Do NoFap for yourself, not for someone else or to get a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MyMind07, Jun 21, 2020.

  1. MyMind07

    MyMind07 Fapstronaut

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    I am just being direct, honest and say what I think. I want to help others, but I am not gonna please anyone. I am not a Nice Guy. Maybe you won’t like this post, because it is very direct, but in the long run you’ll maybe have more benefits from it.

    Ask yourself: Do you want to stop with porn for yourself or others? Deep down you know the answer. Don’t fool yourself.

    Had porn an negative effect on your life? Great, your motivation will be higher to stop. If not, most of the time the motivation won’t be there. Because there is no need to change something in your life. You’ll stop temporarily and eventually can’t resist the porn, because you have fun with your multiple girlfriends on screen.

    I have met many people in rehab, 12 steps and read many posts here about people that want to stop for their girlfriend/wife. Not even for themselves. So they don’t lose her.. This is a fucked up reason. It is impossible to stop for someone else. You’ll stop temporarily and be back watching porn and hiding it better from her. The motivation will be gone in an amount of time.

    Some people do it to get a girlfriend. Look, getting a girlfriend is a side effect of stopping porn, becoming a better man, self-improvement, self-respect, self-love etc. But if getting a girlfriend is the main goal, you’ll be back in a matter of time watching porn. Because the motivation is outside yourself. You’ll be back to porn when you have that girlfriend.

    Ask yourself if you can’t resist porn: Why should a women be with you? Why with you, if you are dishonest, hiding things from her, make her insecure and only see her as a sex object to perform porn fantasies on? She is not your pornstar. Why should she be with a weak childish boy, that even can’t resist porn? Porn is not a basic human need. You don’t need it to survive. If you can’t resist porn, how are you gonna handle tough moments in life like the current pandemic? A women can’t trust and build upon you. Why should she be with you if you rather have sex with your computer instead of loving, connecting and having great sex with her?

    When you do it all for yourself, wanting a better life, healthy dopamine system, healthy functioning brain, stop feeling shame and guilt, to be free, have more self-love, be more confident, have more energy, having a fulfulling life, having great sex, the motivation will be there. You’ll resist those urges/temptations and will fight through it. No matter what. Because you want it so badly, you will do everything for it. It will still be very hard and painful, but not impossible. The pain will be worth it. Eventually, great things will come in life.

    I do it all for myself. These days there are so many information (many books, articles,websites etc.) available that show the dangers of porn on the brain. I can maybe let someone know why I stopped or the books that I read, but it is up to them if they want to stop. I don’t have to convince others the dangers of porn or to persuade them to stop with it. Why should I? That is a waste of my time and energy.

    I can’t change others, only myself. I am only responsible for myself. If somebody wants to watch porn, let them be weak, live a miserable life and a slave of the porn industry. Let them have sex with multiple girlfriends on their computer. I really don’t care if other people want to watch porn. It’s up to them. I let people take their own responsibility.

    Have a great porn free day! :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2020
  2. Straight to the point mate I appreciate that.
    I've also done a very brief stint in rehab and have been totally clean and sober about a year now never thought in my wildest dreams I'd be living the life I am now.
    Just realized in the last 6 months or so how unacceptable porn is.

    I've been battling it for a while now but just joined nofap today I do have the software ever accountable and a friend who keeps me accountable, that has been enough to keep me pretty motivated. This will be a good way to get encouraged by other people fighting the good fight it is difficult alone.
    I don't want to watch p im actually sickened by it now unfortunately I did M last night but didn't view anything.

    The struggle at the moment is staying away from any form of release little tricky waking in the middle of the night overwhelmed by lust.

    I'm challenging myself to a month and I believe i can do it. I was looking through my journal today and generally go 14 to 24 days so now after that failure and seeing the effect brain fog etc and just overall unhappy. I will win this. Thanks for listening.
     
    MyMind07 likes this.
  3. MyMind07

    MyMind07 Fapstronaut

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    Congratz man on the 1 year. From what are you clean?
    In the end, the hard work pays off and you will be rewarded.
    What are you gonna do after that month? Are you temporary staying off porn or for forever? I don't know if you learned this in rehab: just for today. Freedom is one day at a time. It is more doable to focus on small goals. When i have an urge, i just say; Not now or Not Today. I don’t have to think about getting the 90 days, 1 year, 5 year etc. It will come automatically when i stay free everyday. Don't count the days, let the days count.

    Matt Fradd says it beautifully in his book The Porn Myth:

    “Freedom is one day at a time. Real freedom from porn is a lifetime of todays, a lifetime of moment-by-moment choices. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will be anxious for itself.”
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  4. Well got sort of sent there by family but only stayed a week it was a little strange and then took a couple of years of getting worse after to truly clean up.
    Lets just say my favorite was opiates but I got miraculously healed God told me one day run out of drugs and I'll clean you up. The day I finally ran out I woke up had a mild rumbling of the stomach showered etc and I was totally set free no real withdrawal. I did have a couple of relapses but they where never good and I was never hooked again, been about a year now.

    When it comes to this it's forever man, Its such a waste of time and energy I am a better me of a clear mind no anxiety no brain fog no feelings of shame.

    Yes I sort of understand that now when I first realized it was something I should not be doing I thought It would be easy and I shouldn't have to struggle but it hasn't been easy but It feels good to know I'm trying and others are to with success every day clean is another day closer to the goal of no going near it.
    Effectively p acts like a drug and we should treat it like that.
    Perhaps I'd agree on the government censoring the internet if they just banned anything adult related.
    Imagine how good our society would be not plagued with men wasting their manliness on pixels.
     
  5. Shimaxizofavegain

    Shimaxizofavegain Fapstronaut

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    The truth has been spoken, kudos
     
  6. DanForABetterLife

    DanForABetterLife Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro! Nicely said and on point.

    I've tried doing noFap in the past because I was very focused on making this girl that I want to like me. At first I was able to hold it of for a week or two, but eventually will go back to square one. We got close with each other, though as we continue to share ourselves with each other, my insecure self, my lack of drive for life, and my weak personality made her to leave me. It was painful, I was broken and felt so down in my life. But it was an eye opener. It made me go back to Porn and Masturbation, but eventually learned my lesson. It was about 3 years in the past, and I have other failed relationships with other woman (with me leaving them or them leaving me) since that happened, but I still feel down sometimes when I think about it. Now, I'm doing this thing for myself. I've learned my lesson and will surely become a better person.

    Just here to appreciate your post!
     
    Shimaxizofavegain likes this.
  7. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    An even more radical, (but really common sense if you think about it) take is don't even do it for a result, or benefits to be had in the future. The most immediate issue is people don't even pay attention to what they're doing, it's like the difference between someone who enjoys their job and/or takes pride in it and someone who just do it to get a pay check. Unlike a job where you may get away with goofing off to some extent, what we put into this process is directly proportional to what we get out of it. If it's just biding time and counting days, that'll be the extent of the result.

    Put another way, you don't even do it for the sake of a better self - you do it to make this self, just as it is now just slightly better this minute. Any self improvement and development has its intrinsic benefits, not just how it potentially translates to your sex life. Physical exercise benefits the body, mental exercise benefits the mind.
     
  8. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    Stop to make yourself stronger.
    The strength of licentious women can’t be your weakness.
     
    DanForABetterLife likes this.
  9. Shuffledude88

    Shuffledude88 Fapstronaut

    Thank you! We need More of this here. This mindset is the only one which will last.
     
    BurgerChamp likes this.

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