Do this before approaching

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Erick Pastora, Apr 1, 2018.

  1. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    If you're reading this you probably have been in this situation: you go to the club or a party where you don't know many people and there you are in a corner with a drink on your hand and the other one in your pocket looking at all the hot women afraid of going there and talking to them. If you have been there then you're just like me. But hear me out, you don't have to be like that.
    If you're shy and you want to use approach anxiety for your own benefit, you probably are paralyzed when you want to take cold approaches and it's logical. You're trying to run a marathon without training. So the solution is to train yourself, ease yourself into the pool instead of bomb diving.
    But how do you train yourself? Not only do you have to take a lot of approaches to get better at it but in order to take a lot of approaches in a better way your social game should be good. I have a cousin who is one of the most sociable guys I've ever seen, when he gets to a bar 1 of every 3 people know him and he gets with a lot of girls. This is what PUA coaches call Setup Game.
    Imagine this situation: there's 2 guys in the gym, one of them doesn't talk to anyone and stares at the hot women in the gym all the time, the other knows all the coaches, receptionists and the people who work out. It's kinda obvious that if a hot girl walks into the gym she'll be more open to talk to the guy that everybody knows.
    Let's go through the fundamentals of this logic: hot girls have been approached a thousand times and they have a defense mechanism which avoids the creeps. Now, just to be clear, this isn't a way for you to "manipulate" women because you have to get out of that mindset in which women don't have a choice and you're the one who decides over them and manipulate them. Think of this as a way to get into the batter's box which doesn't guarantee you'll get a home run, it just gives you the opportunity to do so. The thing is to break the defense mechanism which drives away the creeps, so they can make their choice.
    Ok, so how do you become that guy? Practice. Instead of taking a thousand cold approaches to girls you like, make approaches to groups of people. Hang out with the friends you have and then talk to the friends of your friends, go to parties, talk to people at school, your job, the gym, everywhere. This is a great advice I've been given: when you go to the club or a party you get there nervous because you're not loose yet to go talk and be confident, start the night the moment you leave your house, maybe talk to friends that are going there to, make a pre party for yourselves and then when you get there you're loose and able to do social game and then cold approaches.

    Now, I know what some of you guys are thinking and it's because I have thought of it. "I don't like a lot of people" and that's natural, not even the most social people like everyone. But that doesn't mean you can't do social game. What you have to do is just listen and find something you like from the people you don't like and just talk about it, you don't have to make everyone your friend, the other people may not like you either but you can coexist. Thinking you're the one who likes someone or not and everyone likes you, so you're the one who picks who you want to be friends with is a very selfish way of thinking and that's getting you nowhere.
    I mentioned earlier the "Setup Game", and I'm not getting too deep into that so I'm just going to tell the basics. Setup Game is a combination of cold approaches and social game. This is the deal: being great at social game will make cold approaches much easier, it won't take away the fear, but you'll be able to use it in a positive way.
    Last advice: many people think alcohol will make game easier. This is the thing: when you get drunk you may be a great guy and maybe you can even get laid (which doesn't happen as much as you think), but when you wake up the next morning you're going to realize something, you are the same shy guy and if you're only getting laid and being social only when you're drunk you become alcohol dependent. You know what we call people that depend on alcohol? Alcoholics. The effect alcohol has on you is that it gives you permission to be an idiot, you can do anything you want and people won't criticize you because you're drunk so it's justified. What you should do is get drunk without the alcohol, give permission to yourself to be an idiot without being drunk, be yourself and get that social pressure off. All of this methods to get better at game, don't do them while being drunk, get good at game being sober and then you can go out and have a drink without being that the thing you depend on for game. Same goes for any other substance.
     
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Just.... say..... Hi.....................................

    She's human. You're human. Humans interact.

    Anything and everything else is just you getting in your own way.

    Game... technique.... methods.... circumstances.... getting ripped.... having a fun successful lifestyle...................................... All these pre-requisites just to interact with another human being..... or you can just say hi like a real person living in the real world.

    The problem is a lot of men place women above them and they think they need special methods and pre-requisites before they're worthy of interacting with them. That's just you getting in your own way.
     
  3. This. This is literally the problem almost all guys have. Placing women on a pedestal.

    Think of it this way. If you put a woman on a pedestal, she has to look down at you.
     
  4. As someone who had done this for most of my adult life, I can agree that this a terrible thing to do. She shits and farts just like you do, so she's nothing that special.

    If you want to take a slightly more bullish tone, remember this - "Every woman, no matter HOW hot she is, has a guy somewhere who is sick and tired of her bullshit." Sure, he may not have been intimate with her, heck it could even be a relative of hers, but she is not above causing drama. Idolising her gets a LOT when I kept this in mind.
     
