Divorced, Recovering from porn escalation

[cascadence27]

I’m on day 5 of no PMO, and thankfully no urges to relapse as of now.

There’s one thing though. I am feeling dull and empty from inside as I decided to even give up smoking weed for a while. I finished the last of my stash yesterday.

I have smoked a lot last few months since the divorce, so I thought now is a time to take a break from it as I continue to do NoFap.

I am confident that I will stretch my no PMO streaks, but I can’t say about the weed. I think I will miss smoking it in a few days and end up getting it again.

Can anyone experienced with smoking pot tell me if quitting it along with NoFap would help with the reboot or not?

 

[Do all to the glory of God]

I’m on day 5 of no PMO, and thankfully no urges to relapse as of now.

There’s one thing though. I am feeling dull and empty from inside as I decided to even give up smoking weed for a while. I finished the last of my stash yesterday.

I have smoked a lot last few months since the divorce, so I thought now is a time to take a break from it as I continue to do NoFap.

I am confident that I will stretch my no PMO streaks, but I can’t say about the weed. I think I will miss smoking it in a few days and end up getting it again.

Can anyone experienced with smoking pot tell me if quitting it along with NoFap would help with the reboot or not?

Sorry, I have no experience with addictive drug use. But I just want to encourage you to stay the course, even if you feel "dull" as you say. Know that such a feeling is normal, and most might consider that a typical withdrawal symptom. Withdrawing from orgasms, this feeling, along with other symptoms like insomnia/sleeplessness, loneliness, loss of appetite (some might compensate the other way with overeating), feeling that nothing brings you pleasure anymore, inability to concentrate/focus--these symptoms, and more, are all part of the withdrawal, and, depending on the individual, they may last several months or more. In my case, I had fairly severe insomnia (kept waking up in the middle of the night and couldn't get to sleep again--but then would feel tired the next day) for over two months of no orgasms (not even wet dreams). I eventually made it over six months on so-called "hard mode." By the end of that time I was beginning to feel a little better. But, wow, what a journey to get there!

In my case, I _did_ notice that women seemed more attracted to me during that time. I realize that is an ongoing debate here, whether or not that is a real phenomenon. I'm not sure if it is, or not, for perhaps I was just hypersensitive to notice more during that time than I might normally have. But I was hardly trying to get women attracted to me--I would never have been needing to abstain had my wife been with me! With my wife away, my spirits were almost always on the "low" end.

Despite the withdrawal symptoms, and I had some severe ones, knowing that I was doing the right thing made it all worthwhile. The longer you continue in the right track, the more you feel this advantage--it helps you feel much better about yourself, and is well worth staying the course.

Take courage! You can do it!

 

[cascadence27]

Sorry, I have no experience with addictive drug use. But I just want to encourage you to stay the course, even if you feel "dull" as you say. Know that such a feeling is normal, and most might consider that a typical withdrawal symptom. Withdrawing from orgasms, this feeling, along with other symptoms like insomnia/sleeplessness, loneliness, loss of appetite (some might compensate the other way with overeating), feeling that nothing brings you pleasure anymore, inability to concentrate/focus--these symptoms, and more, are all part of the withdrawal, and, depending on the individual, they may last several months or more. In my case, I had fairly severe insomnia (kept waking up in the middle of the night and couldn't get to sleep again--but then would feel tired the next day) for over two months of no orgasms (not even wet dreams). I eventually made it over six months on so-called "hard mode." By the end of that time I was beginning to feel a little better. But, wow, what a journey to get there!

In my case, I _did_ notice that women seemed more attracted to me during that time. I realize that is an ongoing debate here, whether or not that is a real phenomenon. I'm not sure if it is, or not, for perhaps I was just hypersensitive to notice more during that time than I might normally have. But I was hardly trying to get women attracted to me--I would never have been needing to abstain had my wife been with me! With my wife away, my spirits were almost always on the "low" end.

Despite the withdrawal symptoms, and I had some severe ones, knowing that I was doing the right thing made it all worthwhile. The longer you continue in the right track, the more you feel this advantage--it helps you feel much better about yourself, and is well worth staying the course.

Take courage! You can do it!

