Do you think this girl likes me, and what should my next move be? Need help!!

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by superstorm250, Jul 12, 2017.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I've had people tell me that I messed this up so bad that it can't be salvaged now, so it probably is a better idea to just never text her again and just move on.
     
  2. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I've tried that, nothing really works. I think I'm always gonna be this way.
     
  3. The Peace Warrior

    The Peace Warrior Fapstronaut

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    You're gonna fail.
    You're gonna fail.
    You're gonna fail.
    You're gonna fail.
    & You'll succeed.

    If you give up then yes, you failed.
     
  4. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    I'm just saying be careful doing that stuff.
     
  5. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Women smell lack of confidence. It's very unattractive to them.
     
  6. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    I am allways amazed how woman can see if someone has confidence or not. they are actually pretty amazing creatures.
     
  7. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I'm always careful, and yes I know that as well. Part of me thinks that when she got that first text, she was happy and excited because she thought I was gonna ask her out, but then quickly lost interest and saw that I didn't have the confidence to ask her out after I started just babbling on about nonsense instead.
     
  8. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I fail all the time at everything, so I'm used to it.
     
  9. The Peace Warrior

    The Peace Warrior Fapstronaut

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    Mahn, seems like you're stuck in your belief.
    You need to get out of it otherwise you'll be the same persom like before.
    Nothing will change.
    I feel ya but no one in this world will be able to help you unless you do.
    If you don't change then after 5 years, you'll be the same.
    Trust the process & change yourself.
     
    pranav02 likes this.
  10. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    The theory of learned helplesness

    American psychologist Martin Seligman initiated research on learned helplessness in 1967 at the University of Pennsylvania as an extension of his interest in depression.[4][5] This research was later expanded through experiments by Seligman and others. One of the first was an experiment by Seligman & Maier: In Part 1 of this study, three groups of dogs were placed in harnesses. Group 1 dogs were simply put in a harnesses for a period of time and were later released. Groups 2 and 3 consisted of "yoked pairs". Dogs in Group 2 were given electric shocks at random times, which the dog could end by pressing a lever. Each dog in Group 3 was paired with a Group 2 dog; whenever a Group 2 dog got a shock, its paired dog in Group 3 got a shock of the same intensity and duration, but its lever did not stop the shock. To a dog in Group 3, it seemed that the shock ended at random, because it was his paired dog in Group 2 that was causing it to stop. Thus, for Group 3 dogs, the shock was "inescapable".

    In Part 2 of the experiment the same three groups of dogs were tested in a shuttle-box apparatus. All of the dogs could escape shocks on one side of the box by jumping over a low partition to the other side. The dogs in Groups 1 and 2 quickly learned this task and escaped the shock. Most of the Group 3 dogs – which had previously learned that nothing they did had any effect on shocks – simply lay down passively and whined when they were shocked.[4]

    In a second experiment later that year with new groups of dogs, Overmier and Seligman ruled out the possibility that, instead of learned helplessness, the Group 3 dogs failed to avert in the second part of the test because they had learned some behavior that interfered with "escape". To prevent such interfering behavior, Group 3 dogs were immobilized with a paralyzing drug (curare), and underwent a procedure similar to that in Part 1 of the Seligman and Maier experiment. When tested as before in Part 2, these Group 3 dogs exhibited helplessness as before. This result serves as an indicator for the ruling out of the interference hypothesis.


    sollution : the theory of attribution theory by heider
    How do we attach meaning to other's behavior, or our own? This is called attribution theory. For example, is someone angry because they are bad-tempered or because something bad happened?“Attribution theory deals with how the social perceiver uses information to arrive at causal explanations for events. It examines what information is gathered and how it is combined to form a causal judgment” (Fiske, & Taylor, 1991)

    Attribution theory is concerned with how and why ordinary people explain events as they do.Heider (1958) believed that people are naive psychologists trying to make sense of the social world. People tend to see cause and effect relationships, even where there is none!

