Do you tell friends/family/other people that you're a fapstronaut?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by DutchAnonymous, May 1, 2015.

  1. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

    175
    174
    43
    I have no problem talking about my abstinence from P. I'm proud of that shit. I actually think it's hella funny to just play it off as the most normal thing in the world and have people gaze at me like I was some sort of alien. Then I try to very subtly confront them with how weird it is that we live in a society where not watching P is weird. I've gotten much better responses from this than when I tried to explain or preach. Let people do the thinking for themselves.

    Talking about not MOing is a bit different though, since that's a little more private. I wouldn't bring it up myself but then again, I'm absolutely confident about this when someone else brings it up. Because I know that none of them have thought this thing through as much as I have.

    One of my best friends didn't believe me when I first told him I hadn't PMOed in a week. At one month he laughed at me. At three months he called me crazy. At six months he was downright amazed. This development of response actually kept me motivated somehow. I have yet to tell him it's been over a year :D

    I do not like to talk about why I really stopped PMOing though (PIED etc.) because I'm NOT proud of that shit. That's really just for my closest friends and my girlfriend. I keep telling her how lucky she is to have met me at this point of my life ;)

    For some reason I don't really ever mention NoFap though unless someone really wants to get involved. Kinda wanna keep the community sacred or something, idk...

    So yeah, in general I would encourage people to speak out about the downsides of P, and if you feel confident enough (which you should, because you're one of the few people not hiding from these problems), mention your own experiences as examples & proof.
     
  2. DutchAnonymous

    DutchAnonymous Fapstronaut

    28
    10
    3
    I'm sorry for asking, but I noticed the word 'PIED' before and I don't know what it means :(
    For the rest, thank you! It's cool to read how you talk about it and that you're just playing with it to people! :)
     
  3. e5s

    e5s Fapstronaut

    325
    54
    28
    I haven't even told my husband about it, though we talk about feelings a lot, and sometimes M and P. He has strong opinions and powerful emotions. I feel like it's personal anyway.

    DutchAnonymous, if your friends talk about P "a lot" that honestly sounds a little bit weird to me, you know? How much is "a lot" anyway? If P or M comes up, what is the harm in mentioning your own stance on it? Possibly they would talk about it less when you're around if they knew, (which might be nice) maybe you would help to shift their views on it, maybe they're posturing for each other and some secretly feel the same way you do, and worst comes to worst you distance yourself from some friends whose habits don't mesh with your personal journey. What do you think?
     
  4. e5s

    e5s Fapstronaut

    325
    54
    28
    Aah! Why would you tell your parents? **runs away screaming**

    Seriously though, I'm as modern as they come, but just like nobody wants to think about their parents' sex life, nobody wants to think about their offspring's sex life, ever. It's a law of nature. I know some stuff HAS to be talked about for health reasons and other legit purposes, but don't take it personally if the 'rents squirm about it like grossed-out 7-year-olds.
     
  5. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,183
    1,753
    143
    I'm not sure I feel you. I don't have a sex life. And they occasionally bug me about why I haven't got a girlfriend yet. In some ways they ought to know what I've been doing behind their backs for the last 9 years. It's their money through data use that's paid for my porn use... :(
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  6. DutchAnonymous

    DutchAnonymous Fapstronaut

    28
    10
    3
    Same here in Holland :mad:

    Not friends, but more just people around me. Mostly classmates. "A lot" is subjective indeed. And I think that the people talking about P don't think it's a lot, but for me as a fapstronaut it feels like a lot. About 2-3 times a day when I'm on school.
    When brainstorming about ideas, P is always mentioned by some classmates. When just having a break, subject of talking that mostly comes through is P and when lessons begin and the teacher is a female... Even classmates have P images as their browser theme or just desktop image.:(

    This is something I'm going to try when it happens again. But before trying I wanted to ask you guys :)

    Do not make your problem bigger by making these statements ;)
     
  7. e5s

    e5s Fapstronaut

    325
    54
    28
    1. Solo sex is sex. In general, sex is the business of the people involved in it and, if applicable, anybody involved with them. As a rule of thumb, nobody else needs to know. Not because it's secret, but because it's private. Solo sex is sex.
    2. There's a big difference between "Are you seeing someone?" and "How often do you jerk off? Give us details!" Big difference. I don't know your parents, or their attitudes, or whether they'd be totally cool and good people to confide in, I just know, as a parent, that if they're NOT cool, and they end up saying hurtful things, give them the benefit of the doubt that they might be emotionally ill-prepared to handle inter-generational sex talk.
    3. Yeah, it's their data plan, but your body is your own. I guess it makes sense to disclose a porn problem if you really believe that it will do more good than harm to you and your relationship with your parents, but I'm assuming you have the data plan for other purposes too. You're not on their computer downloading viruses, or purloining expensive cosmetics for unspeakable purposes, (I hope) so in my opinion the betrayal of trust is pretty minor, maybe not even rising to the level of "behind their back" type expressions.
     