It’s early days for me doing no PMO, so I haven’t experienced any withdrawal symptoms as of now from not orgasming like you described.

Even though I don’t like to use the word drug for something like weed, but I think smoking it is fine if done in moderation. Addiction is a problem when it becomes smoking all the time without being able to achieve goals.

Withdrawal symptoms for weed are not even there I think. I smoke a a lot, but when I abstain from it , the worst I feel is very bored and not that enthusiastic about the things I love. That’s why I feel I need to smoke weed to be able to enjoy the things I love. I know it’s not good to smoke that much, but it’s something I have to keep working on.

In the past when I have done a 30 day streak no PMO (my highest till now) ,cravings for extreme porn material had almost disappeared, but my attraction to real women increased. I was feeling some benefits like my confidence level up, even some women checking me out and smiling and my arousal levels kept on increasing whenever looking at an attractive woman. I lost all that progress by relapsing to porn frequently.

You have done 6 months hard mode, Congrats, That’s a great achievement. It’s my dream to be able to achieve that.

Starting with 90 days no PMO first. I hope I am able to achieve it.

 

[Beekind]

You are going through a flatline.
If i were you i would do it gradually.
I don't recommend quiting all addictions at once because this will shock the system and the subconscious mind will retaliate badly.
When your will power fails you ( and it will) , your subconscious will retaliate and believe me you will go on a binge and crash badly. I have experienced it over and over. Read about it here a lot too.
My advice is to be patient and work on your self esteem ,confidence and your identity as a man.
Your new you will reject anything that doesn't belong.

Ask me anything anytime.

 

[cascadence27]

You are going through a flatline.
If i were you i would do it gradually.
I don't recommend quiting all addictions at once because this will shock the system and the subconscious mind will retaliate badly.
When your will power fails you ( and it will) , your subconscious will retaliate and believe me you will go on a binge and crash badly. I have experienced it over and over. Read about it here a lot too.
My advice is to be patient and work on your self esteem ,confidence and your identity as a man.
Your new you will reject anything that doesn't belong.

Ask me anything anytime.

Flatline really? Is it because I have no urges to watch any porn and any other symptoms till now which are harder to control?

I was just viewing a Netflix TV series where there was a make-out scene and I felt really aroused thinking about the girl in it, but I didn’t act on it.

Also I ended up getting some more weed yesterday. So I am not giving that up for a while I guess, but no PMO I am able to do even when I smoke.

I have started exercising 5 times a week with some weights and a few really good machines at my place. I can keep myself relaxed and busy playing my guitar for some time too. I love playing and making music.

I am also not in such great shape physically at the moment. This marriage caused me so much stress that I gained some weight by not taking care of myself. But I’m motivated more than ever to keep working on myself. The next thing to give up will be smoking weed, and cigarettes too which I smoke 2 in a day.

So time just goes by doing all this and many other things that there is just no time to think about watching P and losing my progress.

I am having a lot of thoughts about women, but not in porn, only real life women I have met and the weird thing is that it’s a girl I met through my ex-wife. It’s not sexual thoughts,but thoughts and fantasies about calling or meeting her. They used to work together before. I only met her twice, but I have fantasized about her often. She was really skinny and petite, average looking with a cute and good smile, and I remember feeling attraction towards her even though I was with my ex-wife. I have the girl’s number too and she doesn’t know it, took it from my ex’s phone.

I think I can’t do anything about these thoughts for a while now, but I get tempted at the thought of seeing this girl. I have to keep going with complete focus on my progress first and get better.

 

[cascadence27]

I’m thinking that maybe it’s time to change the title of this thread.

I know it’s just 5 days no PMO, but I’m not feeling any doubts about my sexuality. It could be because I haven’t had any thoughts to relapse to trans or gay porn. I am thinking about women only if you read my earlier posts, and there are no cravings to watch any escalated material as of now. I am feeling really relieved with this, and I know it’s going to get really hard later on in the reboot progress, and urges may be there to even relapse but I just have to say No and keep going with my streak and progress.

 

[Randombro]

I would also like to add that maybe it’s time to change the title of this thread.

