Do All Men Desire Other Women??

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ihatepornsomuch, Dec 2, 2020.

  1. Honestly, if a man says he's never been attracted to anyone but his wife--and assuming he's been married for a decade or more already, I'd take that with as big a grain of salt as I would for those decades-long married couples who claim they've never once argued. I suppose it might be possible in either case--I just would have a hard time believing it. It would certainly be rare indeed.
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  2. Icouldprobablyhelp

    Icouldprobablyhelp Fapstronaut

    it can be reciprocated honestly.. I've actually come to the point where I only want one woman and mentally I can control my urges to even look at another woman because I know I have someone.. not to say I don't notice other women, and as far as conversation with another woman goes I won't think sexually of them but some women will subtly intice you with flirtatious manners which you can't really do anything about but ignore it mentally (laugh it off or just simply be flattered) then take that confidence home to wife/gf
  3. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut


    No it is not like thath, every man can decide, if he want to be that way or not. I also was able to change. Still not to the end. But I have issues that I can not satisfy any woman just for beeing a little bit over the average. Cause in porn they are bigger and woman seemed so satisfied there. I know it is not true, but my heart keeps telling me.

    And if you have a man, who loves you truly and watches his thought, then you will be his only one.
  4. tring

    tring Fapstronaut

    Well, friendly reminder that you're posing this question to a forum of recovering sex addicts. So there's serious sampling bias here.

    Not only that, but the subforum is "Rebooting in a Relationship." So we clearly have issues with lusting for people who aren't our partners, too.

    That being said, no, I don't think what you describe is universal. Everyone's different. Some people are obsessed with food, some with drugs, some with power, some with being right, some with outward appearance. That goes for men and women.

    Personally, for example, I don't care about food. I eat clean and I can skip meals and be fine. For some men, that would be torture. I suspect the reverse is true as well: Some men get married and easily put on "blinders" for other women, while other men struggle.

    Some men, like me, are sex-obsessed. Some women are, too; I know because I've been with them. Unlike you, they crave the thrill and validation of multiple partners. As a result of nature and nurture, they're just wired different.

    Sometimes we addicts start a relationship with the best of intentions. I got married with the intent to be monogamous and never use porn again because I knew that's what my partner wanted. What I didn't know was that my partner had sexual expectations that were vastly different from mine. I didn't anticipate how alone I would feel. I didn't anticipate the emotional distance, the different sexual norms, the different libidos, the different interests and desires—and in the midst of all of that, how hard it would be to simultaneously fight the inertia of a decade-plus-long security blanket.

    It's a bit like romance novels. Women (since the readership is statistically mostly female) don't read them because they hate their partners....They read them because there's some je ne sais quoi that they lack. Sometimes it's excitement, sometimes it's feeling emotionally understood, sometimes it's the fantasy of a man who's utterly competent in everything he does, physically, mentally, emotionally. Porn registers on the same thermometer, just higher up—but they both end up at the same temperature eventually.

    Does that make sense?
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2020
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  5. ADMG

    ADMG Fapstronaut

    Just wanted to chime in on this, since I can see why this would be a distressing thought.

    Men are absolutely capable of registering that a woman is attractive, processing it, and then letting it go. Arterburn Stephen's book Every Man's Battle does a pretty good job of capturing how male sexuality works on a psychological and practical level. In it he uses an image that is helpful: a man fighting for purity is like a stallion in a corral. There might be attractive mares that wander by, but it his decision to let them into his corral. Once they are in the corral, it becomes much more difficult to get rid of them; and there are also special issues that arise if it is a woman that he has to interact with regularly. But the point is, that it is possible for a guy to acknowledge the attractiveness of a woman without becoming attracted to her (in a way that would form some attachment).
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  6. This sounds normal to me:
    This is a generalization and already for that reason wrong.

    Going out with other women?
    This is out of the normal when you are in a relationship

    Clear no. I mean, desire in what sense? Do you mean sexually? I don't think that I ever had this kind of desire. Some people are great to share time with - men and women - I would not call it desire, but I do like to be around people where I can be myself and where we are on the same wavelength.

    Difficult to answer - of course I would notice attractive women occasionally, much more seldom than what you seem to assume. However, I don't fantasize to have sex with everybody that walks by and is attractive. I don't think that I ever had such thought. Being attracted by a person and wanting to undress in front of that person are two completely different things. I sometimes did 'compare' other women to my wife, however, they always loose that comparison :D.

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