Do you ever feel like this isn't worth it and this causes you to binge longer?

The rubber band's elasticity increases the more you stretch it. Sure, maybe it snaps back a bit harder, but in the long run, it will stretch a lot farther than when you first got it.

 

I feel your frustration and share the same questions. I'm nearly at 2 mo without porn and not happy about it. Doesn't seem 90 days will be any different, but I push forward to it anyway. I've heared many talk of 90 days as kind of a standard length for some measure of brain re-wiring.

 

Recovery from any addiction is not a destination but rather a oath you walk forever. So you can't think of it as a ”are we there yet” and then you're done. Otherwise you relapse. Bros here have gone YEARs clean only to one day binge and fall back into bad habits.

 

Some of the resources I've seen gave me the impression there's a possible destination. They describe the problem as bad brain wiring, and say with sufficient time, this heals, they talk about neural plasticity, and how the brain goes back to "normal", which sounds like it would eliminate the struggle. If the struggle never ends, I can't see fighting it forever.

 

Yes I feel the same. Ever since I started to take this more and more seriously I also started to binge more and and become more addicted feels like.
But I think it's in our head and it is an excuse we tell ourselves so we don't take control when in fact all we need is more discipline.

 

For me. I've been over 500 days free of PMO.
And I'm honestly just starting to feel change. And this is 500 days worth of working on recovery almost every single day , going through the 12 steps in detail , reading around 8 books, talking with my sponsor each week , seeing a physcologist twice a week for this time , a month long treatment course. And going to SAA each and every single week for well over 15 months.
It's alot of work. BUT if I can do it. Anyone can. You need come to the realization that you cannot fight this alone. Your addiction is way too powerful . For me , I understand that my addictive voice is way too powerful and will always be powerful. I understand that I will always need my support system. ( And that's not a negative thing, I am so grateful that I found a group of people that I can reach out to , confide in, and feel 100% no judgement and 100% support.
I would also recommend researching what the " three circles" are and do that excercise. And constantly keep trying to find the things in life that trigger you. YouTube music videos ? Snapchat ? Instagram ? Certain Netflix movies? How badly do you want to rid this addiction ? You can do this !

 

I understand you man, it is hard. I think that there is a strong obsession with day counters here. We want to see huge numbers on our counters but while recovery efforts continuing, if we relapse again and again it becomes meaningless to use it. Prepare yourself if a relapse happens, not to binge. Easy to say, hard to do. I know there is a chaser effect, I know it is hard to get back to your way again. In my opinion, keeping a PMO calendar or spreadsheet do better job about this. When you look back your history, these tools provide you a data. Data is important, it shows you a bigger picture than any day counter. But here is a thing: You rewired your brain a bit with quitting porn in those 35 days nevertheless you need more to end this addiction. In my experience, I used more porn than a decade, I don't expect I will 'heal' in 90 days or even one year. Remind that nothing can be a green light to porn, including these tracking systems, there is just one way out, the hard way. Withdrawals significantly lessen after 3 months but this struggle is about life. Quit for life, think about how efficient your emotional management system,mine was suffering it might my number one relapse reason in my all recovery attempts. I think a user can no longer be an addict if he understand this mechanism. We generally use porn to escape from life, escaping from stress, anxiety, loneliness etc.

I hope you a good journey

 

No disrespect but what makes you think I will waste my time reading this tsunami of words.

 

This path is a difficult one. But it is worth it. I agree there is not real destination but there will come a time, at least there has for me, that you will not desire pornography anymore. I don't. Its been over 5 years now. You can beat this. Its about what you do when you are feeling down.

Get some professional help if needed. Its worth it. Therapy and 12 step actually made things worse for me. I found the greatest help to me to be a "coach". A person specifically trained and experienced in working with men who view pornography, cheat on their wives, masturbate, etc.

 

Here, I made it worse.


