Do I want her or not ???

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by AVRA, Nov 19, 2015.

  1. AVRA

    AVRA Fapstronaut

    Of course I need one , I yearn for a girl , I cant live without a girl . Well if you have hit your mid twenties and still riding being virgin , never had a taste of how its been like to have a girl around .Then the abovementioned line of thoughts are pretty much evident .
    I am one of such unlucky lads:( , The situation is compounded by the fact that every dork around me is fooling around with some girl:eek: . The situation gets intense when I start blaming girls for it ,for not choosing me there partner , for not giving a damn about me . May be the biggest dork over here is none other than me . Well for now its so complicated that I am dying for a girl and at the same time totally shuns the girls from my life . My avoiding girls can be boiled down to a few reasons such as no self confidence , dont know how to appease them , stereotypes regarding the girls that have homed my mind over the years and my choosy nature when it comes to girls .
    It is such a mental quagmire that I want a GF so desperately but just can't do it , I feel so helpless . To top it all masturbation and PMO have ruined it as they come in disguise to offer me a way out of G F problem and in turn escalates the whole problem , and that goes on . I just want to get out of this hell , to lead a normal life and may be I will have someone in near future . I hope there are plenty of people to empathise with me , I am more than happy to get your valuable feedback .
  2. NetherRey

    NetherRey Guest

    Man, don't we all? That is why we are here to regain our life back, isn't it? but please do not beat yourself up with depressing and downgrading thoughts about yourself, maybe that is why girls don't see you as a potential BF is because you cannot even see it in yourself, the best thing you can do right now is (well, in my opinion I guess) to gather up self confidence by overcoming your problem with PMO , If you start to see yourself with confidence, other people will see it too. Maybe then you'll find your girl.
    AVRA likes this.
  3. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

    Do you have female friends? Try spending time with them to avoid being socially awkward. Or you could observe others and learn from them too. Bhai don't worry, everything will be fine if you're determined enough to tackle your problems.
    The first step has already been taken- understanding one's weaknesses/pitfalls. Now you need to work on improving these traits, which we are glad to help you with.
    As for my suggestion, do not get caught up in the thought of wanting a gf so badly. Instead if you try to focus on things you normally love to do while try out new things, you're bound to get noticed. As for being picky, all of us have our preferences and you don't need to worry much about it. Just don't have unrealistic expectations. Also steer clear of negativity as much as possible, it affects our day-to-day attitude.
    Dizzy Lotus and AVRA like this.
  4. Years ago I decided for a while that I wouldn't look for a girlfriend, or for a kiss or anything like that. But I also wouldn't just do nothing. Instead I decided to make it my goal to say something to at least one girl on a night out. Even if she completely ignored me, or made some silly fuss, I would consider it a success. And I'd usually say something I could just as well say to some guy, such as "Hey, what do you think of this band?" or whatever. Eventually it led to getting girls' numbers and so on and so forth.

    It was an enjoyable time of my life. I might start doing it again.
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  5. AVRA

    AVRA Fapstronaut

    Hermit_ninja your approach is commendable , I appreciate the way and I wud love to adopt the same way the only concern is my damned ego . You rose above your ego and that is great in itself , but in my case its not easy , once I approached a girl and turned down which was a big blow in my face and then I never had the courage to ask anybody out because of the fear of happening the same thing again . I am just stuck . May be I can be like you .
  6. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Never let fear control you, it will hold you back from true happiness. No girl will magically fall from the sky into your arms. You have to take the steps to obtain one. Girls like men who are dominant and make the first moves, it's what they want (I had 2 tell me that, why do you think all the meat headed jerks get all the girls? It's what they crave!). That and confidence. I lacked both of those until just recently and my life has changed ever since I've realized these things and gained the confidence, from quitting pmo and talking to them, as well as other things such as spending more time in the gym.

    Just Do It! You have nothing to lose and SO much to gain. I know you look at past failures or other men who you deem inferior to you having success, but don't. Those things will only hold you back. If anything look at the guy who you think is nerdy and say to yourself "If he can can get a girl then anybody can". Make it a personal goal to talk to a girl everyday. If you still feel like you lack the courage, start off with just smiling at them. It will get easier, I promise.

    Another thing you can try is online dating and just randomly message tons of girls until some reply back. It may never lead to anything, but you can gain some valuable experience talking with them and learn what to and not to say. I made an excuse to not talk to this one chick because she lives in another city then me but I finally said screw it and messaged her, and she is falling all over me! I straight up asked her out and got her number, no dicking around. Fingers crossed that it goes somewhere, because man, this is so awesome haha!

    I can tell you Avinash Rawat, you're not alone, we've all been there. There would be days I would get so upset I would work myself up to tears, but that was all internal, what I created in my mind (that I was cursed with girls, never gonna have one even though I feel like that's the puzzle piece missing in my life). It's good you're releasing these emotions.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2015
    AVRA likes this.
  7. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

    Just try. If they don't understand and think you're stupid: why care? It's no problem if people you don't even know think (unfairly) bad about you.
    AVRA likes this.
  8. Man, I know that feeling, believe me. I appreciate that it's easier said than done. I was out the other night and mostly just talked to other guys. If you can get into that "zone" though, it's a lot of fun. One time I was out with some friends and we sat at a table next to some other people. After a few minutes I said to the girl nearest me from the other group, "Hi, sorry if we're being a bit loud!". And that led to a brief fling. Notice that I didn't say or do anything that could logically be "rejected". Of course, some women may assume you're trying to chat them up before you've even opened your mouth but you can just say to yourself, whatever I was just making conversation.
    AVRA likes this.
  9. AVRA

    AVRA Fapstronaut

    Then there comes self policing , its like my whole mind is committed to find a girl , to get a girl , but there's a little part of my brain that acts as an inhibitor , which inhibits all my actions and says to me that you aren't qualified yet , that you aren't mentally competent to hold a girl , don't u see,this is such a huge responsibility and you just lack the maturity . That induces a kind of subtle realisation that having a girl and getting intimate with her is something farfetched for me and I just have to sit tight and wait . Though I never think like that but I feel all these in my subconscious . May be all of these are just the result of how my personality shaped up to be , the way I have been conditioned and brought up , my perception of society and all.

    One more thing , about approaching the girl that I mentioned in my post . It was not something like I accosted a girl in random and was turned down , I seriously liked that girl and needed her to me mine , one whole year I tried but when I didnt find it going anywhere , I gave up , few days later she hooked up with one of her old acquaintances . That thing totally consumed me emotionally . And now I dread to encounter the same thing .

    Moreover I really appreciate all the fapstranauts for understanding me and sharing their valuable suggestions .
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2015
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