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Do you want to get married and have children? Why, why not?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by raspberry, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. Saserman

    Saserman Fapstronaut

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    Dunno about others, but for me, not having sex outside marriage is for religious reasons. My country's culture discourages sex outside marriage, and I personally think it's a wrong thing to do, despite my religious beliefs, because of the good chance of getting unwanted children (I hear a lot of horror stories about this happening to unmarried couples), which requires commitment and not being married generally means you're not committed.

    I'm sure many of you might disagree with me on this, and that's ok. Everyone has their own opinion on these topics, and keep in mind I come from a different culture. I do not want to start a debate in this thread.

    I would imagine those in this forum holding off sex until marriage are also mostly doing it for religious reasons, but I wouldn't know.

    Avoiding fapping is much more difficult than avoiding sex outside marriage, beacuse fapping requires much less effort and there are none of the "risks" and "consequences" that sex outside marriage has, if that makes sense lol.
     
  2. RiseAgainst30

    RiseAgainst30 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I am new here and I would love to get marry and have childrens. I am just not a type of man who like to sleep with a lot of girls.
     
  3. Rafa

    Rafa Fapstronaut

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    I wanna wait until marriage to have sex too, manly for religious purposes and after reading a lot of posts about this i see how harmful it can be to both sides if things don't go as intended. I believe sex is a lot more than a simple fluids exchange, sadly in the world we live in things are very twisted.
     
  4. shark

    shark Fapstronaut

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    very interesting question. I have been thinking about this actually myself the last couple of months.

    I was raised in a perfectly normal and healthy family. So I also always assumed that I will have children one day. I never really realized, that you actually do have a choice. I was so sure that children and marriage is the way to go.

    However I realized that every time I imagine myself having a child that I have illusions about it. In my dream my child is very similar to me. However there is no guarantee at all for how your child will turn out to be. For example I have a very different personality than my dad. What if my child is also so different? I would not want that so much.

    Second, I would love my child more than anything. I would hate myself everytime it would see it suffer. We all know that life is tough. I would not want that for my child. Because I love my child so much, I dont have it in the first place.

    And third, the genes. I have bad eyes, allergies, weird teeth, increased risk for skin cancer.
    I would just hate too see that my child all gets the same shit as I have. I would have to go to the doctor to treat allergies, fix the teeth, check skin regularly. All the stuff I had to do all the time. I do not want that this keeps repeating over and over again.

    I am still a fence sitter though. Luckily I still have some time to think about it (I am male and 24 years).

    If that makes sense, I really believe those days that I will not have children because I love them that much that I will not put them into this world.

    Life is 80 % or more work and 20% fun maybe. That is not good enough for my child.

    what do you think?
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2014
  5. -Eaten-

    -Eaten- Fapstronaut

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    I'm not opposed to it, but at this point in my life now i'll say no.
     
  6. digiter

    digiter Fapstronaut

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    There are a few traits of my character that disqualify me as a father:
    - egoism
    - lack of empathy
    - lots of interests and hobbys that take most of my free time
    - I do not like spending time with children (at least small ones)

    The first two are definite defects, so I may (and should) work to get rid of them (but that's a lot of work). The other two won't change.

    Apart from that, I do not feel the urge (at all) to have children so such decision would be against my free will.

    As for the marriage - it would be acceptable, but for the true love it won't be necessary.
    Anyway, for the time being I'm practicing brahmacarya (celibacy) and semen retention so the topic is only hypothetical for me now.
     
  7. raspberry

    raspberry Fapstronaut

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    Hey Anon Hymous,

    I can relate to what shark said in terms of genes and how he perceives that life is 80% work.

    But I also see that you believe some of the reasons mentioned are excuses. I have bad genes too but if that was a problem I could also adopt a child. So maybe there is more to it.

    So sometimes I ask myself ‘Do I enjoy my life?’ and the answer is more often than not ‘No, I don’t.’ I do enjoy life more though than I did for instance 10 years ago so certainly that may all change and life will be a lot more awesome at some point.

