Do you ever feel like this isn't worth it and this causes you to binge longer?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Tbh It is somewhat of a rollercoaster journey, a lot of ups and down.

    I get upset with myself when I relapse because I usually always go back to that heavy edging binging behaviour, which I feel just shows that I am a true addict, and it makes me think I haven't recovered all that much. Then sometimes the PIED can be bad, but then other times I don't feel like I have much issues in that department.

    But I must admit, there is a lot of positives. I am much better compared to what I used to be.

    I made this post just after a few days of heavy relapsing, edging and binging. I am actually feeling much better now.

    Yesterday and today I have been getting really good spontaneous erections. Waking up with morning wood, randomly getting a boner, slightly touching my dick and its been going fully erect. I haven't been masturbating the last two days, and of course I haven't been looking at porn or artificial sexual stimulation the last two days.

    Naturally I am very happy with the way my dick has been working the last two days. But what concerns me is maybe it isn't working this good because I am actually healing? But maybe it is actually only working this good because I am actually in somewhat of a chaser effect after that PMO binge I ended up in a few days ago?

    If it is the latter then this is naturally very disappointing. Like is it going to be a case of the longer I am actually clean from PMO the worse my dick is actually going to work? It's definitely not very motivating and quite depressing if this is the case. But from what I have experienced on this journey that wouldn't surprise me.

    Something I was thinking though is if a guy has no sexual outlet for a long period of time, then is it any wonder their dick isn't working good?

    Like I have actually read about guys that have had very long streaks where they have actually had to, or been recommend to engage in some sort of sexual activity to jumpstart their sex drive. Obviously with no porn or artificial sexual stimulation. But with masturbating etc, and of course getting with a real woman.

    What this would indicate to me is that old saying use it or lose it could be somewhat true. If guys on very long streaks with no sexual outlet just remain having dead dick, and no sexual urges what so ever.

    PS if any guys actually want to have long term dead dick and no sexual urges then I have to admit this isn't something I would want at all. I couldn't think of anything worse.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2020
  2. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to demotivate you but it probably is the latter as I experience the same thing.

    What you have to realise though is that with nofap things generally get worse before they get better so yes after a few days your dick will die and you'll feel terrible for all manner of reasons, that's just something you have to go through but eventually you'll come out the other side. You say you didn't feel much different going x amount of days without porn but you were still MO'ing regularly in that time and this is preventing the healing/flatlining stage to occur. I don't think you should make any judgement on whether this is worth it until you've managed to go 90 days no PMO, this should be your motivation to keep trying.

    I can only give my experience but when I went two months no PMO you are right, for pretty much all of it my dick was dead and I got to a point where I had no urges or even thought about women/porn/sex or whatever. I thought to myself well at least I'm over my porn addiction but you know what happened? One day my libido started to come back and a few days later I was as horny as I've ever been, I didn't do anything to incur this change, it just happened. I also had much more energy, all these years(before finding out about nofap) I'd always been puzzled by how tired I would get despite living a relatively healthy lifestyle but now I know why.

    What I didn't get from those two months though was the mental changes I was hoping for but I have to believe that they would have come in time, otherwise I wouldn't have the motivation to keep going.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2020
  3. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Your probably right.

    From what I have been experiencing recently, I honestly believe that there will be a lot of guys going about who have sex who aren't actually running on their full factory settings. So they will have certain porn induced brain changes but they can still physically have sex.

    Today and the last few days I honestly believe I would of been capable of physically having sex. I believe I would be capable of having sex the now. The solid erections I seem to be getting so easily, and they are just staying up so easily without me even touching it. I honestly reckon I would physically be able to have sex with the way my erections have been the last few days.

    But again I probably do still have porn induced brain changes.

    There's no doubt it is a very frustrating and depressing scenario if going through the process of 100% healing your self actually causes your dick to work much worse, to the point you have dead dick, and this going on for a long time.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2020
  4. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

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    I joined this site a few years ago and I understand what you are going through. I was at your stage when I first started. I was just trying to get a long streak going because it made me feel like I was making progress, but it was somewhat disappointing as far as the positive effects that I got from abstaining.

    That went on for the first year, after that I kind of fell off the wagon and rarely checked in here and had only short weekly streaks, but the binging decreased and overall porn use dropped dramatically. My will to quit though was almost non-existent, like I just accepted that I would just watch porn but manage it.

