Do most NoFappers overcome addiction before they leave the forum?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, Jan 8, 2020.

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  1. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Hi fellow Fapstronauts,

    I've been an active member of this forum for 2 years and a passive follower for about 5. I've noticed that very few old members has stayed active on the forum since then. I'm also noticing higher and higher fluctuations. Plenty of new members who stay on this forum for a few months and then disappear. It would be really interesting to know what has happened to them. Have they overcome their PMO addiction(s) and moved on with their lives or have they just given up on the premise that permanent recovery is possible and leave the forum. What do you think? I'd really like to read your opinions.
     
  2. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    They don't.
    Too many people came here like a "joke"
    A challenge to themselves.
    They read somewhere that if you don't masturbate for 90 days you'll get superpowers and they're hyped for this
    I must confess that I knew about this forum like this.
    But that's the point.
    They came here.
    They forced themselves to 90 days and then they quit because they say "I've done it".
    And then to reward themselves they did it again one time, then two, then three until in few months they're the same person as before. They don't understand that this addiction is like every others addiction, you can't just quit PM.
    You must find the triggers. Understand why you do what you do. Work on yourself, and then you'll be free.
    Maybe not free forever from PMO but free as a person without addiction can be.
     
  3. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    Of course there are persons that overcame the addiction. But I am just describing the majority of people.
    Not to mention the one who came here for be " a magnet for women" they don't masturbate for 90 days, but still they stay close at home without doing nothing and then they quit insulting us all because nofap don't work :)
     
  4. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    I don't know buddy,from my perspective most people come here to challenge themselves,and then majority of them see reality,what happens after i don't know :)
     
  5. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Good observations. So most of the people come here to complete a n days challenge, not because they would like to get rid of compulsive PMO use? If that's the case lots of these men live in denial. I came to this forum after finding yourbrainonporn website and reading P. Carnes' book In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. At that time I realized I have a serious problem that will be difficult to overcome alone. I'm grateful I found this place but I'm kind of disappointed over the fact that I was able to learn and get help from many successful Fapstronauts on this forum who have overcome their compulsive addictive behavior in the past. It seems like there are not many Fapstronauts with long mileages who take this problem seriously left on this forum now :(
     
  6. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't say it, but I think that many people are afraid to be addicted so they force theirselves to do it so their brain can say "did it, I have no problem with PMO". They come already knowing that they wanto to leave. They don't strive for something durable in the time because they will quit anyway. That's the difference.
     
  7. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I don't find many guys here still saying"I'll do whatever it takes to break out of addiction cycle" anymore. I guess NoFap has become some kind of a game for many to test themselves if they can abstain for x-number of days. It's kind of funny if you think about it. It's like chain smoker or heavy drinker saying I'll quit for 90 days to prove myself that I'm not addicted and continue with hravy smoking/drinking after that.
     
  8. FoamRoller

    FoamRoller Fapstronaut

    Lots of people have a number of inactive accounts I seen poll here about it.

    One day I'll get the confidence to leave here but not without a success story.

    Alot of people don't have what it takes

    Some people come here for a stupid challenge.

    I came here from getting PIED and I'm sure thats why alot are here and alot probably just leave after they sort out there porn induced problems but I'll stay till I beat the addiction
     
  9. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    Experience tells me that two things happen.

    I stopped drinking 21 years ago through SMART meetings.

    New people would filter in and then they'd disappear. I, too,wondered about them. I'd gotten to know them in person.

    Then, they would reappear 21 months later, having relapsed. This happened over and over again.

    I learned that alcohol and drug addiction is very powerful. Very few people were able to apply the SMART techniques of changing their thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. They are likely dead now.

    After seven years, one day I attended my last meeting. It wasn't even conscious. I wasn't aware that it was my last meeting when I attended. But, I'd learned to think of alcohol differently. It now disgusted me. I was a different person, a health conscious gym rat.

    So, I stopped attending.

    To this day I am clean from any alcohol or drugs.

    Now, I have to get porn out of my life.
     
  10. Serpenthold

    Serpenthold Fapstronaut

    addiction is a life sentence, a pattern to break but this is a sexual pattern, it is apart of us, out base instincts to breed is in overdrive, we have to detach ourselves from our compulsion, some people start as a joke just like what @fg4795 said, and was spot on.

    pattern breaking is needed, weaken this pattern and you can break free and move on but you always have to keep breaking the pattern or else it will get stronger and take you again and again. we are fighting for freedom and this battle never ends.
     
