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Distrustful of women in general

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by determined488, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Contrary to what everyone says about being respectful to women in general, I've found myself going against the grain on this one. I do not trust a single female, including family members that are women. I feel distrustful because I've had my trust used against me in past relationships which caused me deep loneliness. I believe that women are undeserving of my time and energy, and being that I am a virgin, I have a belief that I must have sex for the first time with a girl that I love. However, at this point I feel I am incapable of feeling love for any woman. If at a point in my nofap journey I do find myself in a relationship with a girl, I do not trust myself to be faithful. I know I will cheat on her, Period. I've never cheated on any girl I've dated before, but I've been cheated on, twice. I also find myself being very judgmental of women when they engage in conversation with me first. All suggestions/comments are welcome.
     
    Millenial likes this.
  2. I'm sorry to hear about your past experiences. I've had two long-term relationships in the past, both of which ended in me being left for another man. It's a very hurtful thing and I wish you Godspeed in learning to let go of this resentment.

    Of course, you are free to live your life in any way you please. If multiple short-term relationships or polyamory are the path to happiness for you then by all means go ahead, although I would suggest being straight up with your partners from the start of your intentions if you want to avoid significant drama.

    I felt some of the things you are feeling a while back, and I have a bit of food for thought for you to chew over. It's easy for us to blame the other party, but often there is some self-reflection to be done when hurtful things occur. For example, my relationships ended due to depressive episodes. I identified the issue and have sought treatment and I am now on the road to recovery.

    Obviously mental health issues are a fairly obvious cause for relationship breakdown, but it even goes down to the amount of time we devote to one another. I read some psychological literature which quantified the amount of time required to devote to a relationship to keep the things stable. The minimum was two 1-on-1 dates a week, and at least 2 hours a week discussing the future (in a realistic and matter-of-fact way, rather than a cutesy, idealistic way). I found that interesting, this minimum requirement is even more work than I put into either of my previous relationships.

    If we can put ourselves effectively into our exes shoes, or truly understand our exes motivations, it often becomes clear why things didn't work out.
     
    Woodcutter74 likes this.
  3. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    True, often we let wounded pride and ego let us wallow in self pity, when we should probably try to understand what the other person was going through. Sometimes a wonderful woman can love you, but breaks it off because she is going through a lot of difficult things in her life....
     
  4. I think anyone who has enterted the dating field has at times had the trust misused it happens and its very easy to get pissed and distrustfull of women but one thing I learned was that a negitve attitude was not the way , As long as I let those negative thoughts and emotions enter my mind and think about them they owned me I learned I could be free of it if I didn't dwell on the negative I learned that I could ether be a prisoner of the past or a free man looking toward the future , its your decision?
     
  5. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Good way to think about it, but I don't feel sorry for the two girls that cheated on me. Nor do I feel as if I should feel shameful for not wishing them the best in life. I actually hope their lives are filled with misery and despair for what they did to me, I was so good to them & I treated them so well. It was only until I found out what they had done did I begin to become cold towards them. When my first girlfriend cheated on me and I found out, I confronted her about it and broke up with her. A month later she texted saying she missed me and like an idiot I fell for it and continued texting her back. As for her motivations, she probably just wanted sex often, and being that I didn't live that close to her, she found a guy that was able to do that. But its fucked up that she was talking to me the whole time. I wish she would have just cut me off from the start. That led to the second relationship a year later that when the new girl broke my heart, I vowed to never speak to her again. If I see either of them again I want to be in a position where I have the lifestyle that makes them regret ever leaving me.

    I don't know why I'm currently feeling this way, I'm really a good guy and I'm just super hurt by repressed emotions. However, I feel like stating my intentions from the start would not make me satisfied. I want to know how it feels to be the cheater of a relationship. See if that will affect a girls emotions the way it did mine. My intentions deep down are good, and I want to live a good life, but my thoughts and environment keep leading me back to PMO as an escape, and if I stop PMO, I end up drinking alcohol and becoming more negative.

    Also my family expects me to live a structured way of life. Get married, have 1 wife, 2 kids, a house, a few cars, and live nice with them. I'm 20 years old, But honestly I don't feel like that is the life I want for myself. I want to be a bachelor, engage with multiple women, travel the world, stay in penthouses, experience exotic places, and wake up every day feeling like I'm on my life purpose.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I don't care what they were going through, and I feel like they don't deserve someone like me in their lives. I am the provider and take care of business, all I ever wanted was to feel loved and accepted. I know I sound self-centered and I am aware of that, but at the end of the day, I don't feel like I have to be the one that ends up having to understand them. The point is, they will never understand the pain they caused me and continue to live their lives without a second thought. For that I hope they regret leaving me.
     