    I'm now back and trying to quit again because of course I can't manage it and I feel it's getting out of control again. The good thing is "out of control" isn't as out of control as it used to be, the progress is there. My will to quit is back.

    I just wanted to chime in and let you know that it's not always a straight forward path to progress line we want it to be. I've noticed that a lot of the people I talked to on this site don't log in often anymore and some delete their accounts all together. I wondered why that was when I first started and now I think I know. I think it's because some of us expect to just go on a streak and that will fix all of our problems, when it doesn't, or when we end our streak we give up and accept that we lost all of the progress we had made. I think that's a mistake, I think you should keep trying even if you keep failing. Don't delete your account even if you're not checking in, just have faith you will be back at some point.
     
  5. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I think the longer streaks is more of a mandatory thing for people with deep porn induced brain changes who haven't been on nofap and pornfree that long. But I don't feel like longer streaks are as mandatory for guys who have been on this journey for a long time who have actually healed their brain a lot, who have actually healed porn induced sexual dysfunctions.

    Yes we should all aim to never end up on porn and artificial sexual stimulation again. We should aim to never go back to that behaviour where we are masturbating to porn and artificial sexual stimulation again. But I feel like when a guy does relapse who has recovered a lot, or even binge who has recovered a lot. I feel like these sort of things actually don't set them back all that much as long as they get back up on the horse and get back in to the mindset I am quitting again.

    One thing I am a bit guilty of though is when I relapse it usually turns in to somewhat of a binge. So this lasting an entire day, or even sometimes lasting 2 days. Generally it never lasts any longer than 2 days for me though, and then I go on to be completely clean again for another 20-30 days. This is basically how my calendars look, a streak of 20-30 days on average, sometimes less than that, sometimes more than that, go in to somewhat of a binge for 1 or 2 days, then afterwards I'm back getting a streak of 20-30 days again.

    I have to be honest I am not really noticing that much negatives from this sort of pattern. However I think if these binges lasted longer than 1 or 2 days, so went on to last a week, 2 weeks etc. Then I would imagine I would be seeing much more negative consequences from this. But from my calendars I have noticed I will generally never let a binge last any longer than 1 or 2 days, and then I go on to be completely clean again for about 20-30 days on average. This seems to be the sort of pattern I am stuck in with this.

    Also I don't class masturbation on it's own as a relapse. I only class porn and artificial sexual stimulation as a relapse. So when I say I am clean for 20-30 days on average I mean I am clean from porn and artificial sexual stimulation in this time. But I do sometimes still masturbate just using my imagination, and from my own experience I cant really say that I am noticing much issues from this. It might be an issue for a guy with deep porn induced brain changes and porn induced sexual dysfunctions. But again I think for guys who have healed their brain a lot, who have basically cured those porn induced sexual dysfunctions, I really can't say that I think masturbation without porn and artificial sexual stimulation is much of an issue for guys like this.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
    soberhenry likes this.
  6. I think you should not be just for some really amazing results from this journey. I think it is already enough that you are doing better than you did before. Feeling better, wasting less time or money on this habit. I'm sure an alcoholic who has been sober for many months or years is not gonna feel superior effects but he is happy that he is not in the depths he was in. You could try to not count days as actively and focuse on counting week at a time or month at a time writing what interesting or when you were tempted during the week and what you did to avoid that.
     
  7. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Don't you ever feel intrigued by what 90 days hard mode could do for you? Or do you think the same results can be achieved with the route you're currently going with?
     
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  8. You've gotten much farther than I ever have, but all I can say is that I recognize I have a problem and I want to at least find out what 90 Days will do for me.
     
  9. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    All I can do is observe what has happened to me on my own journey.

    I have been at this for two and a half years and have never got a streak of 90 days of no PMO at all. But does that mean I haven't made any progress? From what I am experiencing this is massively false.

    I am at the point I would question wither or not I actually have porn induced sexual dysfunction anymore. It is working most days so good to the point I honestly don't think I have PIED anymore. Some days it might not work as good, but then other days it's just crazy how good it is working, and it is working good much more days than not. Believe me I can massively notice it.

    No disrespect but who are you or anyone else to tell me that my way doesn't work when I am experiencing the benefits from what I have done?

    I admit though that the addiction to porn and artificial sexual stimulation is still there, and I actually only do so good at staying away from it because of how restricted I am from it.