  11. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    I agree. I think there is much more here than people realize. It is much more than pmo activity that is dysfunctional. The individual also is dysfunctional. Pmo does more than cause dysfunction to sexuality. It causes dysfunction to personality. To how we think and behave and feel about everything. I think for people that think it is only pmo that must change they miss the big picture. That is what all addiction programs teach. The addictive behaviour is a symptom. First, you stop the addictive behaviour. Then you find out what it is a symptom of. Then you fix your personal flaws. That’s why they have twelve steps. Stopping the addictive behaviour is only one. Even if you don’t agree with the AA format, it is hard to argue that the only thing needing change is the addictive behaviour. There are many thoughts, behaviours and feelings that are tied to the addictive behaviour that also need to be addressed for real change.

    But if all someone wants is a T-shirt or content for a YouTube video then they probably just want to do the 100 days and forget about all the other stuff.
     
  12. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I agree 100 %. Addiction requires from us to face our fears and pain, dismantle dysfunctional thought patterns and harmful habits bit by bit and rebuild ourselves on more solid foundations. Unfortunately, most of the conversations end up with how to maintain abstention without realizing that PMO is just a blister on the wound. Dr. Gabor Mare wrote in his book The realm of hungry ghosts: "Don't ask why addiction, ask why the pain."
     
  13. Serpenthold

    Serpenthold Fapstronaut

    I find in my own experiences, that I blame the exterior stimuli for my pain when I am the leading cause to all my suffering in areas where I am weak, I am the root of all of this and I have to always be vigilant in my actions and my thoughts so I can mold my behavior to the way that is most beneficial to myself and to those around me.
     
  14. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure that the two things are dichotomous and opposites.

    Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on changing the behavior - in this case getting porn out of your life. Without that change, a deeper change is not possible. This is why any responsible therapist will tell a patient that no work or therapy will be effective until you get drugs and alcohol and now porn perhaps out of your life. Only then can you address underlying issues and begin to rebuild a foundation.
     
  15. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    Very interesting proposition. In some circles the concept of ‘harm reduction’ is used to guide support for addiction. Addicts are at once engaging in behaviours that bring them ‘pleasure’ and yet also causing damage to their mental, physical and emotional being. The harm they cause themselves deflects attention away from the pain they are avoiding. Eventually the cycle becomes something like engage in addictive behaviour, momentary escape from underlying pain, momentary escape wears off, pain of withdrawal emerges, engage in addictive behaviour to avoid pain of withdrawal, and so forth. Along the way the destructive power of the addiction of choice causes further injury. Until one day the individual hits the proverbial rock bottom. And then begins the journey of self exploration: I started ‘x addictive behaviour’ when I was ‘x age’. At the time I had ‘x pain’ in my life and this offered me a way to escape from it.

    The trouble with pmo is that it’s not quite like alcohol and drugs. It’s tied to a natural bodily function. There are no dui’s or drunken fights. No vomiting or blackouts. The signs of addiction are not so obvious. And you can manage to engage in it without doing anything illegal. It’s also not as normative in modern society to see it as a problem. And yet, based on my personal experience I would have to argue it is no less an addiction than alcohol or drugs can be. It’s powerful. I mean, it’s intertwined with the power of orgasms!
     
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  16. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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  17. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    I think many people join groups (SAA, AA ect) or an online support forum like this with an open heart and mind with the intention to make a change and break free. But then the reality sets in. And the reality is that quitting is a fucking nightmare. And it means a full surrender to the fact that you are powerless to overcome this addiction and that it is going to be a very tough process. And when you cut an addiction out of your life it leaves a void the size of the Grand Canyon. And now the void must be filled with new healthy behaviors. None of this is easy and most people just don’t do hard.
     
  18. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    As a professor, I have to agree.
     
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  19. Serpenthold

    Serpenthold Fapstronaut

    surrender is tough in the beginning, but it feels amazing after, like asking a girl out for the first time, it's nerve-wracking then BOOM, you feel great, you did it, you faced a fear!

    I am enjoying this a lot
     
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  20. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

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    I plan to leave this forum and sign off with a success story. So it may be some time yet.

    I've noticed on other addict forums in the rare occasion someone returns. It's sometimes because they succeeded and wanted to put the whole thing well and truly behind them. That's my plan too.
     

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