Does HJ from your significant other = reset?

depends on you and what you're trying to achieve. there isn't a rulebook that tells you what you can/can't do during nofap, each person is going through an intensely personal experience, and the rules they follow, much like their circumstances, should vary depending on who they are and what they want to get out of the challenge.

s'all down to whatever's floating your boat.

 

You alone get to decide what constitutes a relapse; however, I wouldn't reset if I were you. You received sexual gratification from your wife because she loves you. That it was a hand job doesn't change that. That has nothing to do with the way we MO'd--alone, in secret, by our own hand in the "death grip." But, it's your call.

P.S. I wouldn't reset for oral for the same reasons outlined above.

 

Yes, I wouldn't reset either. The conditions surrounding a HJ from your wife (and oral) are very different to, as Blue described, being alone and indulging in a clandestine 'fap'. Someone who loves you helped you out (I had to resist penning 'gave you a helping hand') and that is a great thing. Psychologically, I think having an orgasm, one that is experienced within the confines of a relationship, is very different to one outside a loving union. Watching porn, and indeed auto-erotica, is often a lonely, isolating experience, which is quite different to being in the company of a loving partner. Good luck with the rest of your journey.

 

I wouldn't count it as a reset. After all, you're probably here because you wanna get free from porn and have real sex with a real person.

Whether its intercourse, bj or hj I wouldn't call it a relapse. Only when it's done to porn I would consider it to be a relapse.
If you can get a handjob/ blowjob from your wife without thinking about porn or imagine anything like that and still O I would call it a success...the only thing you need to do is to persuade your brain into thinking that sex with your wife is something much better than porn. If you manage to do that I would call it a certain success.

Its the real thing you wanna get to, I think thats the reason why we're all here.
But thats just my opinion.

Good luck man!

 

I suppose it would depend on the experience of the HJ. In the pre-nofap days, when my wife & I were having sex, I would have to either look at what was happening or think of it porn-ily (as in, ::WARNING POSS. TRIGGER:: "oh yeah she's riding your c*** and loves it! She wants it so bad!" etc.). Now when we have sex I try to think about how much I love her/find her attractive/ the physical sensation of -how it actually feels-. It's really a very different exp. So how did the hj come across? Were you excited because of the visual/idea of it, or because of it being your wife & Feeling Good?

 

It is situational, for you I wouldn't suggest resetting. It is a healthy act as long as you retain a healthy mindset and likely only benefits your sexuality.
However I suffer from delayed ejaculation and my goal is to restore sensitivity. As such reaching orgasm would require a lot of stimulation and hinder my progress, therefore I would reset. However if I engage in intercourse (which would simply be a normal level of stimulation) I would not reset my counter.

 

NoFap is about being a happier, better person and improving your sex life. Any stimulation from a partner is helpful! You're training your brain to be sensitive and respond to your partner instead of porn and your own hand.

 

Very well spoken!

 

Personally I am not in a relationship right now so I can only speak from my perspective. You are clearly a lot older and are in a marriage relationship. Like the others have said each person sets their own goals and objectives. If you want to go through a full 90 day reboot without any O, I suggest you try to express your love for your spouse in other aspects of your relationship. I'm not an expert but there is always more to a strong relationship aside from the physical part. Try to connect to your spouse on a emotional, intellectual, spiritual, way for 90 days and strengthen your relationship that way. Plus by making sex a reward for staying off pmo you might enjoy it more with your spouse! Good luck and just follow your own goals, I'm just giving you my perspective.

 

Hell, no, don't reset