Does my husband have Voyeurism issues?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by HonestyMatters, Aug 27, 2018.

  1. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Hi,

    I am the wife of a long time porn addict and am trying to work out whether he also has issues around voyeurism. I don't believe he is sneaking around and peeping on anyone or taking photos/videos of other women or anything severe like that but think that some of his activities indicate voyeur tendencies. I have written a list of things that have happened or I've caught him doing that may suggest voyeuristic tendencies. I would appreciate anyone who is knowledgeable on the subject to advise if they think this is the case. Thanks.

    • The viewing of Voyeur sites on the web where images of naked women are uploaded without their permission or knowledge
    • The viewing of YouTube videos of naked women recorded with hidden cameras or mobiles
    • More interested in looking at videos and images of just naked women than actually watching couples having sex (unless there lesbians)
    • Fascination/interest in nudist beaches
    • Sneakily taking photos of me during conversations trying to get side-boob shots and pretending he’s just looking at his phone.
    • When he’s supposed to be sleeping in another room because we've had an argument, him sneaking into my room once I’m asleep, turning on the lights, pulling back my blankets and taking close-up genital and boob shots of me. This has happened a few times, with the last time me actually waking up and realising what he was doing.
    • Him having a sexual fantasy of me being blindfolded and a stranger having sex with me while he watches
     
  2. I'd say so for sure. Hope he's not posting photos of you on the web.
     
    horny nerd likes this.
  3. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    That was my first question. He reckons he definitely didn't and had no intention of doing so and that it was only for him to look at.
     
  4. Tell him to delete, look at him do it, so you feel better. Because you kno, you can never trust a drug addict.
     
  5. Yeah, it sounds like he has a definite issue. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
     
  6. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Have you thought about threatening to break up unless he gets his act together?
     
    horny nerd likes this.
  7. SamFZ

    SamFZ Fapstronaut

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    It's quite possible he's become jaded to 'normal' porn and is seeking out more and more of a thrill due to becoming numb. I figure the voyeur thing comes from wanting to make it more personal.

    I hope that's all it is anyway. But in my opinion the fact that he's taking those photos without your explicit consent is a real problem and definitely not okay and something should be done about it!
     
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  8. Porn No More

    Porn No More Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like his taste keeps escalating but more alarming are the photos of you. You are his wife and you should be respected. I agree he could be sharing them online especially if he has a fantasy of watching someone else have sex with you. I would confront him on this and even more he needs to join us and face his problems.
     
  9. Sounds to me like he is in an experimental phase. Ithink porn sites can mislead men into thinking certain behaviour isn't abnormal and that most women like it.
     
    silverlukas and HonestyMatters like this.
  10. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yes, that is actually something he said. When I asked him why?? It's not like you don't or can't see me naked at any time so what would you get out of it and why would you other than to want to share them? He reckons that he just wanted to experiment and see what it would be like in a safe environment (safe me being his wife). But still his choice of timing when I was asleep after we'd been arguing for days and he was pretty much avoiding me felt even more violating and predatory even, but I don't know, there could of been times when we weren't fighting as well....
     
  11. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yes, I've confronted him on it, a few times actually because I was so angry at him and he's aware of how I felt about it, yes, disrespected to say the least and like my privacy and rights had been totally violated, whether I'm his wife or not. He assures me he didn't share them online, and had no intention and that it was only for himself. So I can only hope so. This happened some time ago now and as far as I'm aware it hasn't happened since. And he has joined NoFap too and is working towards his recovery. I think this site is great and will be a big help for both of us...I just really wondered whether it was apart of the whole porn addiction, like a fetish, or whether it should be dealt with differently or separately. If he's serious about his recovery, then I don't want him skipping anything that he should be doing....
     
    Porn No More likes this.
  12. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yes, I've threatened divorce and separation with the whole porn addiction quite a few times unless he gets his act together. The taking photos of me happened a while back and he know's how I feel about it and i think its stopped. He's trying to deal with his porn addiction...I just really wanted to know how many other PA's exhibit this sort of behaviour and whether it is still porn related....
     
  13. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    I think it's more just the sort of thing he really preferred to look at. More natural and not fake like real porn.....so he tells me anyway. Years ago, when I had the first D Day, he was on a voyeur site and admitted that was the main site he looked at. Still the way I see it, is the women are victims, and not there by choice....whether it's more natural or not.
     
    SamFZ and I_mtb_4_it like this.
  14. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    You may need to leave him, like leave or kick him out for a week. Idk if his family, mom or people would be able to help him get his head straight. It is a private thing but the pics he took of you isn't cool at all. The part with him wanting you to be with a stranger is a common fantasy I would say. But if you don't like it then tell him. Lay your foot down.Sure many couples do that stuff where the guy has his wife or whoever fucked by a good looking or other guy and he watches. If you liked that stuff it would be different but you do not. Besides he is online looking at stuff all the time and that isn't good.
     
    4DCreator and HonestyMatters like this.
  15. This thread made me think of something I did. I had some sexy photos my GF sent to me. I was on Craigslist and traded them with a guy for photos of his wife.
     
  16. Mark65

    Mark65 Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps I've overlooked some things in this discussion, but does he have any pictures of you, or anything that could embarrass you?

    It seems that you have made up your mind already, but are just waiting (or hoping?) for an excuse to continue this relation.

    I know how hard it is to break with someone you love, but is there enough respect left? If there is, and I hope there is, it's up to you how far you want to go and accept his addiction. Don't flatter yourself that you can save or even change him, you'll have live with it.

    Much strength and think of yourself in the first place,
    Mark.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
  17. nundasvarten

    nundasvarten Fapstronaut

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    Someone needs to punch this dumb fuck in the throat.
     
  18. Why say that,he not any worse then any of us here. Only reason to do something like that to him is if it involved kids.Then a throat punch is not enough.
     
  19. nundasvarten

    nundasvarten Fapstronaut

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    Someone needed to punch me in the throat too!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. If that's what it takes.
     
    ryan23 likes this.

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