    Heider didn’t so much develop a theory himself as emphasize certain themes that others took up. There were two main ideas that he put forward that became influential.


    • 1. Internal Attribution: The process of assigning the cause of behaviour to some internal characteristic, rather than to outside forces. When we explain the behavior of others we look for enduring internal attributions, such as personality traits. For example, we attribute the behavior of a person to their personality, motives or beliefs.

      2. External Attribution: The process of assigning the cause of behaviour to some situation or event outside a person's control rather than to some internal characteristic. When we try to explain our own behavior we tend to make external attributions, such as situational or environment features.
    The link with learned helplessness
    The concept of learned helplessness emerged from animal research in which psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven F. Maier discovered that dogs classically conditioned to an electrical shock which they could not escape, subsequently failed to attempt to escape an avoidable shock in a similar situation.[33] They argued that learned helplessness applied to human psychopathology. In particular, individuals who attribute negative outcomes to internal, stable and global factors reflect a view in which they have no control over their situation. It is suggested that this aspect of not attempting to better a situation exacerbates negative mood, and may lead to clinical depression and related mental illnesses.[34]

    example in this situation

    You failed with this girl because you waited to long for asking her out:

    internal attribution: I feel like most girls in my age group view it as a very unattractive quality in a guy, and also because it leads me to make stupid mistakes like this. Most guys my age would not have failed so badly over text and so early on like this with a girl, I bet you anything that I came off as an inexperienced guy to her because of how badly I messed up texting her. Its like I'm making mistakes that kids in middle school would make when they start dating for the first time, only its worse because I'm making them at 24.. I think I'm always gonna be this way.

    external attribution: Ok i've made some mistakes wich resulted in her rejecting me i 've should have asked her out a long time ago. But maybe she wasn't the right person for me anyways because she rejected me and didn't respond to my texts. There will be other girls and changes i am hopefull that i will find someone if i keep trying.
    It was just my inexperience in this situation and the girl who isn't really in to me wich is the cause of this situation. This girl is not the one..

    Hopes this helps.. Accept you're errors and do it better the next time.

    When i get rejected by a girl i usally thinx she is a lesbian ;).
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  11. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I read some of it and I'll have to finish the rest later, its late and I'm pretty tired. Still just doesn't feel too good knowing that I ruined everything in one fell swoop. I'm obviously not going to pursue this girl anymore, but I just wish I could know if she was interested in me or not before I messed everything up. You might have a different opinion, but like I said in an earlier reply, I think she probably was interested up until the very beginning of our conversation over text. But once I started babbling on about nonsense instead of making a move, she saw that I didn't have the confidence to make a move and lost interest pretty fast.
     
  12. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    You don't know that i would still ask her out..

    At my first date with my first girfriend i talked about really wierd stuff like age of empires and other games but she still kissed me
     
  13. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Let it go and stop obessing over her.
     
  14. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    I agree but he should still ask her out
     
  15. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    How am I obsessing over her if I already said that I'm never going to contact her again? A guy who's truly obsessing over a girl keeps texting her even though her interest is gone, and also never shuts up about her to anyone. I haven't talked about this to anyone since it happened, I'm just mad at myself and feel like an idiot for making such a stupid mistake so early on.
     
  16. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I just feel like she's done with me, she did avoid responding to me after all and started distancing herself from the conversation.
     
  17. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    Your loss man. If she's gone she's gone. There are plenty other fish out there in the sea (yes it's cliché I know).
     
  18. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I know, but this month and a half job is the only time that I'm ever around girls in my age group on a regular basis and had the opportunity to build connections. Other than that, I'm never around girls my age for the whole rest of the year, and its been that way since I graduated high school 5 years ago. Now my only options are dating sites/apps, which I have still never tried.
     
  19. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    Are you no longer around these girls?
     
  20. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    No I'm not, our last day of work for this season was 2 weeks ago and I'm not around them at all anymore.
     

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