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Do women feel pressured to shave their pubic areas because that has been popularized in porn? Do guys pressure their SO to imitate the appearance of the porn they are watching?
My husband used to ask for that now and then. He said he would appreciate it. But he didn't pressure too much.
After I found out about the porn, I decided to never shave again. I don't want to look like them. I know that makes them more beutiful than I am. But it doesn't matter. I am 42, I can never look like a 20 year old girl, no matter what I shave or what surgery I have or whatever I do. They will always be more beutiful.
Either he likes me the way I am, or he desn't. His choice.
I am not even gonna dress up for him anymore. I can do it either for me or some other guy. Not for my husband. I know he doesn't apprreciate it.
Psalm27:1my light
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I am disgusted by this practice. I would never shave. To me, it’s “ I want a pre pubescent girl” vibes. I want my woman to look like a child , makes me want to puke. I’ve always been very vocal about this, so no, my husband has never asked or broached that. This is so icky. I do trim and keep it groomed , but completely shaved will be never. And yes, I do think less of men who want that. So much less. I really think about how and why it got started. Men either attracted to children or who wanted virgins. I know that today it’s been normalized, but still.
CrushedandLeaving
Fapstronaut
My husband always said he didn't care and the hair didn't bother him. After I found out and saw that he'd been preferring sexual encounters with women who'd been de-haired, I felt so incredibly disgusting. Everything about me felt disgusting, including just that I had any pubic hair at all. I don't feel capable of having a sexual encounter with anyone ever again while I have unshaved anything. It gives me panic and anxiety to think about.
CrushedandLeaving
Fapstronaut
Overall, I feel more pressured into never having children. There are just changes from that you don't come back from without surgery and I never want to put myself in a position where I've done something on purpose that makes me "less than" the revolving door of 18 year olds we all apparently have to compete with our entire lives. I will never have children, I don't eat certain foods, I strictly monitor my calories and protein intake, I work out five days a week. And I know I'm still never going to compete with a variety of teenagers.
Have you ever had to worry about that? Whether you look too little like the 18 year old boys your wife was choosing over you (because every single time porn is used in a relationship, it's being chosen over the partner) because you didn't look like what she wanted to orgasm to that day?
Have you ever had to worry about that? Whether you look too little like the 18 year old boys your wife was choosing over you (because every single time porn is used in a relationship, it's being chosen over the partner) because you didn't look like what she wanted to orgasm to that day?
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I really sorry that this has affected you so much.
I was really speaking in a hypothetical manner about society in general when I posted.
The closest I’ve come to this kind of anxiety is feeling like there must be something unattractive about me when my wife didn’t connect emotionally during sex and sometimes didn’t orgasm. I have felt like I needed to look like the guys I had seen in porn to be sexually attractive and to turn her on. But this was all projected by me since she wasn’t watching porn
So it’s very different than what you have experienced. The pressure on women in our society to only have value if they are a very specific kind of attractive is, wrong, unfair, unkind, and hurtful. people should be loved for who they are and not what they look like.
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I’ve heard this argument before. And it was kind of in the back of my mind when I made the post.
I do find a certain amount of grooming attractive. But I think it’s the idea of “If she trims, shaves, waxes, whatever, it is because she cares how it looks, wants me to see it and wants to share”. This idea is appealing.
That may or may not be true actually, but I think that is my own appeal.
I have found as I have gotten older, and as I don’t view porn, my appreciation for female beauty has changed.
I don’t know if I agree of not about it being trying to make women look like little girls
For sure, pornagraphers do promote some really disgusting stuff that encourages pedophile tendencies. But I wasn’t sure if the women desired this look for it’s functionality and their own aesthetic view or if it was foisted upon them by society and porn.
Before porn was widely available it was not something that average guys would see a lot of. I have only seen probably 4 adult vulvas IRL. So my awareness of this comes mostly from media.
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Psalm27:1my light
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Our society idolizes youth and beauty. Media controls and guides or directs what is considered beautiful. Consider this, when I was young being rail thin was considered beautiful. No curvy thick girls allowed ( me at 110 pounds) My daughters constantly tell me I have an “ ideal” body. To them( 30+ years later) the beauty is in small waist, big hips/butt, breast. I have always hated my big hips/butt/breast because it wasn’t seen as attractive in my teens. Being tan didn’t become popular until a movie star ( I forget who) made it sexy. What we see glamorized is what we tend to see as beauty. Look at different nations and what they consider beautiful. It’s very interesting and it’s not universal. Especially different tribes!I’ve heard this argument before. And it was kind of in the back of my mind when I made the post.
I do find a certain amount of grooming attractive. But I think it’s the idea of “If she trims, shaves, waxes, whatever, it is because she cares how it looks, wants me to see it and wants to share”. This idea is appealing.
That may or may not be true actually, but I think that is my own appeal.
I have found as I have gotten older, and as I don’t view porn, my appreciation for female beauty has changed.
I don’t know if I agree of not about it being trying to make women look like little girls
For sure, pornagraphers do promote some really disgusting stuff that encourages pedophile tendencies. But I wasn’t sure if the women desired this look for it’s functionality and their own aesthetic view or if it was foisted upon them by society and porn.
Before porn was widely available it was not something that average guys would see a lot of. I have only seen probably 4 adult vulvas IRL. So my awareness of this comes mostly from media.
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I always heard it was Coco Chanel.
