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Do most NoFappers overcome addiction before they leave the forum?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, Jan 8, 2020.

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  1. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking that maybe it's important to look at everyone's starting point when considering question above. I made a poll How often did you PMO/how long did your sessions last where I asked fellow fapstronauts about the frequency and duration of their PMO behaviour. Results of the poll were very informative as they've shown that only 16 % of participants developed frequent compulsive PMO practice (+3 days a week) and less than half of this group did it in a way I would consider a binge (+1 hour long session). So less than 8 % of poll participants fall into most problematic near daily PMO binge group. Maybe a degree of commitment and determination depends on how disruptive/destructive your behaviour has became to your daily life? I without a doubt fall into the unlucky less than 8 % group. Even a ruining of career and break-up of marriage didn't stop my compulsion. It was not until a death of my parent, mental breakdown and complete physical exhaustion that I truly decided to change and make it stick. Maybe many of us need to hit "rock bottom" before we change.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2020
  2. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    This should be the first post people read. Excellent.
     
  3. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like progress
     
    Symbol of Peace and Fenix Rising like this.
  4. the alpha project

    the alpha project Fapstronaut

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    Interesting. I assumed everyone on this forum was a daily pmo or at least daily Mo like me.
     
  5. CuthbertRogerson

    CuthbertRogerson Fapstronaut

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    I came here to face the self-disgust and lack of motivation that mashing my potatoes has caused. I imagine the reasons for people leaving over the years are multitudinal. However, one might be that they’ve got what they need from the forum and support and no longer want a permanent record of their shame on the web.


    I started here with a fresh email and online identity to face my demons and I’m pretty sure others here have taken a similar approach. The fact there is an option to delete the account is a draw to this group. Even without that, this identity could be abandoned without any hassle. I guess they either left because they failed or left because they succeeded.


    I certainly hope success is the case for at least some. Not least of all because that gives hope.
     
  6. 4eyedfox

    4eyedfox Fapstronaut

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    From what I have seen I believe that after members become educated and the yearning to constantly read articles has past they get annoyed with seeing the same damn questions and posts being made every day by new people. This must drive away the older members.
     
    Symbol of Peace likes this.
  7. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Short reply: Short attention span.



    People are addicted to distraction. This hugely compounds any recovery effort, especially online.

    When we consider the PMO habit is riding on the addiction to digital platforms it becomes clear to me. Actually it relates to this point:

    Remember there are gamification features are built into the forum software with trophies and such. It is of course designed to engage people of a certain age demographic, and reflects the fact that one form of addiction shows up as gaming. It’s using one compulsive behavior to address another, essentially – even if we don’t consider one an addiction.

    People are usually only thinking of it in terms of discrete addictions, that is of course why there’s always issue-specific recovery groups for the most part and people make statements like whether games are addictive or not, it is not that simple when we look at digital ecosystems as a whole.

    Certainly there are deeper psychological factors to consider, but IMO this continues to be ignored. People seem to have no idea what kind of state their nervous system is in all the time due to compulsive use of the internet, and that it can be different, and that will influence how they do this reboot thing because the entire effort is online. There is a VERY small percentage of people who may bring it to face to face groups, but in two years I’ve only heard two people share to that effect, not including my own.

    And the thing about distraction is regardless of the amount of effort, it’s always going to be shallow and superficial.

    We also know plenty of people in face to face recovery groups don’t necessarily do anything like a program and just keep going to meetings, if that. And no doubt even sponsors and mentors will vary greatly in terms of a comprehensive overall understanding to that effect.
     
  8. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Good point. This could be part of the answer too.
     
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  9. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    This is a big problem. I didn't notice how hooked on getting instant gratification my mind was until I got completely off grid for 14 days while hiking in nature. I craved distractions for the first few days, but then my mind somehow accepted solitude and absence of any artificial stimuli. I couldn't stand watching TV news or being in the shopping mal a few days after I finished the hike. I swore that I'll do multi-week off grid hike every 3 months, but I've broken the promise. I'm still thinking of implementing this in 2020.
     
  10. winningover

    winningover Fapstronaut

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    This is a very good question and I used to think about it but not anymore. Why not anymore because I found the answer in myself. Ever since I cured my PIED about 2 weeks ago, my interest in this forum has dropped rapidly. You can read about it here https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/pied-cured-after-8-months.262149/

    I used to message the old members after reading their success stories but got no replies. Some were inactive for a very long time, some accounts were deleted altogether. I think on a psychological level, people want to move on here after getting the required success they came here for. I came here to cure my PIED and after getting the desired results, my motivation of coming here and staying would obviously go down and its just 2 weeks. Before, I used to search in forums regarding PIED, how long it took for people to get cured, the signs that you're getting there etc etc etc. Now, I don't have any of that motivation. All I do right now is to reply on some of the messages that I get in my inbox and that's about it. Furthermore, I think many successful rebooters realize and explore other addictions as well alongside porn and they address that as well. Which means they are spending less time on internet, laptop, cell phones, social media etc.