    Until then I can also ask myself if I want to have a child so that my child also does not enjoy life? Probably not. Why I do not enjoy my life would be a great question to ask. I do not know the answer. I guess there is not a switch to turn around and change that.

    Does that make sense to you?

    But I changed my opinion on many topics. One of it was porn. So maybe I will change my opinion about having kids too at some point.
     
  8. sertobe

    sertobe Fapstronaut

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    Well said Anon. People live thier lives controlled by fear these days. At the end of the day the worst that can happen to you in this life is death. If you don't fear death,then you will be a very happy man!
     
  9. nopenofap

    nopenofap Fapstronaut

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    Interesting question, actually.

    I can't really say if I want to get married. On The one side, I get tax andvantages and other benefits, but on The other side I am not sure if I want to commit myself to a Person for a Life maybe...

    At the moment, I definitely don't want to have children. I can't handle with people I cannot talk to on my "own intellectual level". Same goes for mentally disabeled people. It's not because I Don't respect them, it's because I can't handle with them.
    But who can be sure What will be in ten or twenty years...
     
  10. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    I definitely want to get married. I believe in keeping chastity (sexual abstinence) before marriage. I would consider myself a pretty traditional Catholic, so I believe my intercourse would always be without any form of contraception.

    I want to be married because I think both parent involvement has a greater positive impact on children. Children who have fathers are less likely to get into any sort of trouble and are more assertive and confident. Here is something from the Department of Health and Human Services to prove it:

    "One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior. This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem. In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically, and to avoid drugs, violence, and delinquent behavior.

    In short, fathers have a powerful and positive impact upon the development and health of children. A caseworker who understands the important contributions fathers make to their children's development and how to effectively involve fathers in the case planning process will find additional and valuable allies in the mission to create a permanent and safe environment for children."

    I am the living proof of that. My mother and father are married, but my father through out my entire childhood was always reading, watching TV, or listening to music off by himself. During that time my mother might have well have been a single mother! My father is the reason why I have to work very hard to be social and other things. I am glad that abstaining has actually taught me to be better in all the things that I struggled with because of my dad's negative affect on me and my brother. Not blaming my dad in all of this, but maybe his lack of presence in my early childhood contributed to my PMO addiction. Again, I am not blaming him because I was responsible for my own actions.

    A mother also has an affect on her child. Nurturing from he mother helps the child develop better. I read somewhere that a toddlers brain will develop more when he receives love from his or her mother. This results in a academically smarter person.

    A mother and a father should both be present. I child needs both of his or her parents for maximum development.

    I hope my post has maybe changed anyone's mind about being married and/or having children. I just wanted to clear that up. This is my opinion, but I don't think I would be ready to raise children if I wasn't ready to be married.

    Good luck on your personal journey in PMO abstinence,

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  11. Mariposa

    Mariposa Fapstronaut

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    Do I want to get married? YES! And less than a year ago, I DID marry my best friend! :)

    Do I want children? Oh yes baby! I can hardly wait, but I know that God is in control of that and will give us babies in His perfect timing.

    Also, there's been a lot of discussion about waiting for marriage to have sex. My husband and I both gave our lives to Jesus Christ and trust that God's way of doing life is the very best.
    By God's grace, we were both virgins on our wedding day and even (crazily!) decided to wait until the altar even to kiss. It was the sweetest thing ever. Definitely not saying everyone should do this but it was our own convictions because we both know our own bodies and limits and wanted to stay as far from crossing the line as possible. side note: IT IS SOOOOO AMAZING, I can't even describe how wonderful it was!!

    Waiting for marriage is nothing short of AMAZING! In so many ways absolutely surreal. Mind blowing. I believe that our innate fascination with fairy tales comes from our soul's deep desire that God created to know something better than this life is offering. That is to know the Creator Himself, the very Creator of sex and do life His way and seriously....HE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!! He knows how life is supposed to work.

