Does being a virgin make you a loser?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Namekian23, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    808
    562
    93
    Sometimes I get mixed feelings about this. But what about your thoughts? I believe some guys tend to put themselves down just because they haven't got "laid" or haven't "got some" and other related stuff. It is hard not to think like that especially when we live in a society where sex is so common. But would you consider yourself as a winner if you did have sex? I admit it, I'm 26 and I'm a virgin, but I would totally considered myself a complete loser 10 years. I was a dropout, lived with my parents, pmo'd like everyday, and had no fucking life. It took me years to gain confidence in myself and make my life better.

    However, when we talk about confidence in this situation, just one thing like losing your virginity, would make a difference in you or some sort. I hope some of you virgins out there aren't putting yourselves down like I used to and to those of you who are no longer virgins, give some ideas and new hopes. Ever since I've been on Nofap, I've felt like a winner!! :D I gained so much experience, knowledge, and good feedback from lots of people. Some are critical, but shit happens. I'm even proud of myself for taking pictures with girls such as group selfies, giving a girl my number for the first time, and being more confident around girls in general. And there's more to come.

    Although I need to get my pmo crap under control, Nofap has done a lot for me. Even though I'm still a virgin, I try not to put myself down like I used to. Nofap has taught me more important things to worry about than getting laid such as finishing college (which I'm doing) or something of equal importance. The more you focus on things like that the better. So if there's any virgins/non-virgins out there please share your thoughts.
     
  2. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Community Manager
    Staff Member

    2,197
    6,492
    143
    Sex is overrated and our society puts too much meaning on it. It's ridiculous to think that someone is somehow less a man because he has never had sex. Was Gandhi less a man? How about Jesus Christ? Or Gautama Siddhartha? These men were much more manly than most of those guys you probably know running after skirts and racking up points for every girl they laid.
     
  3. Progressive Death Mettle

    Progressive Death Mettle Fapstronaut

    451
    220
    43
    I'm 24 and a virgin. Does that make ME a loser? Who knows! Better yet, who cares? There's more important things in life. Focus on the "other" stuff and sex will come naturally.
     
  4. PeetaMellark

    PeetaMellark Fapstronaut

    81
    39
    18
    No is the answer.

    Absolutely, categorically, emphatically NO!

    Not a virgin, but I was, as is everyone at some point in their lives.

    You're amazing for being able to admit it, and talk about it.

    Find your inner light and shine it out, and say to yourself, 'I'm a man, I'm good, I'm Successful'.

    You will find your way.

    Stay strong!
     
    ShowY, iDontPanic, Namekian23 and 2 others like this.
  5. Progressive Death Mettle

    Progressive Death Mettle Fapstronaut

    451
    220
    43
  6. When I was about from the ages of 18 to 21,I thought the only thing that I needed to do was lose my virginity and I was not "a real man"if I didnt lose it.
    I thought sex was this big magical thing that I needed to obtain.Eventually,I lost it at 21 ,to my now ex gf.I have come to know now that sex isnt all that great.
    Once you get pass the physical,you focus on other things.What I am looking for in a woman right now is a real connection something more than the physical.Yes sex is important in a healthy relationship but sex isnt everything.Hold on to your virginity sooner or later you will find the right woman for you.
     
  7. CountryDude

    CountryDude Fapstronaut

    306
    193
    43
  8. Alloallo

    Alloallo Fapstronaut

    23
    14
    3
    I had sex for the first time last month at age 24. I can't believe how overhyped it was. Just isn't the life altering thing the world taught me it was.

    I feel your pain, I tried to shy away from the topic, but in reality "virgin" should be a title that demands respect.
     
    iDontPanic and NoMo_Po like this.
  9. JensDK42

    JensDK42 Guest

    Being a loser is a mentality. Not a checklist of things.
     
  10. NoMo_Po

    NoMo_Po Fapstronaut

    112
    41
    28
    I don't know if it's good or not but I am at the point of my life where I have to stop and remember how old I am.. I am 23, and a virgin as well.

    I like your post, you can be a man who has only a few accolades being that he banged these many girls and whatnot. Or, you can be successful, have a good life, and a loving wife/family. Actually something worth a damn.

    It honestly comes to what you value. If I could have it my way I'd be with a girl who saved herself for me. But I understand that might not happen, as long as she hasn't fooled around with lots of guys I'd be ok.

