Does Culture Play a Role in Virginity Shaming?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by RiBo, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    All over the internet, most forums are dominated by Europeans and Americans. I've noticed that people from USA especially have a mindset that they need to lose their virginity by the time they finish high school. Similar trends could be seen for some European cultures. [Google/Search for average age of virginity loss worldwide]
    Back here in Asia, countries like the Arab and Gulf countries, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka hold virginity as highly significant, a measure of their morality.
    By virginity I don't mean the western/Christian definition of people participating in penetration sex, I mean all sexual activity that can be done by two or more people. (doesn't count masturbation)
    For me, I would still consider myself very conservative being an Indian but I am not displeased/disgusted by people having pre-martial sex. Kids and teens should abstain, but that's just my viewpoint.
    So what are your views about virginity? Has your country's culture played a great influence on this viewpoint?
     
  2. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I'm middle europian. I think that on the outside we pretend sexuality is disgusting and stupid, on the inside we think people who don't fuck are losers. When I was young I thought that sexuality is stupid and primitive and I should fall in love with one girl and be only with her. But then I found that girls just want to fuck. And guys who don't fuck are considered weak pussies. Girls pretend they want someone who will love only them, but if you love her, she will reject you (or you won't tell her, because if she rejected you you would probably kill yourself) and she will rather be with some guy who had a lot of sex with girls. She has to pretend she wants just one shy guy, because our culture demands it. If she was honest, that she wants to fuck, she would be despised as a "slut". And although guys pretend to despise these "sluts", they love them.
     
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  3. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    So from what I've understood is that your culture was long time ago similar to ours but during the years the attitude towards sex changed but public perception remained the same. USA is different since they showcase what they practice in terms of their attitude towards sex.
    So are people promiscuous there? Does old culture prefer people being conservative, while the new generation is more promiscuous?
     
  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I think the difference is that your countries are still religious. We were communists for a long time, and in communism religion is the opium of mankind :) Is it even possible to be promiscuous in islamic countries??
    Yes I think new generation is more promiscuous.
    Also I think that porn had its influence. It is hard to pretend *things* don't exist, when you can see them anytime in your home.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  5. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    I guess so, religion does play an important role in deciding sexual attitude. Although I'm not religious, I don't like the concept of being promiscuous because it downplays the essence of sex in love and the fact that people don't have much interesting things to do as a couple other than just jump ahead and have sex. :p
    Your country will definitely break free from the shackles of old traditions if what you mentioned is the mentality of the youngsters there. After all, the future belongs to the newer generations!
    As for here in India, we have transitioned from being super-duper conservative to conservative in big cities and a bit more conservative in small cities. Villages are still very religious and conservative.
     
  6. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I think that one day people will be all friendly and having sex for fun. But it might take thousands of years.
    I am not sure whether sexual revolution is happening. I feel more like the hypocrisy is increasing. It's not like what we thought was wrong, is good. But what was wrong is wrong, but we secretly do it, because we like it.
     
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  8. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean by this though? Do BJs make you lose your virginity where you're from?
     
  9. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    Thing is, "virginity" is a foreign word. Our closest translated word means that the person hasn't participated in any sexual activity, including BJ.
     
  10. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    And then when they come to america women from their own races treat them like consolation prizes. I can't speak for everyone else but I don't need any "shaming" to make up my mind.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  11. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    I didn't understand the "make up my mind" part. Also I don't really know about dating trends in USA, nor do I really care about it. I guess they want to try dating outside their race just for a different experience.
     
  12. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    I think you are making too broad of an assumption. Some women want just one guy.... quality over quantity sort of thing. I don't think that cultural ideal is necessarily bad. Women who don't fit that model shouldn't be shamed, but neither should the women who are fine with a steady relationship.
    Some girls want to fuck, but not all of them... A slim minority I've found. And the ones who do often come from a place of emptiness too. Not all but in my experience it's true.

    The best women are highly sexual with high self esteem and enjoy sex without letting it define them. And they are most likely with one guy.... often, but still with just one guy.

    It sounds like you've been burned by one of these women. If you have, it's not your fault.

    But you are right in a certain light. Women are far more sexual than we give them credit for in our culture.
     
  13. Barnabas

    Barnabas Fapstronaut

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    American here. To be frank, what you see in TV and movies is generally a farce. Such material is generated by small fringe groups which are coming to dominate and dictate culture.

    The reality is that the USA is a very influential place in many different ways, and there are groups dedicated to manipulating culture(MTV's president has said it quite clearly - look it up). Naturally, their destination is America. So often what they create does not reflect the general culture, but because it is omnipresent in television, radio, movies, magazines, advertisements, it creates the impression that it does and people begin to accept it and actually imitate it.

    Because there is such a diversity in America, it's hard to make generalizations, but a large section of the population is conservative and Christian or secular humanist. Both have a positive understanding of the human person and human behavior. Virginity-shaming comes from the more marginal sub-groups which worship the "authenticity" of hard living. Being a virgin is a mark of inexperience, naivete, weakness, or inauthenticity itself. Just as they describe moving from marijuana to cocaine as "graduating", they consider having sex a mark of maturation. It has proven destructive to the youth in our country, and I have watched classmates ruin their lives - before even graduating high school - with this mentality.