  8. Kristian

    Kristian Fapstronaut

    287
    315
    63
    I told about it to a (somewhat close) bud and he congratulated me for it. I never spoke with my family about this issue and I still joke around my other buds, that I wank it like a crazy monkey. I wish I was brave enough to admit that I chose and embraced this lifestyle, without feeling awkward or misplaced, but I guess that's how harsh our today's society is and that's why most of us are afraid of opening up.

    I'm pretty sure that if I'll tell my buds that I not masturbated for 3 months (when I'll reach my first 90 days), no one will believe me, but it satisfies me that I know and I'm actually doing this for myself.
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  9. Gilbert21

    Gilbert21 Guest

    I just told my mother last night, she just hugged me and told me that we are going to get over this, after she started asking me few questions like since when did I started and how comes she never found out. Since I only lived with my mom all my life I was used to talking with her about intimate stuff, I talked with her when I couldn't get erection with my gf and lots of other stuffs and she was always helpfull and she always told me that I can tell her anything when it comes to intimate stuffs but still it was so awkward when I had to explain her, really I couldn't look her in the eyes and I was blushing like hell, but it all went ok in the end, she knows now and she is supporting me, she is actually proud of me that I'm willing to fight it since she knows it's a heavy addiction, she told me she learned about it at college, she is a nurse. She is also young for a mother, in her early 40s, and pretty open minded so I knew I could tell her anytime, I was just afraid of the awkwardness. Anyhow I could never talk about this with someone else, my gf or my dad( they got divorced when I was a baby but I still talk with him from time to time).

    Anyway, this was a good thing for me, gaved me more confidence, and I'm feeling overall better, she might not feel that good knowing those things about me but well, can't be helped, at least she knows the truth. I think if you feel like they can understand you and support you, you should go ahead and tell them, it's a great amount of help and confidence knowing that someone close to you knows about what your going thro and is willing to support you in one way or another. But hey, that's just my opinion. :)
     
    Captain B likes this.
  10. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,183
    1,753
    143
    Like I said, I don't have a sex life. ;)
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  11. Nomorelosttime

    Nomorelosttime Fapstronaut

    198
    85
    28
    I think whether or not you tell another person is about how safe that relationship is to you. Just because someone is family or friend doesn't mean that they are safe enough to discuss this with them. If you don't believe that the person can support you and accept you even with the experiences you have had, then telling them about those experiences may not be a good idea. On the other hand, if you have used PMO as a way to soothe or numb your emotions, then your perception of who is safe and who is not may be faulty. It might be a good idea to find a person like a counselor, therapist, or non-judgmental religious leader to discuss this with so you can discover who is safe and who isn't.
     
  12. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    I am sure glad that @alexander put himself out there to create nofap. I couldn't see myself being that bold, even though it's clearly worthwhile and necessary. That had to take some seriously steel.. um, character traits. I don't think we have to preach religion all the time, but if we have a close friend talking about problems and suspect sex addiction, why not empathize and share a success story -- same as we would here or on /r/NoFap?

    People I know from Church I rarely mention it because I don't want to have it be a weight that triggers them into thinking "well, this is a common problem, so a little indulgence won't hurt." I frankly consider myself lucky to have escaped and I'm not sure how I've been fairly successful without crediting higher power. So, I don't think someone playing with it or excusing it is something to risk. But, someone that already may have an issue, they definitely need frank talk and heartfelt invitations to do better.
     
  13. NewPerson

    NewPerson Fapstronaut

    16
    0
    1
    No, I won't tell anyone. It's a personal matter.
     
  14. jazzphanatic

    jazzphanatic Fapstronaut

    126
    20
    18
    For me, telling someone about me being a Fapastronaut is rather comfortable. Now, I will get joked and teased about it, but in the end, no one makes me feel bad about it.
     
  15. Kiddy

    Kiddy Fapstronaut

    496
    244
    43
    I usually don't talk about this kind of stuff with people because it makes me feel too vulnerable. But I did share with my wife and brother-in-law. I did it to feel closer to them and to know that I am being genuine with people that I care about. Recently I read about codependency, and I realized that I tend to try to rescue people from their problems, but that ultimately this kind of behavior is destructive to myself. In my case, I don't want to dig into other people's problems because I tend to get obsessed with helping them and it would ultimately ruin the relationship. But at the same time, I wouldn't mind giving a testimony of my experiences if someone were asking for my advice. I think sharing one's PMO beliefs is neither good nor bad, but the result could be beneficial or harmful depending on one's motivation for sharing those beliefs. I am cautious about sharing my religious beliefs for the same reason.
     
  16. trickydicky

    trickydicky Fapstronaut

    46
    13
    8
    It's a personal thing for me at the moment, but I have one or two close friends I might tell in time...
     
  17. Zythum

    Zythum Fapstronaut

    12
    2
    3
    I haven't. I still feel a degree of shame for this addiction, and I'm afraid of their reactions. I think starting here is a good bay step towards working to that goal, because I isolated myself int he past and that just creates a vicious cycle.
     
  18. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

    966
    430
    63
    nope, just my therapist.
     

Share This Page