    All the best to you!
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  11. Jirka

    Jirka Fapstronaut

    188
    137
    43
    I'm 33 years now. Still a virgin technically. I've been in your situation. Then about one year ago, I met a woman and at one moment I thought I was really in love with her. We talked about sex a lot, and I was honest with her and told her that I never had sex before. At first she was surprised, but she appreciated that I had been honest with her. She told me that she watched a lot of porn herself, and so I shared with her that I also liked watching porn. Then one day she came to my place, told me to have a shower, and lay in my bed and let me touch her. I think we would have had sex, if it were not for my porn addiction. Maybe it was because I was nervous, maybe it was because I couldn't get erection due to the porn watching. She was not upset, in fact she was totally relaxed, and sat on top of me and we embraced.
    Later, things started becoming gloomy. We continued dating, but she kept asking me for more and more money. And sometimes she would suddenly get very angry at me when I didn't have the money. That lasted for few months until I couldn't stand her any more and broke up with her and moved to another country. She was very sad about it. But looking back I'm glad I broke up and didn't (technically) have sex with her. I was unprotected at that time, and who knows what would have happened if I made her pregnant. It would have been close to impossible to break up. Now I'm doing the NoFap challenge. And if I ever find a woman that I want to share my life with, I will be so much more ready.

    Whether you are virgin or not, that's nobody else's business. And it's nobody's right to call you loser. If a woman really loves you, then she will accept you as the unique human being who you are. If she thinks that you're a loser just because you haven't had sex, then that's her problem and not your problem. That's my point of view right now.
     
  12. M L

    M L Guest

    Different angle for you - but male virginity is hot (from my point of view anyway). If a man is a virgin it shows he puts a high price on sex - and that speaks to good character. Don't be in a hurry just to tick the box. Sex makes us vulnerable, choose someone you trust and preferably love and are committed to. Then you can learn about doing sex in an emotionally safe context.

    Loser is a mean word. Everything is relative. Be happy in yourself and don't fixate.
     
  13. FutureGuitarGod

    FutureGuitarGod Banned by User Request

    195
    13
    18
    Being a virgin does not make you a loser. Aside from asexuality and willfully refraining from sex for moral/religious reasons, being a virgin is not a "bad" thing at all. The way I see it, you are not a loser unless you actually think that being a virgin makes you a loser.

    I lost my virginity a few weeks before turning 24. Once I lost my virginity, I came to the realization that it didn't change anything about me one way or the other. Sure, it was awesome, but it wasn't like I had this realization that I had come of age or whatever.

    Most people have had sex in their teens. That's a given, but it's a silly rite of passage, a symbol. People attach a deeper meaning behind the experience of losing one's virginity. That, and being taught that we should hold off on sexual activity until marriage as teens makes it more appealing.

    In the end, you should trust your own judgement. Do you think you are a loser? If so, why? If it is because of the preconceived societal notion that it somehow makes you "cool", then it's for the wrong reasons. If you think you are a loser for being a virgin, and you use masturbation and pornography as the sole outlet for expressing your sexuality, then it's because you feel guilty.
     
    Born_For_War likes this.
  14. The gardener

    The gardener Fapstronaut

    150
    92
    28
  15. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

    446
    133
    43
    It is a good indication that you might be one. After all if you want sex and still don't make it happen for years, what is the issue?
    Yes, it may not be what it's hyped up to be, but don't be sedated by the feel good ideas. Check yourself.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2015
  16. nobingeing

    nobingeing Fapstronaut

    141
    10
    18
    22 year old virgin here.

    Im still fighting that same cognitive dissonance battle that you just mentioned. For me, the benefits of losing it to your special someone whom you'll keep forever outweighs the costs of losing it to the first girl you see and think you like but youre not sure if she's the one and then you might lose her. Sex when viewed causally, even though it feels good and all, just loses its meaning. But this is my opinion of course, and we can agree to disagree, BUT i do admit fantasizing about losing it myself, its fair to say, this battle in our heads is pretty strong.

    The decision is yours mate. Just make sure you know how to deal with the consequences of your actions if you decide to lose it sooner than later.

    For now just to share, my action plan will be to keep all that f*cking semen inside of me and strive for self improvement. I wish you well.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  17. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    The assumption that it makes you a loser stems from the association of virgins with socially inept guys with a lack of confidence/anxiety suffering etc. Many guys aren't "holding out for the right girl" and are simply virgins because they can't attract girls. My answer is both yes and no; it's a matter of circumstance.
     
    NoBrainer, JensDK42 and Limeaid like this.
  18. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    I don't consider people who watch lots of porn virgins. I used to have a friend who thought he was a virgin even though he did everything but PIV with his gf. Ummmm nope you are not a virgin. Or someone who is saving himself for marriage, refuses to have sex with his fiancé but is fapping every day while watching porn. Not a virgin. A virgin to me is someone who is sexually chaste in every sense of that word. An innocent in the ways of sex. Real virgins don't really exist anymore I don't think.
     
  19. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Community Manager
    Staff Member

    2,197
    6,492
    143
    Interesting perspective. At least real male virgins don't exist.

    Of course this all hinges on how exactly we define virginity. Is it penetrative? Is it merely your first orgasm? Is it your first time doing anything sexual with someone else?

    IMO virginity really isn't a helpful concept at all. Who cares if you have done the dirty or not? It doesn't make one difference to who you are if you have had sex or if you haven't.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2015
    Limeaid likes this.
  20. Kurapika

    Kurapika Guest

    Sir Isaac Newton was a virgin all his life.
    That's enough said.
    :)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page