Does binging stop all progress that's been made? Or even worse set you back even further?

I think you are onto something there ... I have a feeling you're probably right.

My feeling is that with binging, there's a lot of self-hate and shame that kicks in (and BTW, if you haven't seen the film "Shame", directed by Steve McQueen and starring Fassbender, you should - it's amazing and on-topic).

My experience tells me that porn addiction and sex addiction probably come from a deep sense of loneliness and longing. And that when I binged, it was really about collapsing into a profound pessimism around my own ability to connect. And in my hurt, I objectified the porn actors more and more, becoming increasingly immune to kinkier and kinkier things, distancing everything more and more, as I approached peak nihilism. It was a sense of "nothing matters", and unfortunately that sentiment started to spill over into my normal day-to-day life, not just around sex and the objectification of women, but as a general outlook on this increasingly mad world.

At least a relapse might be little more than succumbing to a basic human urge - the sex drive. Perhaps not involving that brutal excoriation that seems to be a core part of the binging mindset.

Some very good advice given to me recently was, if I felt I really needed to masturbate, then when I do, to try to connect my urge to deeper emotions in my heart - to my longing for connection. If I can do that, then I can be linking my sexual urges with my deeper, truer desire and longing; and in this way I might even be reorienting, realigning things in a real and human way. I must say, this seems to be working. Masturbation isn't feeling intrinsically unhealthy.

FYI, I am not giving up on masturbation, just porn. So far so good - in fact it's been much easier than I'd anticipated (though I'm sure it would be been immeasurably more difficult had I been doing this 20 or 30 years ago ). It does mean that I'm masturbating much less - and when I do, it's more vanilla - and I'm also experiencing the more general benefits around confidence and groundedness referred to on this site.

For me, giving up porn is more than just about sex and the ability to build strong and fulfilling relationships with women. It's also about being a person who engages the world in the right way: with sensitivity, kindness and care ... not with some BS, write-off attitude that "nothing matters", but rather with the belief that *everything matters*: as above, so below; as within, so without. Peace.

 

It really is playing with fire. Alcohol addicted rats in withdrawal have had seizures in lab tests following relapses. A worsening of withdrawal symptoms due to increased nervous sensitivity is called kindling. In other words each time you relapse you are sensitizing your nervous system, therefore addiction can get worse; even after occasional relapses that follow longer streaks.

 

@Skayerrdrew - so how long for you before the withdrawal symptoms started to fade?

 

Binging is worse than flat out relapsing. It's more negative and detrimental in my opinion.

 

I used to do the binging like you described. I would go a few weeks without porn and then watch really gross stuff like 5 times in three days, then go another few weeks without it. This might not be the best way to do it, but I can say I made progress through this time. I don't think the binging eliminated the progress. It was a step in the right direction. Over time I started doing it less and less and the binges became less severe and now I feel ready to take on a full 90 days or maybe even never do it again.