    Clerk373 likes this.
  7. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I think its time to let go of the past and embrace the present. I feel like my subconscious emotions cause me to PMO and lose grip on the reality of life. Porn messes with my mind and makes me think being mean causes me to gain power. Even though it may make me better financially because I am disciplined, it causes my love and happiness levels to plummet. I know what I need to do but I am scared to be open to love because the two times it took me so much courage to get the girls, they cheated on me and I really don't want to get hurt like that again. I don't want to feel that same pain or even worse ever again.
     
  8. JourneyMan16

    JourneyMan16 Fapstronaut

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    There are different types of women, the ones you found are the cheating types. You must find one that is different from the rest. I do not know how to describe it to you but you will know when the time comes.
     
  9. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I really do hope that time does come, I hate being deceived by women. But does this mean I have to be with a girl I “love” to have sex for the first time? Or will a prostitute work as well?
     
  10. JourneyMan16

    JourneyMan16 Fapstronaut

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  11. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    What makes you think you'll be unfaithful?
     
  12. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I think it’s because i’m More afraid the girl will cheat on me, and I don’t want to be hurt like that ever again
     
  13. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I agree, it is hard to overcome this pain especially when there is no one I can talk to in my real life.
     
  14. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    Did you use to put women on a pedestal in the past? If the answer is a sound YES you might be beginning to see the unpleasant face of reality. I myself used to idealize women once I started to see how women really are I felt abysmally hopeless and I am still coming to terms with it. It's not easy to find a middle ground because the weak man will attempt to invalidate you, the bastard will mock you and women will call you a sexist. Take your time and unlearn what society taught you about love, marriage, and work altogether. Once you get rid of the rubbish in your mind you will think more clearly. Some people are lucky enough to have a strong male role model in their lives, so they can learn how to behave around women properly, but many of us are left for ourselves in that regard, and as result, we get screwed badly.
     
  15. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    That was well said, and it proves my point of how hurt I am and no one cares about it because I'm a male. I want the girls who have cheated on me to live miserably for doing that to me. I'm not saying it in a mean way, but people on here do tell me to open my heart up and all of this softcore bs, I don't want love. I feel if I open myself up to love and allowing women to come into my life, I know that they will manipulate me into getting what they want. Sad but true reality of a young man.
     
  16. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly you make so much sense, I tried to vent to my brother about it and he says I have issues with women. Which I do, and I never have anyone that I can speak to without judgement that can understand where I'm coming from when I speak like this. I have been hurt tremendously by women, and its like they don't even care that they did something so harmful to me. I never did anything wrong to women in my life, I've always been the nice guy. But it kills me to know that when I am mean to them they enjoy that, I don't only distrust women. I hate women in general. Really it hurts knowing that I am 21 years old and I cannot find a girl my age range who is a virgin. They've either been raped as a child or are complete whores. I am frustrated so much that I cannot even speak to anyone about this either. It's eating me alive. It makes me not want to ever have kids in my life.
     
    Bad_hombre likes this.
  17. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    I presume that the kind of love that you're talking about is what people taught you that love should be like. It's an outright lie. This fake thing that you see in movies and nauseating romantic talk is a male chastiser. How many times did you see girls running after jerks while using or ignoring the "nice" guys around them? Your anger is what you need to leave this cruel lie and face life. There's a time for everything.

    I strongly recommend the books "No more Mr.Nice guy" and "the way of the superior man" there might be some guidance for you. I'm still pissed for the lack of support from men when we get through hard times like these. If a woman rejects or betrays you people say that it's your fault. It doesn't make sense at all.
     
    determined488 likes this.
  18. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    Correctamundo, besides getting hurt you still have to wonder if they're not implying that you are weak. Perfectly understandable your situation. Purging the devil is a nervous wreck experience. At 21 you may have to let go of the virgin thing the jerks are the ones who eat the cake first. You may consider writing down what you feel so you feel less alone in your journey. In all honesty, I think that most women are emotionally underdeveloped, and we have to deal with it if we want a relationship or screening really hard at the risk of never finding the jackpot.
     
    determined488 likes this.
  19. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Raise of hands anyone, who thinks women are the problem here or perhaps the OP?
     
    Gmork likes this.
  20. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    You do have a point, but I will use this anger energy and harness it into gaining power for myself financially. I will transmute my sex energy to gain respect and notoriety in the field of sales, and use the money to buy myself a life of luxury. I hope the ones who have done me wrong live a life of pure stagnation and never see the light of me again. They took advantage of me when I was younger and naive, now it is my turn to relentlessly gain power and embarrass them if we ever happen to cross paths again. I know I come off sounding like a bad guy, but in reality I'm just torn between wanting to love again and wanting people to fear me for my power. As of now, power seems like the best option for me to attain.
     

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