    But it is a frustrating scenario if people on here are basically telling me what I am doing and have done doesn't work, yet I am actually experiencing extreme benefits from what I have done. Particularly when it comes to improving and healing PIED.

    What I think is I know I am improving, especially when it comes to healing PIED. But you come across like no you need to do it this one and only way, you need to get 90 days of no PMO at all or you aren't going to get what you want. But who are you to tell me that when that isn't actually what I am experiencing?
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
  10. soberhenry

    soberhenry Fapstronaut

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    A 90 day streak definitely has it's benefits but it doesn't fix all your problems. It doesn't guarantee you will never relapse. I actually think it almost guarantees a relapse at some point. This doesn't mean I don't think you should attempt it but be prepared to keep struggling in the future.

    I like your plan, keep it up. You can always attempt a 90 reboot at anytime in the future to add to your progress if you feel you need to.
     
  11. Der Drachenkönig

    Der Drachenkönig Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it a good idea to obsess over the amount of days. It's not about counting days, but rather about making them count, as i've said before you may have 700 days on your counter, but if you haven't learned anything or gained new habits for your self improvement, then you missed the whole point of this and haven't moved from square one. Never really been one aiming to obtain high streaks, my target was the elimination of pornography dependency no matter how long this would take, i wanted to rewire my brain to the way it's supposed to be. I also never took the talk about the superpowers if you do this and that seriously one bit if i'm honest.
    I made it past 140 days, which might i add weren't easy at all it took a lot of willpower, suffering, trial and error and mostly because i didn't want to go back to being dependant rather than for keeping a streak. My first attempts didn't make it past 10 days but it changed once i begun seeing my therapist. Making it past 90 days wasn't only mission accomplished in that the brain rewiring and habits changing was succesful, but it was a major eye opener. You see, when you get it right and remove pornography's blindfold, when you get rid of it's smokescreen, then you come face to face with the head of the snake, the real adversary which you either hadn't noticed or hadn't wanted to even try to tackle, due to how terrifying the prospect seemed. In other words: The actual reason why you started to consume the digital drug. This of course, varies from person to person.
    Everyone carries his or her process in a different way and in a different rythm with different methods, but our goal is essentially the same. The idea is to achieve the new you, authentically free from the shackles of pornography addiction with all it may imply.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
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  12. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Woah, where did I say any of that?

    If you feel that what you're doing is benefiting you then great, keep doing it. I wasn't at all insinuating that you're doing it "wrong" or anything of the sort.
     
  13. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Our life is made up of what we do. A lot of what we do is automatic ie. habits. If we remove bad habits we have to replace them with good habits. We can choose what good habit will help us... exercise, meditation, time with family, things we find fun and improve our lives etc. There are millions of things we can do with our time that is better than PMO. What are you doing in the time when you used to PMO? If it is something you enjoy less, then you will be tempted to go back. This is even if the rewiring fixes some of the brain damage caused by PMO.
     
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  14. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Imagine how much enjoyment your life will give you if you spent all the time you spent on pmo (Or worrying about it) in the last year, if you focus on doing things that are good for you that you really enjoy from today onwards
     
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  15. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    It’s like someone who loses 10 pounds, that’s not a whole lot of weight; so when they look in the mirror their gut basically looks the same. But your heart, your knees, and internal organs and other physical parts of your body are repeating benefits from that loss of 10 pounds even if you personally cannot see it. Quit thinking that nofap is some magic potion that is going to give you nirvana; but do realize though, that even if you cannot see the difference, like with that 10 pounds, you still are repeating benefits from nofap.
     
  16. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    You said you were clean for 57 days or so? With all due respect, that is nothing. Think of it like this: if you lifted weights and ate right for 57 days you aren’t going to see huge results; but if you hit the weights and ate right for 8 straight months you are going to see noticeable progress. So like I said, 57 days is a very very small slice of the pie and isn’t nearly long enough. YEARS OF PORN ADDICTION VS 57 DAYS OF BEING CLEAN. You can do the math on your own. It’s easy to get in debt or gain weight, but when it comes time to clean the mess up don’t expect a quick fix. Best buckle yourself in for a long ride.
     
  17. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    It's not 57 days of being clean through. It's 2 and a half years on this journey with everything adding up. Please don't tell me you think your back to square one after every relapse or every binge do you?

    I didn't only get results and benefits from the 57 days. I got all the results and benefits from everything that has added up over the last 2 and a half years. The 57 days was only a small part of that.
     

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