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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by superstorm250, Jul 12, 2017.
Yeah xD Learned my lesson on that haha.
Don't beat yourself up i made the same mistake i did ask her out and she said yes but i kissed her which caused her to put a BIG WALL around her and ignore me.
She actually said it was to soon..
Best way to avoid this in the future is to actualy talk about past relationships at a date
Just drop it bro its not like she is the last girl in the planet
I can't blame you for fearing being rejected. At first it seemed like she was really into you and talking to you then she seemed to lose interest and stop talking to you. I can't blame you for feeling like she's already rejected you even though she hasn't. I've done this too. I mean you and I both like to think we have a pretty good feel for when a girl likes us right? And the way she's texting doesn't seem like she likes you (anymore) in your opinion and I can't blame you.
I think you guys are being unfair in busting his balls and pressuring him to ask her out. Judging by her texts, she's not very interested, or she's playing games, or she's not a very nice person. In any case, why should he pursue her? There's plenty of women out there.
One of the problems I see here, @superstorm250 is that you've placed all your eggs in one basket. You know you wont see anymore ladies your age for a while so you're really counting on this one working out. There are plenty of ways to meet women other than online dating. You can goto bars, you can meet them at school, you can meet them at concerts, all kinds of ways. So, I hope that once you see that this girl is not the be-all-and-and-all to your love life, you will see that you CAN ask her out. You've got nothing to lose. I mean, c'mon, how long have you known this girl? On the other hand, you could not ask her out and you may feel like you've walked away with your ego intact.
I guess, in the end, since you already feel rejected, it couldn't hurt to text her and say "hey u wanna grab some coffee?" You already feel rejected, so what could it hurt?
I totally agree. Putting yourself out there can result in positive things happening. It's the fact that if you are willing to take the initiative or not.
And I agree with you on that too. @superstorm250 it wouldn't hurt to do this. You can at least keep a friendship going and fun interactions and build that instead of pushing for a relationship to happen. I feel it could work better in the long run.
Yeah that's exactly what I think when looking back on our text conversation, part of me thinks that she was happy and excited to hear from me because she thought I was going to ask her out, but then lost interest when I just started rambling instead. The reason why I went on and on like that instead of getting to the point is because of the situation with her niece that I explained in my first post. I felt like if I got right to the point and asked as soon as I started texting her, she would bring her niece too and then I would've been cemented into the friendzone because clearly that isn't anything but a friends-only hang out. There's just no easy way to get her by herself, her niece got pretty mad when the two of us were just working together on our last day. She's really close with her niece and they do everything together, she even saved her from a suicide attempt after she found her unconscious. So even if I did get to go out with just her, it makes me wonder if her relationship with her niece will suffer as a result. I've also seen her like posts from a page on Facebook called "I miss him" and these posts said things like "Do you still think about him? Everyday." and "I just cried my eyes out because of you, but I still want to be with you." So that makes me think that she could still have feelings for an ex boyfriend, which wouldn't be good because that means she might not be completely emotionally invested in a new partner and could drop everything to get back with her ex if he wanted to get back together.
And I think those suggestions of other places to meet girls besides dating apps are just shots in the dark, I go to bars all the time and have been for the past few years and haven't met any girls at a bar. The same goes for concerts, I've been to a lot of them and haven't met anyone there either. And school for me is either online classes or classes full of just other guys, so that's not an option either. I feel like everyone always suggests places like those when they're trying to think of places to meet someone and those places are the first things that come to mind, even though the chances of meeting someone to start dating at any of them is pretty low. And she also doesn't drink coffee, she told me that one day when she was really tired at work.
Oh lord not again.
Yeah it actually could, the situation with her niece just makes aiming for a relationship so much harder. And now I also wonder if she's not completely over an ex boyfriend of hers due to the Facebook posts that I see her like from a page called "I miss him" which shows up on my news feed, that's a red flag for a relationship if she still has feelings for an ex.
You didn't have to come to this thread, you chose to come back.
Dude ask the girl out. I'm not trying to be mean but just act. You are overthinking everything. Real life experiences and scenarios in your head are not the same thing. Rejection happens. It's sucks. There is no perfect time or situation. Game prep is not the same as playing in the game. I was and still am an over thinker to a point but I've learned sometimes you just have to take a chance. Don't analyze anymore act! Sometimes we need a little hard truth.