    This does not mean that premarital sex is not common - it is and was before cultural manipulation by Hollywood and co. People are people, and when not educated to master themselves, their instincts take over. It is looked down on, but that doesn't mean there is no respect or compassion for those involved. Often the guy does what we consider the honorable thing and marries the girl he impregnated. We call it a "shotgun wedding". Those situations often develop into generally respected couples and families and the social impropriety of how it all started is forgotten. That is at least, according to my observation of my family and friends who come from various backgrounds and sectors of American society.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2015
  14. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    And our financial industry :p
     
  15. RiBo

    RiBo Fapstronaut

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    My observations are solely based on people expressing their thoughts about sex life in America, either in other internet forums or people surveying others on social media and even on camera like YouTube.
    I've also read articles which has indicated a trend of increasing age of losing virginity in USA, which suggests that the wildest phase for sex was over (about in '70s).
    I guess it isn't looked down on bad enough like we do in Asian countries. But isn't hookup culture a product of USA? I get to hear so much about one night stands, friends with benefits over there....
     
  16. Barnabas

    Barnabas Fapstronaut

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    Right, but that is because the artificially manufactured culture is gaining traction. Culture is generally derived from behaviors which shape custom - a much more spontaneous development. Hollywood, etc. is actually reversing the process by actively dictating to society what culture is - taking many element from fringe groups and superimposing it on the whole of society. Now society is beginning to imitate what it sees in movies.

    This all happened because America is so well couched with convenience that we actually get to choose our lifestyle, rather than submit to one determined by the forces of ancestral culture, regional circumstances, climate, survival best practices etc. Now we are all backwards because we don't know the first thing about hierarchy of priorities and cannot survive outside of our luxury. Adults in that situation are much more like children, and much easier to influence.

    There are so many television shows about relationships, the ups and downs. Survival and improvement of the soul are no longer American concerns because we think we're past that(we're actually just more helpless), and so now we have "first world problems", and an existential angst that comes from having everything we need to live and having nothing transcendent to live for because we look to material well-being for our happiness and discover it can't fulfill us.
     
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  17. great point.
     
  18. traveler

    traveler Fapstronaut

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    hello there, when i see this topic i come to post right on it because it's a question i've been asking myself a lot of time, and i come to the conclusion that i think that many virgins all over the world feel really bad because of the society we live into, especially in european and american culture.

    in those culture, not having sex in the same time that the others and not "becoming a man" before a certain age is really badly seen, like if you're still virgin in france after 18 you're just a bag of shit.

    i want to tell you my little story that happend me this year and wich is really sad i think.

    last year i was in a class were everybody was nice and i was friend with everyone, erverything was perfect and i lived a very good year. this year i'm with the same guys in class, and evrerything was perfect since 3 weeks ago, were one of my friend start to flirt with a girl, by the way only to have sex with her, and get a date.
    like 2 days after he get the date, one of my friend that was friend with the one who get a date, start to insult me with no reason, and the other one too, saying that i was immature and that i diserve to still be virgin at 19. a few days after that i understand that by seeing one of my friend who has 17 get a girl and seeing me at 19 still virgin, they started to see me as a little shit that deserve no friend and that could not do anything of he's life.

    so i losses 2 good friends just because i'm still virgin at 19 and that they are starting to get girl when i'm not even talking to any, so they see me as a shit.
    well you're propably saying to yourself that they were not good friend to do me something like that, and you're right, but i don't really have better friend so i can say that i don't really have friend.
    but anyway, now all my friends and peoples that i know start to look at me bad, and i can see that they don't want to talk to me anymore just beacuse im virgin and that they are at the age when they start getting girls in their bed.

    so i can conclude that the actual society is really horrible when it come to normality and things like that, it just put people at the egde like they were deviant just beacause they are not in the statistics.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2015
  19. Harvhe

    Harvhe Fapstronaut

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    I'm personally disgusted by the culture permeated around me in regards to virginity shaming and pressure to 'purge' yourself of it. I do not like being lead into it or pushed against my will at a pace or set of conditions to which i am not comfortable. What happened to all the nuns i wonder, did they all just grow old and move to Vatican city?

    Even by my own family, who see more value in my crown jewels than the person they are attached to, hanging onto old ideals of passing down the family name merely because i am the eldest but uncoupled. Its certainly strained my relationship with them on the matter.
     
  20. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    They were never really your friends to begin with. It's fucking difficult to find true friends in our society, probably more so than a relationship. If they were your friends they wouldn't put you down but make you feel better.
    When I was 18/19 people were making fun of me for being a virgin and girls had zero interest in me. How are you supposed to find a girl when everybody around you makes you look bad?
    Now I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin but nobody really makes fun of me anymore because nobody knows it. I'm confident and I'm not bad looking and the guys around me don't seem to notice that I have absolutely zero experience with women. I know another guy who gets picked on for being a virgin. He is 19 and is acting completely unconfident and he really has this aura that says I don't get any girls. Virginity shaming really sucks. It's just something to make yourself look better and others look bad so you can tell yourself I'm awesome while you're actually being a stupid prick.
     

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