  5. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    As a guy who has been shy all of his life I can say this is the kind of advice that doesn't change you. Yes, what you say is true, but you're only telling half the truth. You criticize methods and all the advice I post on this forum because maybe for you it has been easy. Is not that easy for the rest of the guys. Game is not a guy's fabricated concept, it's a natural mating concept. Game is not based on needy techniques for women to like you, but a way for you to become a better guy who can approach.
    Saying just say hi without the mindset you need causes guys to be like "ok, what's next?". If just saying hi would automatically get you laid then you and I wouldn't be here in this thread. It's about preparing guys for the real world, if you are a sociable guy then you won't struggle with approaching, that's the whole point of this thread.
    If you are a natural that can talk to any woman he wants and is genuinely happy in his life, congratulations. If this post doesn't apply to your life, congratulations.
     
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Telling people that they're not better or worst than others and everyone is on the same level doesn't change people who place others above or below them?

    Saying hi isn't enough eh?

    Alright. I'll leave your thread alone since you believe saying hello is the wrong method. There's got to be a more complex and advanced way of introducing yourself right?
     
  7. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    No, it doesn't. By telling them something you really think that will change them? People can only change by themselves, it's not about what you say to them from an outside perspective, it's about guiding them into being who they can be. You really think that saying "just say hi" will automatically change their minds? It's about how to beat that fear and go say hi.

    If you want to be irrational, be irrational. Get defensive all you want. If you weren't so slant in your mindset you would see it's not about the words you say when you approach, it's about you approaching, it's about you not being scared to do so. It's not about coming up with a lame pick up line. I'm not criticizing saying hi, I'm just saying that if you're still a guy scared of his own shadow who can't make a conversation, hi won't get you anywhere.
     
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  8. asbgca

    asbgca Fapstronaut

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    This exchange is really interesting to me. You don't get disagreement very often on these forums. For my part I agree with both @elevate and @Erick Pastora and I'm trying to figure out why.

    @elevate is saying that both men and women are human, and humans should just be able to go up to one another and have a conversation. Humans are on an equal footing, one isn't above or below the other. Any pick-up methods and techniques and all the strategizing guys put into it are just an obstacle to authentic human interaction. It's a sign guys are putting women on a pedestal above them.

    @Erick Pastora is saying that a guy who is set on getting laid won't do it just by saying hi. The 'naturals' are the exception. For most other guys approach anxiety is a real problem and can disable their attempts with women. A guy who doesn't tackle his anxiety through specific methods, strategies and lots of practice is bound to remain stuck on the sidelines. And likely not just in his dating life but in other areas that require confidence, like his career. So guys should learn about the dynamics of mating, set an approach strategy and go out there practicing it. Focused practice will make a guy more competent with women, and these results will in turn boost his confidence and change his mindset. Over time attractive women will seem much more accessible to him, no longer 'up on a pedestal'. What's important is to understand the 'inside perspective' of guys who are struggling with anxiety. Anxiety is a beast that set in over years and years. It takes time and a focused process to overcome it. Asserting that we're all human and should just interact authentically ('just say hi') is getting stuck in an 'outside perspective' that doesn't honor the internal reality of being anxious.

    You guys are welcome to correct me if I didn't get you right. First thing that jumps out at me is that @elevate is the idealist and @Erick Pastora is pretty clearly the realist here. My view is that we all have both voices speaking in us and real inspiration in life comes when we do something to put them together. Are we all human? Of course we are, who would deny it. And yet there is such a thing as real differences, power and hierarchy. Men and women are different and guys who know and honor these differences tend to have success. For example it's a proven fact that women are attracted to guys who display dominance.

    I'd say @elevate and @Erick Pastora are speaking past each other on the level of goals and values. Erick is assuming that a guy has getting laid as his main goal. A woman is someone to pursue sexually, and the more attractive the woman the better. With that goal in mind, it's then a question of finding the best means to achieve it - approach strategies, mindset work, etc. For @elevate the basic goals are different. It's something more like being an honest and authentic human being, staying true to oneself and not giving in to worry about the outcome of an interaction. And respecting the humanity in other people. Trying to get laid means worrying about a specific outcome. It also means treating a woman as a sexual object, both more and less than human at the same time.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2018
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  9. bobby_100

    bobby_100 Fapstronaut

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    u need to be my teacher
     
  10. bobby_100

    bobby_100 Fapstronaut

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    well i need a lot of couselling in approaching women ...
     

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