I know it’s just 5 days no PMO, but I’m not feeling any doubts about my sexuality. It could be because I haven’t had any thoughts to relapse to trans or gay porn. I am thinking about women only if you read my earlier posts, and there are no cravings to watch any escalated material as of now. I am feeling really relieved with this, and I know it’s going to get really hard later on in the reboot progress, and urges may be there to even relapse but I just have to say No and keep going with my streak and progress.

When you have the urge in the next weeks, just remember that this is a part of your healing process.
The first month everything worked perfect for me but then I got a big urge and anxiety and I relapsed.
Stay strong!

 

[Lovelife247]

It’s a lot to unpack here, I’d say fix you not the past marriage. Stop putting energy into why it didn’t work once you learn from it. Also gotta look in that mirror and say how could it have been different if I didn’t watch porn so much. Own it and overcome you got this!

 

[tonyk1982]

It's good that you are here. You'll find great support and mostly good advice. I wasted 30+ years on a PMO addiction, only in the last year have I made any progress. So do everything you can to end your addiction now and lead a clean life. It will be the foundation upon which you can address all of your other problems. P is not answer to any of your issues. It is only an escape that messes up your mind and heart worse. Being PMO-free will allow you to honestly be in relationships unburdened with the shame and guilt of those private perversions.

 

[cascadence27]

Finished my 1 week streak. On day 8 today.

These last 2 days have been killing me, with heavy arousals thinking about women. I didn’t go as far as watching P or even masturbate to fantasy, but I watched a few YouTube videos with some women talking dirty and teasing. There was no nudity ofc but I felt strong erections and was tempted to jerk off, but I didn’t do anything and just closed the video after watching for a few mins.

I know I probably shouldn’t have watched it but I’m having strong erections thinking about them and also my past sexual experiences with women, even thoughts about sex with my ex-wife.

I really didn’t expect I would feel this horny so quickly by abstaining just for 1 week. My balls are also aching badly because of unreleased semen which I have been so used to taking it out of my body frequently.

I’m thinking I should M and just end the streak, that would calm down the pain in my balls lol, but this progress would be lost.

One good thing is that I haven’t had any thoughts of wanting to watch extreme porn or escalating material.

 

[eagle25]

My balls are also aching badly because of unreleased semen which I have been so used to taking it out of my body frequently.

Hmm I've managed streaks of a few weeks a couple of times and that only happens if I let the thoughts come into my head.

If your body really needs to get rid of semen you'll probably have a wet dream so it's not really an excuse to masturbate.

 

[Do all to the glory of God]

My balls are also aching badly because of unreleased semen which I have been so used to taking it out of my body frequently.

It's almost certainly not your testicles where the real problem is. The problem is your arousal causes what is known as "epididymal hypertension." It's basically a partial erection, in which blood builds up pressure at the base of the penis--you may not notice an actual erection as this is only at the base--and the prolonged "erection" becomes uncomfortable or even painful. Releasing would, of course, temporarily fix the discomfort--the problem is, it would only last between a few hours and a couple of days before you'd likely be right back where you started.

The solution is to avoid so much as thinking about anything that might arouse you. Your thoughts, in this case, very literally can hurt you. Healing is found only in total abstinence--from the thoughts on down. In my experience, the first three weeks were the hardest. Keep going! If you stay the course, before you know it you'll be looking back and realizing how worthwhile it was.

 

[Hugogabs]

Nice decision brother. I know you can do it. Stay strong.

 

[cascadence27]

I am having a lot of thoughts about women, but not in porn, only real life women I have met and the weird thing is that it’s a girl I met through my ex-wife. It’s not sexual thoughts,but thoughts and fantasies about calling or meeting her. They used to work together before. I only met her twice, but I have fantasized about her often. She was really skinny and petite, average looking with a cute and good smile, and I remember feeling attraction towards her even though I was with my ex-wife. I have the girl’s number too and she doesn’t know it, took it from my ex’s phone.

I think I can’t do anything about these thoughts for a while now, but I get tempted at the thought of seeing this girl.

Hello all . It’s been a long time , 4 months I’ve posted anything about my journey or progress.

I honestly would like to say while feeling embarrassed that I could only do a 20 day streak, and then I relapsed to porn ,90% of the time on straight porn and 4 times on feminine gay porn.

