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Do all porn addicts do this ..

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by jennysimon, Mar 30, 2021.

  1. jennysimon

    jennysimon Fapstronaut

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    So I feel like I need to chill and maybe stop reading about what’s going on with the porn addicts. My boyfriend is officially six weeks clean but as I learn more about this addiction I get more hurt. Do ALL addicts fantasize about porn while having sex with their SO? And why.. how am I not supposed to feel not good enough? They’re fantasizing about porn becuase they can’t stay hard? Because it feels bette? Are they just intrusive thoughts? What’s going on.. I’m feeling so sad :(
     
    Ishasy and (deleted member) like this.
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Yes they fantasize because they can’t stay hard and they have abused their brain and body with pmo. The question you should be asking isn’t “ why am I not good enough” but “ holy cow what the heck is wrong with him that he prefers his HAND and a fantasy to the real thing?”! Because HE is the one with problems. It’s not that you aren’t good enough. I always felt that my husband was insane to want “ that” over the real thing. It didn’t make sense until we found out it was an addiction. They have a serious life long illness , addiction. It just hits harder because their addiction is to other women and sex acts, their addiction is unbridled lust that gives them the chemical dopamine hit that long term partners can’t compete with. Once they get into recovery, it can get better and they can stop doing that and appreciate their partner and enjoy the real thing.
     
  3. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    With addiction there is no "all". Some sex addicts see hookers, some read erotica, some look at porn, some physically cheat, some do none of those things. Every single person is unique in their struggle.

    My addiction was about escape - escape from stress and anxiety and pressure and expectations and anger. When I was very young I found porn and it worked better than anything else - music, sports, tv, art - nothing compared. It became a habit and then a compulsion and something I could not stop. Some addicts are like me, others are not.

    I personally rarely fantasized about porn during sex, and when I did it was in the buildup and would fade fast. For me it was for many reasons including things like the porn got me excited and i went to my wife for sex and the porn image was still in my head. 9 months clean and there are still a few images I can recall clearly if I want (i work hard not to).

    I also never have erection issues, some here have those issues bad. So I can't really relate to that.
     
  4. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    No as the other homies have said, not all addicts do this. But, I understand those feelings of insecurity coming from it, but you have to remember it is nothing wrong with you, its what wrong with him. It's the nature of porn, to abuse every neuron of our natural attraction and have us addicted to a screen, which is exactly the reason I never want to watch it again.

    Cheers! and feel better soon, you must remember to be kind to yourself :)
     
  5. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    No idea, I’m not a porn addict.
     
  6. used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    My husband did not and never had erection issues either. He acted out to escape stress and feeling badly about things in life - he'd been taught to be perfect and hide all emotion other than happy, even from your spouse. But then when harder things hit he had no way to cope emotionally. He says he used the porn to get the hit faster. Part of me wonders if he also used it to keep from ever crossing into fantasizing about anyone in real life other than me, because he swears he did not ever do that. He was able to stop though for very long periods of times so I think he somehow prevented escalating it all to the point of problems. He is also very religious so I think that extra level of shame and guilt motivated him to battle.
     
  7. Hey! I’m with my significant other & im interesting in knowing the changes your SO has gone through or things you’ve noticed that he has improved on sexually as far as performance & what specific differences you’ve seen from week 1 to 6 & also what was his regimen like?? I’m a long PM but am still having sex with my partner and would like to know from your point of view what changes you saw from yours?

    The only time I thought of p was to finish & that was with a rebound I was dating at the time, I was depressed (hiding it well) at the same time my addiction to p was severe & I wasn’t healthy as I stopped working out & let my diet go. I tried to use her to heal from my first long term relationship that had just ended & she didn’t know anything about it. I was so desensitized from p & generally depressed that at some points that I would jus going through the motions with her that I was getting bored she was enjoying it I guess but after a while and knowing I had to finish I thought of P to reach the end. I was so torn up & vulnerable towards the end of dating her that I told her I had a p addiction, we never talked again.

    P messed me up so bad plus having my first breakup and being depressed I used it as an escape & I tried to use her as an escape. PM will never match up to a real women! NEVER!

    I’ve been on recovery for over a year now & im at a point where I’m fully committed & understand/control my urges. I have a new SO now & she doesn’t know about my pmo addiction. In no way am I using her but I have been able to be more conscious entering this relationship. I’ve come to learn about the chaser effect this past month which is new to me so I’m learning to tackle that. The only time Ive pmo’d or relapsed while with my new SO is when she was out of town & I smoked weed one weekend. I have been so focused on her while I am with her just hanging out or going out, jus being more engaged while spending time with her. that when we do get intimate she’s all I think about.
     
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    No, not all. I never did this. It was always psychologically important to me that my porn use and sex with my wife were kept very separate.
     
  9. legendracer79

    legendracer79 Fapstronaut

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    My boyfriend doesn't when we are together but says it is the time we are apart when he does and he starts to watch porn. As we don't like together yet and he was working from home a lot recently this gave him lots of opportunity to do this and is when he realized he wanted to admit and address his addcition.
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  10. Wugazi32

    Wugazi32 Fapstronaut

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    Nope, I would rather make love to my wife than watch p0rn, just for some men their partners aren't always interested or have lower sex drives.
     
  11. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

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    I will speak here my case. I always preferred my girlfriend than porn. Always. And I never had to think about porn while being with her. I guess I didn't have that much of an addiction. My addiction was more of watching porn just for the fun of it. I watched it a lot but not masturbated, just wanted to see things that I couldn't experience in real life, searched for things that I was curious about, etc. Never used it as a substitute of my girlfriend.
     
    Tannhauser and Wugazi32 like this.
  12. What you are going through is what is seen with a partner of an addict. Imagine how a partner would feel about the other using hard drugs, or of someone who is an alcoholic. Being a partner of an addict is traumatizing to say the least. What you are feeling are very real. But it's hard to say what's going on in an addict's mind.

    None of us here can predict accurately what's going on in your partner's head. There might be some similarities among addicts, and those similarities are all on the external behavior. How a person thinks is as different and unique as that individual.

    On an another note, your partner should be super thankful for you to have stuck with him this far. Most of them leave. Will you stay or leave, only time will tell. But in any situation, always put yourself first, and protect and nurture yourself first.
     
  13. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Jenny, I ruined my relationship with this addiction and i can give you my personal experience. I had the most beautiful girlfriend and the best sex connection i ever had in my life.
    Unfortunately for me the stage of my addiction is worse; i don't even watch porn anymore, but in order to find that "kick" i need to go on hookup websites and convince other person to have sex with me. When she found out what i was doing since 1 year prior i lost her trust and everything.
    At the moment i'm single and i'm working really hard on myself, i'm analyzing my past and the addiction was there way before my ex and it grow for totally different reasons than not something related to my partners.
    I'm working on it with all my anger, strength, good willing but also with a therapist and a consultant.
    I know i should do it for myself first, but the truth that i'm still deep in love with her and the idea to be able, in the future, to knock again at her door as a better and free man is the power that guides me through this.
    I hope my story will give you a different point of view in all this shit
     
  14. WantsToQuit2021

    WantsToQuit2021 Fapstronaut

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    I've thought a few times about P while having sex.
    The thing is, it was out of shame.
    I didn't want to go flat during sex. I didn't want to be embarrassed with her and I didn't want to let her down.
    So it's very... very twisted, but it in a way it was for her.
    Now I'm not saying it was correct what I did. Or when others do it.
    But I can get why.

    Since then I've embraced who I am more and when having sex and I can't stay hard, I don't worry about it and do other things that don't require my D but still have a nice time with eachother
     

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