    Yes, it is completely contrary to how the world does it, but as cliche as it sounds, it is TRUE LOVE (the GIVING of self rather than SELF GRATIFICATION). Your man is showing you with super powerful actions that he values you SO much he won't even touch you until you fully give yourself to him permanently before God and witnesses (wedding). He is saying he's super serious about you, and about sex and that you're worth committing to, you're worth waiting for, you're worth sticking to for life and he won't mess anything up by unwrapping this precious gift before it is given to him. How can this not melt any girl's heart? How can this not also pave the way for the very best of the best, the sweetest sex the world could ever know? I just want you girls who are dreaming and hoping to wait for marriage to have sex that IT IS POSSIBLE and THERE ARE THOSE MEN OUT THERE who love Jesus so deeply that he cannot but treat you with the highest respect and honour. I know because my father is one of those men and I was blessed enough to marry one too.

    There are tons of other reasons and benefits of waiting but this is the main one and the others come as sweet by products...(better communication developed prior to marriage, deeper trust built in relationship, no pressure on sexual performance since you know your love is deeper than that (which in turn makes for BETTER sex, pressure kills pleasure), no STDs, providing loving family for children, etc, etc, etc....)

    Don't give up hope those of you who are praying for this! There is a much better way.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2014
  12. stygian

    stygian Fapstronaut

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    Great post Mariposa, thanks.

    For me, the answer is yes and yes. I don't believe, as some have mentioned here, that there is anyone who is "not good at dealing with children." It is a skill and not an innate instinct, it is going to be hard work and there is a lot for everyone to learn. I remember a woman talking about having a baby and said that when the baby was given to her and she could leave the hospital, it was crazy that she could just leave with the baby and there was no instruction manual! And she had to learn everything.

    While things may look bleak today (and are, in many ways), there is less violent crime worldwide then there has ever been. At the same time, the world is more economically prosperous (again there are problems with wealth inequality). So I think it is a great time to have children, and well-raised children are going to be able to help to solve the world's problems and so be more of a benefit than a burden. My belief is that it is important to be married and to have a stable environment to raise children. I can look at friends and see that the ones who were raised by unmarried parents, or in unstable situations, tend to have problems with their own relationships.

    I also believe in waiting until marriage. Having intercourse before marriage is a great way to acquire and spread STDs, which would not be extant if all relationships were sexually monogamous. There are no other methods that are 100% and imagine a world without HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, human papillomavirus, and so on. Many of these are incurable. And ample research has shown that when couples were both virgins at marriage, there is a lower rate of divorce compared to couples in which either one was not a virgin before marriage.
     
  13. I would like to someday meet the right girl and have kids with her
    However, I am somewhat against the traditional marriage. It's expensive to get married,it just does't appeal to me. I don't need a legal bonding contract between me and my partner. Divorce's are ugly and ruin lives. I'm not religious at all so it seems somewhat pointless. But who knows, maybe Ill change my mind once I meet the right girl
     
  14. fapcultative

    fapcultative Fapstronaut

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    that's an interesting topic :)
    you are right, the world population is declining, and I think but that are very positive news. why?

    I live in Spain, and if a lot of people is deciding to not have children or waiting "better times", is because economically they can't provide a reasonable good life to their children.
    So luckly we (the normal people) still have a strong "weapon" to fight against the political corruption and the constant lowering of the purchasing power. So if once there is enough labour shortage arround the world, I assure you the things will change. (less hand labour offer- higher wagages and facilities for children caring)

    And the serious lowering of the purchasing power is not just a question of certain countries; Eg. in Canada the wagages are very high, but the goods and services are proportionally expensive, In Russia the wagages are far lower so the prices of everything are proportionally cheaper.

    So speaking in general, a mid class worker in a big city (any one in the world) will have nearly the same life-style, with differences in public safety, culture and so on.
    So why the people is not satisfied with this "advanced" and "modern" city life? (see 50% of irony)


    In my case I am nearly 29 and as many other of my age I simply can not consider the possibility of having children.
     

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