Do or do not, there is no try

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Bobske, May 24, 2019.

  1. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    50 days, 1.200 hours of the rest of my life
    40 days of Yoga
    5 days of Intermittent Fasting

    Some low level horniness the whole day yesterday. From waking up to going to sleep.
    Not exactly urges or itches, not vene thoughts. It fel like a levele of awareness.
    Probably because I've been expecting SO to want sex the last couple of days because we are in that time period of her cycle. But her being busy in her head, it probably won't happen.
    Trying not to dwell on it and not to miss the rest of the intimacy is hard and get bad thoughts.

    Today I'm starting with making my life a lot more screenfree. It is infromation/dopamine addcition and I notice everytime I slip up f.e. started watching news again with COVID-19. It increases to more and more, different things etc. (Facebook, hobby news, youtube). Just like with P.
    It also increases my PMO wants, just like any other addiction (sugar, daffeine, fast food).
    So checking and deleting my browser history and you tube history on phone and laptop each morning from now on.
    Stay Vigilant!
     
  2. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    51 & 52 days, 1.248 hours of the rest of my life
    42 days of Yoga
    7 days of Intermittent Fasting
    2 days of NoScreen

    Yesterday was screenless Sunday again so a 2 day post.
    Had sex. No O.
    Starting to realise that posting is becoming an addcition and a chore at the same time again.
    So have to watch my balance, posting helps me stay focused but it is still a tool.
     
  3. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    53 & 54 days, 1.296 hours of the rest of my life

    44 days of Yoga
    9 days of Intermittent Fasting
    4 days of NoScreen


    I worked at friend S.'s house 2 days. Digging a trench for a water pipe. All by myself because I have they key now and given myself a week off (Mulligans at cardmarket is still doing the customers orders, but no other work;).
    Tiring work, so nt much energy left for PMO thoughts, urges etc.
    SO is still in processing her thoughts and emotions and talking a lot, which is very nice.

    My mind is sending me P like picture of us having sex Sunday. But hey that's better than random pictures =)
    Have to watch it today, because I'm tired now of course. Willpower lower because I'm tired?
    Of course not, that's an excuse. I have the POWER!
     
    Acky31 likes this.
  4. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Had a hard few days, lot of itches and urges and thoughts on Wednesday and Thursday.
    Although I kept myself busy and exhausted with digging a hole for drainage at friend S's house.

    Probably Chaser Effect from sex with my wife without O on Sunday
    Today is still the same.
     
  5. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    I fell into the dopamine trap again. Not PMO, but posting, clicking, liking, right here!
    The living the life of others on any screen time instead of living my own life .
    Being on NoFap still feeds the Fap brain
    So goodbye and thanks for all the fish.
    I'll keep fighting the good fight and I'll be back....but very rarely
     
  6. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    58 & 59 & 60 days, 1.440 hours of the rest of my life

    Still going. 2/3 of the way.
    Only 5 more days to beat my longest streak.
    As little screen time as possible is working.
     
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  7. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    61 & 62 & 63 days, 1.512 hours of the rest of my life

    Passed the 1.500 hour mark.
    Only 2 more days until my first and longest streak.
    Horny the last couple of days but not inclined to watch P.
    This Too Shall Pass.
     
  8. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Longest streak ever! =)
    It does not feel like victotry yet because I'm horny the last couple of days. Working out issues with/from my SO.
    This makes me stressed, and want O and at the same time feel close to her and wanting to feel closer, make love.
    At the same time it is scary to be so close and more closeness is rejected.
    I start thinking, this is never gettin better, I'm never getting rid of wanting to make love, our sex live isn't going to be better, so I'll always be this frustrated. Ergo: Let's get out of here.

    Had these thoughts before, many times. This Too Shall Pass.
     
  9. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Not blogging every day works better for me now. It helps not being fixated on NoFap.
    What also helped the last 3 days was that I had a colonoscopie. (everything is well).
    A check up because my father died of Colon cancer 20 years ago.
    You have to flush your bowels clean so my mind and body were to occupied with other things.