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Just one question given you are similar in age to me. When did you first hear of women shaving pubes? I remember guys talking about it as early as Jr. High. But of course I had no real idea of what they were talking about. I was pretty ignorant of such things. I only became aware of the practice being widespread in my late teens when the internet became a thing and I had access to porn.
It gave me a very skewed view of what female parts “should” look like (and male parts as well).
Psalm27:1my light
Fapstronaut
I honestly don’t remember. I just remember being disgusted by it. I don’t think I was as grossed out by porn though because the porn that was available before internet’s was vcr and more along the lines of a bad game of thrones, or eyes wide shut . It was nothing like what porn is today.Just one question given you are similar in age to me. When did you first hear of women shaving pubes? I remember guys talking about it as early as Jr. High. But of course I had no real idea of what they were talking about. I was pretty ignorant of such things. I only became aware of the practice being widespread in my late teens when the internet became a thing and I had access to porn.
It gave me a very skewed view of what female parts “should” look like (and male parts as well).
In many cases what she actually cares about is how many clicks/likes she gets. She cares how it looks because she needs people to choose her out of the thousands available. She wants you to see it because that's how she makes money. Most people don't want to show their nicely groomed genitals to the entire world because they 'want to share', it's a job.
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I tried to use this example with my husband in the hope he would see how inappropriate it is for middle aged men to seek out teenage bodies - "how would you feel if I got off on images of young men?" . Well, apparently he'd completely understand and he'd be fine with that. Only the thought of that had never crossed my mind, and I have no intention of, or wish to do it. What would society's take be on middle aged women routinely gawping at naked young men?
If an older man has a relationship with a much younger women, it's often 'good on him'. When it's a woman with a much younger man it seems society feels there is something not right about it. Why is that?
Psalm27:1my light
Fapstronaut
I never wanted kids. 1000% the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved feeling them move inside my belly, I miss that so much. I loved nursing them( before kids that kinda grossed me out, lol). I will never marry again, never get into another romantic relationship, but I’d have more kids in a heartbeat if I could. A dozen more! They are 21,24,25 now and every stage has been a gift. Emergency surgery for my gall bladder did more damage than kids. I didnt get any stretch marks though and no c sections.
Psalm27:1my light
Fapstronaut
Unfortunately it’s becoming more normalized by Hollywood with women going for much younger men. And, did you see the comments about Keanu Reeves? He’s literally with a woman his age and the comments were horrendous. She looks like his mom, why would he settle for her, she has grey hair how old is she? And on and on by both men and women. He is one of the very few men I admire in this world.
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I totally get that.
It’s absolutely true.
But that’s what porn is, right?
It’s all fantasy. Its just the idea that the person in the picture is wanting your attention. It is a false connection.
IRL the person might be absolutely disgusted by you and not be attracted to you in any way. The truth might be that they were drugged at the time and are now ashamed of the pictures out there in the world. Or it could be something they shared with an ex that put it out on the web.
Sooooo many reasons not to be a part of it by not looking.
Thank you for adding further comments. I found it difficult reading 'wants to share. This idea is appealing' without the additional context because in many situations they choose to share to make money, or they may not be choosing at all (or making a 'choice' based on the less of two evils), so how could that ever be appealing?
And I struggle with people viewing these images and not having all that in the back (or front!) of their mind. I can't switch off from those negative thoughts for a moment, and so cannot equate any of it in a positive 'fantasy' light. My default it to associate fantasies with positive dreams or aspirations, not someone trying to make money to cover their rent or because they've been coerced into doing something.
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When my wife would do various forms of grooming from totally natural to completely bald and things in between, I liked any change because it made me think that she cared how it looked which in my mind meant she wanted me to see it. I loved that.
But in porn it was a different thing.
I don’t look at porn anymore and haven’t for many years. But even when I did, it wasn’t to fantasize about the women and jerk off to them. It was something else. Some kind of weird approval. Being “invited” into a private space. (Obviously completely untrue) A feeling of being wanted. Masturbation was something separate. That was something I did to imagine my wife wanting me and fantasizing about her acting different toward me. Accepting me and loving me as I am.
Different fantasy. But still false.
In reply to your initial question my husband never pressured me in any way - but this is part of his wider issues, he can't share what he likes, wants or needs for fear of being rejected.
I do trim because it's more comfortable for me - I still do that when not in a relationship. But I hate the thought of being bald, it would not seem natural for a person of my age, and would quite possibly be horribly itchy!
I'm interested in your difference between not fantasizing about the women, but having a sense of being invited into their private space. My husband has never been able to articulate why he looks at p much beyond it's what he's always done (and masturbated to it). I have think it's his child brain still being dominant, and him seeking the comfort (or excitement) he found as a teenager, again without the risk of any rejection.
I do trim because it's more comfortable for me - I still do that when not in a relationship. But I hate the thought of being bald, it would not seem natural for a person of my age, and would quite possibly be horribly itchy!
I'm interested in your difference between not fantasizing about the women, but having a sense of being invited into their private space. My husband has never been able to articulate why he looks at p much beyond it's what he's always done (and masturbated to it). I have think it's his child brain still being dominant, and him seeking the comfort (or excitement) he found as a teenager, again without the risk of any rejection.
Psalm27:1my light
Fapstronaut
Is your husband adhd? Rejections a big one for many who have that. And yes , I’d think it would be horribly itchy!!