I wanted to comment on this specifically because it stood out to me. I think that's only a good idea if you have relationship experience, you should try to not talk about that for awhile if you have no relationship experience. Having no relationship experience at a later age is seen as an unattractive quality by a lot of girls, it shouldn't be an issue if you're younger though. I'm almost 24 and never been in a relationship, and I dread having the past relationships conversation with a girl because there's a decent chance that she'll lose interest if she finds out that I've never had a girlfriend. I think the best way to avoid that from killing a girl's interest is to go on some dates and build a strong rapport with her first, that way she's more likely to look past it when you eventually do have to reveal that.
I already would've done it the first time but the issue with her niece makes that a lot harder, that's why I messed up when I texted her instead of just getting right to the point and asking her out instead. Also read my previous replies, I kind of think she might still have feelings for an ex, which is definitely a red flag.
I agree however. it all depends on how you say it. If you say it in a needy way like "I’ve never been in a relationship i didn't found the right one". or say something else that comes over like do you mind? or do you think this is bad?
If you are saying it by making a joke about it. or making fun of yourself that shows the woman that you have a lot of confidence and don't care that you are single and don't need a woman or relationship. for example:
no i only have sex if I am married so you have to put a ring on it if you want to hit this
Or say yes i am a virgin because i have a tiny penis
If you are hiding something from a woman it shows you are insecure about it wich results her in you not liking you because you didn’t had the balls to say it you found her opinion more important then your own…
I lost my virginity at the age of 20 my girlfriend was 24 years old and had lots of boyfriends before.. So when she asked me if I had experienced I said No so show me what you got. You have to teach me. She laughed and we hooked up. I said it in a charismatic way I said it with a smile on my face like it wasn’t a big deal…
It all depends on you’re expression ,charisma body language and the sound of you’re voice when you say it. If it sounds needy because you are insecure about it and you hope she wouldn’t mind you’re shortcoming then she will.. But if you think it isn’t a big deal and you say it in a charismatic way then she will like it.
You can tell on someone body language if they are insecure about something woman can see that shit. So if you thinx it isn't a big deal it isn't .
However i do agree some girls will freak out if you say it on the first conversation. So i would probably say it at the end of the first date when she allready has a good feeling about you. or on the second date.
Yeah I agree that a lot of it has to do with the attitude that you have about it and how you convey it to other people, and you definitely shouldn't share that information about yourself on a first date. I think that it can get harder as you get older though, if you're in your late 20's or in your 30's and have never been in a relationship, a number of girls might still really wonder why it hasn't happened for you yet even though you have a more charismatic attitude towards it. There's a lot of guys out there in this situation who won't even try to date because they're so self conscious about their inexperience and they think that no girls will want them because of how inexperienced they are for their age, its actually a pretty common concern among guys in this situation. I don't completely fit into that description though because I'm not a virgin, I've just never had a girlfriend and don't want any girls to look down on me or take pity on me because of that.
Just wanted to update this, the bad texting conversation with that girl ended 11 days ago with her being the last one to reply with "oh okay then lol" and we haven't talked to each other since then. I also unfortunately had a PMO relapse because I was upset about messing things up with her, I'm trying to get back on track though because I had over a month clean before that. I also didn't say this before, but I have porn-induced ED so I'm worried that if I did end up fixing things with this girl, I'll just ruin things in an even worse way when we take things to the bedroom and I can't perform. Obviously I need to stay away from PMO for a number of months for the porn-induced ED to stop and I plan on getting back on track, but what should I do about this girl if something like that is a concern? Should I let it go to avoid performance problems if I do end up fixing things with her, or should I just go for it? Part of me wonders if that opportunity is now completely gone since we haven't talked at all in a week and a half since that bad texting conversation ended.
JUST DO IT! "Hey (girl's name), I was wondering if you wanted to meet up on Saturday (for example) for lunch". I'd choose rejection over regret ANY day of the week. If she says no, you're no worse off than you were before.
About the ED: if you do go out with this girl, just say you're not ready for sex (if she asks) yet and would prefer to get to know her better. She'd appreciate the fact you want more of an emotional relationship at first rather than a physical one.
If you have the slightest bit of interest in still asking her... ask her. Rejection is better than not taking action. Believe me. It's best to make up your mind instead of continuing to dwell on it. She's in your mind and you still haven't made a move?
Update: still struggling to get back on a clean streak from PMO, and its now been 2 weeks since that text conversation with the girl that I created this thread about and I haven't talked to her at all since then. I don't know if I should try something else or give up on things with her at this point, 2 weeks is a long time to wait.
The situation with her niece just makes it more difficult to get to the point and ask, there's not really any way to say that I want it to just be you and me, so don't bring her. And as for the ED, that makes things a lot more difficult too because I did some research and it says that it'll probably take about 3 months to fully recover, and I'm pretty sure that's longer than she's willing to wait to get physical, I don't even want to wait that long if we started seeing each other.