    I think every successful rebooter should try to give something back to this community esp if this community helped him achieve his goals. Writing an elaborate success story is definitely one way of it. I am planning to stay here until my PAWS go away. After that, I will leave for good but after writing in detail about what I found about PAWS and how I cured them so that it may help someone in the future. My PAWS started getting better after 7th month which I am so relieved about.
     
    Espi1971 and Fenix Rising like this.
  11. Bogor

    Bogor Fapstronaut

    I'm a newbie, and I honestly can't imagine just giving up and going back to my old life.

    The reason I threw myself into this is because I had lost pretty much everything - a direct consequence of my PMO addiction. Giving up after reaching say, 90 days, is like saving a lot of money, then building a house from scratch and abandoning it to live on the streets.

    I guess it helps to not see this as merely a game or a challenge, because my life is literally on the line here and the only way to break myself from the cycle of doom is by giving up porn and masturbation for the rest of my life.
     
  12. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut



    I’m looking at coming up with activities that satisfies all 3 criteria of the “leisure lessons” Newport mentions in Digital Minimalism. Some people may also have issues with too much solitude whether that’s a hike (did you say in another post it was a pilgrimage?) or a meditation retreat. The third factor being socially engaged would take care of that aspect, and even if it doesn’t involve making something or using your hands the challenge aspect of the first lesson combined with the second would be pretty good.

    But to go back to the original subject of this thread, it also relates to leaving before true recovery in that no real social bond is involved. If you go to a face to face group and put your number down on a list, people may call you after not hearing from you in a while. With a forum not only is the quality of communication not the best to start with my experience has been AP groups end up fizzling out, it definitely doesn’t compare with traditional recovery in that regard even if they can use improvements in other areas.

    I’m afraid the standard is just kind of set lower in the first place, or not as comprehensive. It’s a big deal if someone has a lot of days on their counter on here, but that’s days – traditional recovery people end up measuring in years, that’s what they count as a lot of time. But it isn’t just about that anyway, even by the gamification kind of framework only counting days would be like only counting experience points or gold or something like that, and no serious gamer would say a single measure like that means you do well in a gaming context, there are quests and stuff which would be like actual life milestones. If anything that kind of perspective might get people started, but hopefully they realize it’s not a game.
     
  13. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I read Newport's book and I intend to implement it's program in my life. I intend to do +30 days off grid (leaving phone at home) pilgrimage in March and then slowly allow back into my life only "digital apps and sites" that I need for work and establishing real life interactions. I don't use social media with exception of YT and this forum, so this should not be too difficult to achieve.

    I agree that face to face interactions as a group therapy works the best, but that's out of reach for most people. We have only one counselor focused on the model of treatment Dr. Carnes has established, but one hour of individual therapy costs 50€ and group therapy is 30€ per session. The recovery program for "digital addicts" lasts 3 years. It's not covered by insurance so for many of us such options are out of reach and this forum is the next best help we can get.
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020
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  14. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    I've been wondering this too and my optimistic thinking is that with a lot of long term rebooters once they recover, they get on with the rest of their lives and stop coming to the forums. At the beginning of my reboot I was checking the forums everyday desperately looking for information and reassurance that I'd get over the horrific flatlines but as they stopped in December (110 days in), I felt recovered and I never even thought of the forums. Now that I'm experiencing the worst flatline (dead libido) of them all that just began last week right out of nowhere even though I didn't relapse, I'm back here desperate for more answers. I feel this was the universe giving me a calling to come back and post a success story when I get there, now that I've tasted what it felt like to be "cured". Obviously I'm not there yet and it's gonna take me a lot longer :( Hopefully we'll all get there someday and can leave this forum with a clean state of sexual health.
     
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  15. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Of course Newport does also advocate that one figures out what kind of leisure to introduce in place of the digital distractions.

    I think we can just make the best of online support, it’s important to distinguish between the always on way of using online systems vs. intentional meetings, which can even be done via video conference at set times. The former is more of a continual casual dabbling in a social way but organized meetings gets down to the business of doing work together. It of course goes far beyond just hanging out on a forum and commenting.
     
  16. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    Everyone's reasons and outcomes are different... I agree that many people see YouTube videos promising superpowers and success with women... when this doesn't happen they leave and go back to their fapping ways.