After my final relapse to gay porn, I have decided to finally call it quits to that material. I have no confusion about my sexuality anymore and have deleted whatever gay or trans porn I had. It’s been 1 month I’ve been off it, but sexual thoughts about women and urges to watch straight porn have been strong. I know I have failed this challenge and back again on Day 1 now.

So I started this thread again with some of my quotes from 4 months ago about a girl who I was attracted to and wanted to meet.

Here’s what has happened in these 4 months. During my 20 day streak in mid February to March, the clarity of my thoughts and confidence led me to call that girl I was interested in pursuing.
She did feel weird at first as to why I would call her, she is not even close or even good friends with my ex-wife. I told her I took her number from my ex when we used to be together, then about my divorce and that we parted on good terms. We did hit it off on the first call itself, then within a few weeks, the phone calls and texting became regular. It’s been 2 months we talk everyday now.
We also met with each other for the first time together, just few days back. We chilled in my car , had few drinks and food, and since it was the first time meeting her, I didn’t make any physical move towards her, I was just a gentleman and we enjoyed just talking and chilling.
Also,after meeting her, it’s clear to me that I’m not head over heels in love with her or anything, it’s just a physical attraction, and I would want something to happen between us, but nothing more than sexual.
So now I ‘m hoping that next time I meet her, I will make my move by trying something physical, but slowly, depending on the situation, maybe a kiss first and see how she responds.

She’s the first girl since my divorce, and in these 4 months I’m learning a lot about myself and what I want in life, especially with women.
I’ve decided I’m not going to fall hard over a woman until I meet someone who I think I might love. Till then, my goal is only casual flings and no serious relationships.

I know I have let myself down the most by not going past 20 days of NoFap, but I want to keep trying.

Also the girl I met with, I have felt aroused by her pictures, but when I actually met her, I didn’t feel any sexual arousal that day when she was with me the whole time. She was also wearing a dress, where her legs were also showing, but I just admired the way she looked, but didn’t feel any erection.
Is this a cause of concern?
I really think my erection problem could also be due to that day itself. It was only 3 days no PMO. Drinking alcohol also doesn’t help with it , but mainly because I still can’t go over 4 days without PMO of some sort, but it’s only straight material now. I also got a little bit hooked to MO to my ex-wife’s dirty pictures.

I really want to be ready in a sexual situation if anything happens, but I know this is the price I have to pay for bring addicted to P for so long.
I just want to start this challenge all over again and hoping to do better this time.

I am happy for 2 things that I have no desire of watching extreme material (trans & gay) anymore and that I have met someone I am interested in and things are happening the way I had hoped.
Also, I have lost close to 20 pounds in these 4 months, 8 more pounds to go and then I would have the lean body I always dreamed of.

 

[Meshuga]

You've done some great things in the last 4 months. Most important, you deescalated your abuse and discovered your natural attractions align with your comfort zone. You were in a dark place and were inspired to self improvement, and that's led you to take better care of yourself. Your confidence is higher, your thoughts are clearer, and you are taking better care of your body, and reducing your P abuse has been a huge part of that.

Now the bad news. You haven't quit completely. In fact, you haven't gotten enough distance from PMO to discover who you really are and what you can do. You haven't quit your ex, someone you admitted you're not really attracted to, either on a physical or personal level. You're still concerned that you'll be physically affected if/when you have the opportunity for a real sexual encounter. You're still addicted.

You need to develop awareness and careful strategies that can consistently get you past 4 days. PAs can do amazing things with enough inspiration and an iron resolve, but the addiction is insidious and will break through unless you have methods for dealing with the toughest situations. Find your triggers. From personal experience, and from the experience of all the guys on NoFap, we all know they are going to include loneliness, boredom, feeling sick or excessively tired, and negative emotional experiences such as rejection or failing to meet a goal. You have to observe these reactions in yourself to learn how real they are. Then you need to understand there is no way to eliminate P from your life through sheer negation. It's like a law of physics; you can't take away P without adding something else to your life to replace it. The time needs to be replaced, the dopamine needs to be replaced, the impulsive thoughts have to be replaced with something positive, something you want. Working out is an excellent choice since it both takes time and supplies dopamine. Noodling around on social media is a poor one because it does give some dopamine, but is inherently unsatisfying and a landmine for erotic triggers. Last, you've got to truly quit. No rules lawyering with yourself about what qualifies as P and what doesn't. Clothed women talking dirty is P, and you know it. Still images is P, and you know it. Reliving previous sexual encounters and fantasizing about potential future ones is P, and you know it. To get truly free, to release yourself from the erotic prison your insecure past self built around you, you have to be honest and shut that monster down completely.

