Women don't particularly care biologically if their child is fathered by their primary relationship or not, because it's biologically their child. They actually have incentive to trick a guy to maintain resources for themselves and their children and not lose his support. For men, raising another man's child unknowingly is betrayal at the deepest level, and is effectively "brood parasitism
Tell me if I'm understanding correctly:
A PA could be faced with a SO who has had a revenge physical affair. This opens the door to a potential pregnancy outside of the original relationship. The woman will keep & love the child regardless of the father. If the SO & PA choose to stay committed & raise the child together, the PA will be reminded daily of the betrayal of his SO AND he will have resentment that it was not his own blood-line reproduced?
I'm probably way off, but, I think I understand what you mean.
Humanity could literally survive genetically with only 1 fertile man, but not with only one fertile woman, due to the genetic bottleneck. This is generally why women's "sexual market value" is so much higher than a man's during her most fertile years.
Fascinating to see it this way...makes absolute sense.
While men do have a self-preservation instinct, and your boat analogy is extremely helpful in seeing your point of view, men generally don't care as much about emotional infidelity as sexual infidelity. That's not to say that an emotional affair doesn't hurt men, though! It just doesn't hurt as much, and that's just because there's a difference in drives and motivations. I think also, deep down women realize that men compartmentalize, and see emotional infidelity on the part of the man as showing a higher risk of losing him than it just being sex, and losing their protector and provider is perceived by women as an actual survival risk. On the other hand, men see sexual infidelity as an actual survival risk, while emotional infidelity is not.
Again, let me know if I understand correctly:
Everyone, male & female, have basic needs (certainty, uncertainty, significance, love & connection, growth, & contribution). Men & women, however, have different primal needs. We are all prone to conditioning, whether it be society, environmental, or family influence. If I was stranded on a boat with my partner, the factors that have conditioned us in "the real world", would be gone & our primal needs as different genders would be laid bare.
Because I'm not stranded on a boat with my partner & we're in the "real world", I have not recognized him, as a MAN, with learned behavior/instincts/gender based primal needs that MEN embody because it's been that way since God made Adam; and he made Adam, to possess & use to his abilities more physical power over a woman.He made Eve (woman) to embody a nurturing, peaceful role to balance the male. Together, their primal needs fit perfectly together (or, they should).
Man hunts food & provides shelter. He judges his worth in life based on his primal needs (physical strength, protector). Therefore, when a woman physically betrays him, he sees that as the ultimate blow to his very core needs. He wasn't "man" enough.
Women keep a loving home & raise the children. They judge their worth based on their primal needs (communication, emotional closeness, etc). Therefore, to her an emotional affair or PMO addiction would be her ultimate blow to her core needs, as a woman.
Regardless if I'm understanding correctly, your post blew my mind. Thank you for opening dialogue to so many learning opportunities that will further allow me to view issues from the the male side. It truly does help in my healing as a SO to understand the male side of things. Thank you!