Iactuallyalreadytrackmystreaksandprogresswithcalendarsonmylaptop.Ihavebeendoingthisforexactlyayear.Ijustuse3differentcolouredcrossestodothis.Agreencross,ayellowcross,andaredcross.Agreencrosswouldbeaveryminorrelapse,likemasturbatingtoafewpicturesfor5minutesorso.Ayellowcrosswouldmoreberelapsingtosomethingbutforlonger,sonolongerthananhour.Thenaredcrosswouldbetheworst,basicallyanyrealformofedgingandbingingetc.Idon'treallywritedownwhatcausedmyrelapses,whichismaybesomethingIshoulddo.ButIalreadyhavequiteagoodideaofthethingsthatcausemetorelapse.IntruthIwouldsaythemainthingthatcausesmetorelapseishangoversfromalcohol,theworsethehangovertheworsetherelapse,binge.Hangoversfromalcoholmakemeliterallyinsanelyhorny.TheworsethehangoverthemorehornyIseemtobe.Ihaveissueswithalcohol.Ipotentiallycouldbeanalcoholic.Idon'tdrinkeveryday,butIwouldsayIonaveragebingedrinkabouttwiceaweek.Ihaveissueswithmymentalhealth,severeanxiety,severeocdanddepression.WhatIhaveactuallyfoundiswhenIamcleanfromalcoholmymentalhealthisactuallyworse.Ihavebeencompletelycleanfromalcoholformonthsbefore,andmymentalhealthwasactuallyworsefromthis.IwouldmoreunderstandifmymentalhealthwasworseinitiallyafterIquitdrinking,butnoformeIcouldbecompletelycleanforovertwomonthsorlongerandmymentalhealthisactuallymuchworse.Igetsevereocdandsevereobsessionstothepointitislikementaltorture.IwouldactuallysaythisisthemainthingthatcausesmetodrinkagainwhenItrytoquitalcohol.Havingalcoholinmylifeseemstomellowthesesevereobsessions,andthealcoholdoesn'tjustmellowthesesevereobsessionswhenIamdrinking,itseemstonumbthemevendayslater.Iknowmanyofyoumightthinkthisiswithdrawalfromalcoholcausingthis,butinmyopinionIactuallythinkalcoholseemstobemellowingmymindandshuttingthesesevereobsessionsup,ratherthanthealcoholit'sselfbeingbehindthesesevereobsessions.IthinkIwouldhavethesementalhealthissuesevenifIneverdrankalcoholatall.OtherreasonsImightrelapseonPMOIguessisImightjustgetsthoughtswhereIthinkwhat'sthepointinkeepinggoing.Igetlow,mylifeisn'tgoingthewayIwantitto,Ican'tgetawomanoranysexualintimacy,andthenIjustkindofthinkwhat'sthepointinnotPMOing.AnotherreasonImightrelapseonPMOisIhaveactuallyseriouslyrestrictedmyselffrompornandartificialsexualstimulation.Sonosmartphone,notv,nodeviceIcanaccesstheinternetonexceptmylaptop.ThenIhavemylaptopblockedupbeyondbelief,disablingloadsoffunctionsonmylaptop,nothavingadministrativeprivileges,usingloadsofdifferentblockers.IntruthIliterallycan'taccessanypornorartificialsexualstimulation,Ican'taccessanythingthatcausesmetorelapse.ButbecausethewayIhaveconfiguredmylaptop,oneoftheblockersIuseisbasicallythekeythatallowsmetoaccesseverythingagain.Thisblockercangetmeadminprivilegesback,thisblockerisbasicallythekeythatallowsmetoaccesseverythingagainbecauseofthewayIhaveconfiguredmylaptop.ButthethingwiththisblockerisifIwanttoaccesseverythingagainIliterallyneedtowaitfor7daysbeforetheblockercountsdownto0whichunblocksimagesandvideosontheinternetagain,whichunblocksallmyapplications,whichallowsmeadminprivilegesagainetc.ButthethingwiththisblockerisIcanactuallysetittounblockeverythingwithin7days,butbeforethat7dayscountsdownto0Icanalsocancelthisdecisionbeforeitgetsto0.ButthethingisbecauseIbasicallyneverseeliterallyanypornorartificialsexualstimulation,andthatisnowordofalieIhardlyeverseeit.Iactuallythinkwhenmylifeisn'tgoinggood,plusthefactIactuallythinkIgetsuperexcitedatthethoughtofseeingpornandartificialsexualstimulationagainafterawhile,andIactuallygetreallyexcitedatthethoughtofPMOingagainafterawhile.SoitissortofshameonmewhenIrelapseandbinge.BecausewhenIrelapseandbingeIamnotdoingitonawhimbecauseIhavebeentriggered.Ihaveliterallyplannedit7daysinadvance.Notgood.YouknowhowImentionedIammuchmorehornywhenIamhungoverfromalcohol?TherehasactuallybeenalotoftimesIhaveactuallyplannedondrinkingthenightbeforeIamgoingtobeabletoaccesseverythingagain.Sowhenmyblockercountsdownfrom7daysto0,whenitisonday1Ihaveactuallydeliberatelydrankalotofalcoholthatday,fullwellknowingthatthenextdayIamgoingtobeabletoaccessallthatpornandartificialsexualstimulationagain.

 

Hahaha you little rascal, you always make my day with your witty comments.

 

Do you think that there is more going on than just pornography? I know that I have dealt with porn because of factors of inadequacy and not liking myself. I remember I would stop porn for a bit but feel nothing. recently I realized that porn was connected to other things with me? maybe this could be happening to you.

Also, the all or nothing principle can be dangerous. If you don't make it to your goal of 30 days, you would look at it as a failure. In reality, that might not be the case, and could have had one bad day. Of course, the bad day needs to be corrected but when looking at the big picture any progress can be good progress. Maybe take a step back and not be so hard on yourself and that could bring some satisfaction back in stay fap free for a certain time.

Keep up the great work, king.

 

I used to have that logic you described at the end. I would think if I screwed up then its right back to square one, but it isn't. We all make mistakes and have to understand it is part of the process. If a mistake is made, reflect what was going on and try to be a better person from it. We are all so hard on ourselves and sometimes we do not give ourselves a break.

The streaks we have on this site are cool but that isn't the end goal. For me, it is the act of changing our behaviors and who we are as a person. To me, this will make us better. It has worked with me a bit. I still struggle with personal demons and I know that I go to porn when I am in a dark place. If I am in good space, porn doesn't cross my mind much. Keep up the hard work.

 

I do Nofap because of all the positive traits I get.

- More Willpower
- More leadership
- The ability to say ''No'' to people without feeling any remorse ( I used to be the typical nice guy)
- Better judgement ( I ask less dumb questions and take more wise decisions)

I also do it because I find porn disgusting, immature and its too much dopamine for the brain.

Do you feel like you get no benefits at all from the Nofap? Like litteraly no differences?