Finally, two things jumped out at me, reading through your posts. Your ex-wife was your therapist, and went on to develop a personal, intimate relationship with you. That's super sketch, man. That is highly unethical, that's not supposed to happen and I know it does, and I can think of scenarios where that could be appropriate... but it seems like this one totally wasn't. You seem to be in a better place now, so maybe you don't need or want therapy but if you ever come to a place where you do, understand that your situation was whacked out and you can get good, helpful therapy. Just get a male therapist.
Second, you said you're dating this new woman, but are only interested in S. That's fine, but does she know that? And is she cool with it? Some women will say they are and go along with it, hoping it develops into something else. Honesty and clear communication is vital, even in your most casual relationships. If you don't have that, you'll end up with another dumpster fire of drama and bad blood.

Best of luck my dude, have fun discovering your true, unaddicted self.

 

[cascadence27]

A lot of changes have happened in this 1 month itself since I posted here last. I have some things to unfold and I’m not feeling pleasant with what I’m about to say.

So I met the same girl for a second time few weeks ago. There was no spark or tension between us. We just hung out in the car again having drinks and food. It was just like chilling with any random friend. There were some things about her which I realised, like her being extremely talkative like a blabber mouth, fake laughs, not at all a good listener and I got the impression that maybe even she isn’t interested in me in a physical way. It’s because she asked me if I was seeing someone. Of course I said No, then she went like this to me“Awww we’ll find a good girl for you.” Whatever little interest I had in her, it all finished that day. With hearing her talk like that, it threw me off completely.
Whatever plan I had to initiate physical contact with her, I decided to not make any efforts for her from there on. So I cut her off, I don’t talk to her at all anymore and she’s back to being just an acquaintance. This is a very weird feeling, it’s like both of us friend-zoned each other after meeting for the second time.

I started feeling pathetic about myself again, thinking I’m not good enough for even an average woman.

You know how addiction is, those feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, feeling absolutely worthless kicked in again and I’ve been abusing porn again in the last few weeks. The cycle repeated itself again, soft porn -straight porn- straight hardcore porn- gay porn. Now I’m stuck in the cycle of getting a big dopamine rush from this feminine gay porn again. I’ve also not quit weed yet, still smoking heavily everyday.
So I’m afraid I’m back into this pit of porn escalation and addiction again.

This experience with the girl and back into escalated porn genres has led me to question everything about myself again.
It feels like I’m not a regular heterosexual guy anymore who has needs of sleeping with women. Instead I question my real life attraction towards women when I’m back to using escalating porn again.

I feel like I don’t deserve any good woman again because of my addiction. Even if I did land a good woman, how will it even be sustainable given my history of addiction, M to feminine guys in porn, being divorced and having horrible experience with women.
I’m back to feeling confused and horrible again, questioning my existence in life. All my life, I’ve only wanted women and it’s a damn shame I couldn’t land a single one I actually wanted and got rejected by most of them. Instead, I married a woman who was my therapist, thinking we were in love.

I just don’t know anymore if I’ll ever fall in love again, especially when I’m not being able to quit porn, and I don’t think a good woman these days wants a man like me who is in such deep shit with his addiction.

 

[Metis07]

You may be too harsh on youself, take it easy, one day at a time and most of all do it for yourself, not for any woman.
Create life you want to live in REAL world (do what you can (reach physical, financial and mental freedom, live by your standards) and leave behind women (or people generally) you can't force someone to love you), relationship will come along naturally.

I am also sometimes my strongest critic, but for others I find excuses. Sometimes it is good, but sometimes it's counterproductive, so it is better to accept yourself as you are right here right now, show some self care and love to yourself and start 'growing up' from there.

There are a lot of 'douchebags' married with kids or going out with beautiful women, so stop being negative about your future, lol, get rid of PMO for yourself.