    In my case I tend to relapse and then leave the forum... when I'm ready to begin another streak I come back to the site for the excellent help and support it provides
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  17. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    I am also one of those cases who had hit the rock bottom and then lifted up to beat this addiction. This time I am going to make it 90 days for sure. I need support and motivation from all fapstronauts and an experienced fapstronauts like you who has always cleared all my doubts and worries.

    You should definitely be given the title of distinguished fapstronaut.
     
  18. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    FENIX!! Hey brother, sorry I have been MIA on here but I just read you post and wanted to respond.

    Well I made it over year since I started talking with you on this board November of 2018 without fapping. I believe I have gotten over my compulsive addiction to masturbation which has given me considerable benefits. So, first of all my sleep finally got better after about five to six months from Nov 2018, then morning wood came back at about seven months. That was on and off because unfortunately I still have bad sleeping habits but when I get a solid 6-7 hours of sleep morning wood is always there. That consistent tired all the time brain fog lifted only after I got close to a year so probably took 9-10 months or maybe 11. I feel much more wide awake however I did start seeing a chiropractor a few months before who was working on my neck and shoulders. I had slipped a few disks quite awhile ago and it could be he helped get nerves working properly again, also picked up a great tip on how to sleep properly as well so not to get neck pain anymore and headaches when I wake up. Could have been a combination of both but I like to think nofap helped in this regard. I am keeping weight off and actually feel like this year I will get my fitness goals in place.

    As for PIED and ED. I can get erection just but brushing my junk or even thinking about sex, don't need porn. Unfortunately edging does occur from time to time and still trying to beat that however. I still go on streak of no P like three weeks at a time and then have a peek once in awhile. This year is dedicated to stopping that addiction. My thoughts do not center around seeing people in a sexual nature anymore. I did pull out of the "don't give a phuck" stage while I was abstaining. I feel like the last two months have helped me get stronger. Have not had sexual relations at all. I was seeing someone from about July to end of December but that relationship is over. I always figured that was the next step in beating this was to find someone and have sex and be cured then. I thought I had feelings for this girl and we were intimate but I had not strong sexual feelings for her, she was a nice person. Anyway I could have taken advantage and had sex but the PIED probably would have still sunk me in so I backed off at the point and friend zoned.

    My attitude is way better and a complete 360 from when I started. The anxiety is gone, the anhedonia took a few months but lifted before last summer. I started on dating sites after six months butt the constant texting, dates, rejection, added to anxiety about my recovery and so I stopped and figured I would meet someone and not force it by liking these people on apps. We will see what happens this year but HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON as I did before, minus the PMO. It is really strange because I actually thought I would come out differently mentally which there are some improvements but when I look back the PMO I guess never caused me life problems. I guess I was never really far into PMO like some do for hours. I would literally PMO once and then done like 10 years ago but only when high speed internet came out then you can fap for hours without ejaculating which is really bad. Glad I stopped it before it got worse. I could feel I was becoming recluse too and my health was SHIT!!! I was borderline with my sugar and gaining weight like crazy before I stopped PMO. That is the one thing PMO was destroying was my health. I was like in a trance and I just ate and ate and never worked out anymore. I feel like my will power in controlling how and when I eat is improving and I am looking forward to good results.

    Now, as far as getting sexual with someone that is going to take time as I believe that will be hard for someone like me that hasn't had a physical relationship for a long time. I'm not sure I even still want a relationship. I think the anxiety of recovery and wanting to beat NoFap was so embedded in my psyche I had to find someone and try having sex to prove something. I don't need to do that. There maybe PIED there still but I don't care because I am focused on making myself better and I am still in progress of beating some addiction but improvements are there for sure.

    My advice to new people on NoFap is please understand that you are not going to get special powers, what you will get is a clear mind not consumed by pornography. If you continue to consume, although you are young, when you get older you will destroy you physical health. I still smoke weed but even that is bad for dopamine as well. I look back and it was VERY HARD for me to get my career going but I was able to control my fapping habit. I finished school with decent grades but NOT GREAT. Maybe I am just more laid back and not aggressive in my life but I normally will try hard for what I want and I may not get it the first time around but I keep trying and eventually I do better myself.
     
  19. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Hi BigOne79, thanks for a great post, I'm glad your life has become better. I can relate to most of the things you've written. It sure is a slow process but we're making progress and that's all that really counts. I remember how it was when we begin posting a year back, complaining about this and that and look at our attitude now. Maybe NoFap has helped us more than we notice. Just for getting back control, not being compulsive anymore, was well worth it in my eyes.
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  20. That's an interesting post :)
     

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