feel so much pain and lonliness.

    I know its those childhood formative experiences that messed me up so royally.

    Whatever gay advocates say, I know that that lifestyle is ridiculously unhealthy and destructive physically and psychologically. The disease stats among gay men(especially) say it all..

    I would rather not fall into that lifestyle but I dont know how long I can keep struggling with this wound/issue.

    Someone please help...
    pancakebaker99 likes this.
  9. Cognac56

    Cognac56 Fapstronaut


    To add to this, I also veered off into gay porn in order to 'desensitize myself to the sight of other guys' dicks'. But this hasnt seemed to work. It just makes me sexualize/eroticize other guys even more.

    I could really use some help....

    Goodstart and (deleted member) like this.
  10. jaguar18

    jaguar18 Fapstronaut

    yooo! Don't know where you're getting your 'info' from, but I would encourage you to reconsider your POV. Gay lifestyle is categorically no more unhealthy/damaging that any other sexual orientation. It sounds like maybe you are projecting your own fears, insecurities and self-doubt onto the whole idea of homosexuality.

    It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding on the role that your childhood experiences (traumas?) have played in your sexual development in later life. Have you been to therapy? It sounds like maybe you have. We all (or most of us, anyway) struggle with our sexuality at some point in our life. Maybe in some instances this really is something to do with things we experienced in our childhood, but I think for the most part it is wholly 'natural' (whatever that means). Please don't use your own uncertainties around your sexuality to tarnish the whole gay community, as it seems slightly unfair and unjust.
  11. intrusive thoughts like this should go away after a while, you should see a therapist if they don't
    Gina3111 likes this.

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