    3 more weeks, 21 days and I'll have reached the 90 day mark.
    I will not be better, I will not be cured. But I will be stronger.
    Onwards!
     
  10. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 70, 1.680 hours of the rest of my life

    Well the last 20 days, maybe I'll start posting daily again... maybe.
    I was very horny yesterday, keeping track now, it was the same a week ago.
    This leads to bad thoughts about my relationship, trying to let go. Relationship is fine.
    Sex-life is pretty bad (once a month and I can almost set the clock to it, her cycle, probably this Sunday)

    Well it is what it is, first take care of myself. This to shall pass.
     
  11. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 71, 1.704 hours of the rest of my life

    19 days left
    Still itchy. It was a tiresome and stressful week with the operation.
    Tired + stressed means I want some positive stuff = dopamine shot = PMO.
    NO!
    And I do not want to replace one addiction with another, so no other "rewards" when I feel bad.
    Just learn to deal with feelings, they come and go, this too shall pass.

    The same with positive feelings, thought they are the more elusive, seductive trap.
    I feel love for my SO does not mean we need to have sex, this too shall pass.

    But that last one is the harder.
     
  12. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 72 & 73, 1.752 hours of the rest of my life

    17 days left
    The day before yesterday was quiet. Worked at friend's S house, warm day.
    Too busy to think of PMO.

    Yesterday, as predicted, SO and I had sex. No O for me.
    We tried Penetration, but it was painful for her so we stopped.

    We were both tense because of my colonoscopie this week and sex is always emotional and difficult for the both of us.
    So we argued and continued to argue this morning. But we made up and SO is gone for 2 days.
    So watch it Mister! Be mindful. ;)
     
  13. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 74, 1.776 hours of the rest of my life

    16 days left

    Yesterday was ok. SO has gone away for two days. Trigger, SO is not there.
    Another Trigger, we had sex the day before.
    Stayed busy, but not too busy (else I get stressed, which is another trigger).
    I couldn't sleep for a short while which triggered some more but I resisted.
     
  14. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 75, 1.800 hours of the rest of my life

    15 days left

    Yesterday was ok. SO returned home. I resisted all triggers (did physical exercises every time I even thought of Sex).

    Started smaller challenges to get me through the last days.
    Even better the first days of a new life, there is no end, although O with my SO are allowed again after 90 days :)
    1 Day Challenge completed

     
  15. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 76, 1.824 hours of the rest of my life

    14 days left

    My brain feels different. But I have felt this way before, so staying vigilant.
    Two more weeks for this challenge.
     
  16. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 77, 1.848 hours of the rest of my life

    13 days left

    I've started smaller challenges besides the 90 day one (1 day, now 3 days etc.)
    This seems to trigger my brain somehow. Yesterday was ok.
    Today I'm horny. Not really physically attracted but my brain keeps wondering to sexual thoughts.

    Well, this too shall pass.
     
  17. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 78, 1.872 hours of the rest of my life

    12 days left
    I think my brain is fixating again because I'm nearing the finish.
    Somewhat like: in 12 days we can back to the addcition, or at least O again.
    No, no no.
    This to shall pass.
     
  18. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 79, 1.896 hours of the rest of my life

    11 days left

    Had the bachelor party for friend S. yesterday.
    Started out earlyish and returned home late-ish so no time to think of sex.
     
  19. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Day 80, 1.920 hours of the rest of my life

    10 days left

    Well time to count down.
    <trigger warning>
    Yesterday I was lying on the couch, SO wanted to sit to and said I could lay mt head in het lap. We both were reading books. She started rubbing my chest. One thing led to another and she touched me everywhere.
    I stopped her before O, but that was hard, and still is. Body kept giving of Orgasmic like vibes.
    But it stopped.

    We had a good conversation afterwards about SO's problems which was very nice.
     
  20. again

    again Fapstronaut
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    You just gotta love a woman who enjoys fixing fences or cutting up firewood!
     

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