Does my husband have Voyeurism issues?

Thanks for your reply @Sharksvv I've been off NF for a bit so late reply.

HonestyMatters said:
  • Sneakily taking photos of me during conversations trying to get side-boob shots and pretending he’s just looking at his phone.
  • When he’s supposed to be sleeping in another room because we've had an argument, him sneaking into my room once I’m asleep, turning on the lights, pulling back my blankets and taking close-up genital and boob shots of me. This has happened a few times, with the last time me actually waking up and realising what he was doing.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure I can agree ALL those bullet points sound fairly normal....what about these two?? Can you tell me why you think that's normal?

Men will look at provocative imagery of women online one way or the other, this is something millions and millions of men/husbands do. It’s in our nature but it doesn’t mean we don’t love our girlfriends/wives.
Click to expand...

I get / understand what you're saying here, men like to look at provocative imagery of women....but this is also why Sooo many of you have PORN ADDICTIONS. Becoming addicted to it shouldn't be in anyone's nature......and I know my husband loves me, I've never questioned that....

Sharksvv said:
I think maybe you need to sit down with your husband, obviously given by your comments he finds you attractive.
Click to expand...

Yes, I know he finds me attractive and we've sat down and talked bucket loads. Although, voyeurism issues is a touchy subject that I think he is too scared stiff of / or in denial about to even address properly.

What is your sex life like? Is he not feeling satisfied with it? That could be a major reason why he exhibits these behaviours.
Click to expand...

From what he tells me he's happy with our sex life. The only complaint he has is not getting oral sex 10 times a day Lol. Other than when the kids were babies/toddlers (over a decade ago) or if we were fighting / at odds about his porn addiction, it's always been fairly regular (2-4 times a week). I actually enjoy sex, so I'm not one of these women who doesn't, and he always tells me his biggest pleasure is pleasuring me and seeing me pleasured. I know a lot of men couldn't care less about pleasing their wives so he's certainly not selfish in that sense. But he does certainly have a higher sex drive than me. I know at his worst with his porn addiction he'd be masturbating up to 6 times at day.....there's no way in the world I would ever have any desire whatsoever to keep up with that. The main complaint I have with him is PE. I know most men have PIED. He know's why he has a PE problem and its due to trying to orgasm while masturbating as fast as possible so he doesn't get caught. The funny thing is they say cure PE with masturbation. But when you've got a masturbation addiction it's not the answer. You might ask how can I enjoy sex if he has PE, well sometimes I don't. But most of the time I get aroused quickly or he'll work me up before sex or I'll stimulate myself while having sex....Currently there's NO SEX (which sucks) because he's doing the NoFap Academy 90 Day Reboot, so No sex, masturbation, orgasm, porn BUT if it can reboot his Porn Addict Brain then it's worth it!!!

Edit: And I should add that he's told me countless times that there's nothing that we could add to our sex lives that would stop his porn/masturbation addiction because our sex life is not the problem. The problem is he uses the copious amounts of dopamine he's producing in his brain to escape his real life problems and emotions. He can't deal with feeling his emotions. It's a case of using dopamine to run from problems instead of dealing with them.
 
Last edited:
ultrafabber said:
NO, WTF. Wanting to see your wife fucked by another man is not something common at all. It's just something that's induced by watching porn - when you're watching porn you're literally training your brain to be aroused when you watch someone you're attracted to get fucked by someone else. Porn literally trains you to be a cuck.

You used to literally get killed for having sex with someone that is someone else's spouse. Partner got killed also. Still happens actually.

WANTING TO SEE YOUR PARTNER GET FUCKED BY SOMEONE ELSE IS NOT NORMAL AT ALL, IT'S DEGENERATE.

@HonestyMatters Your husband needs professional help. He is escalating the behavior and it's an abnormal and unhealthy behavior to begin with. There's probably a lot of tension between you and understandably so, which is why he probably doesn't want to confess everything to you. A therapist however will help him. Just make sure it's not a degenerate "new age sex therapist" , which is what sadly most therapists in US/Europe are. This new breed of sex therapists actually encourage "experimentation" and sexual degeneracy.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply @ultrafabber

I think what @GA93JDeereboy was more getting at is it's "Common Fantasy" not "Common in Actual Real Life"

I've also read in numerous places it's a common fantasy among men........

My Husband has never EVER suggested or said that he ACTUALLY wants to see me fucked by another man in real life!!

He has said he definitely does not. IMHO he's such a jealous guy I don't believe he'd even be able to stomach it!! (Not that there will EVER be a chance in hell that's getting tested [on me] )

I think there's a big difference between a FANTASY and ACTUAL REAL LIFE
 
Last edited:
HonestyMatters said:
I've also read in numerous places it's a common fantasy among men........
Click to expand...

Yes, because most places are influenced by "new age sexual revolution". It's just a lot of degeneracy and it started with Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s. Google "kinsey table 34 " and see who the father of "modern" sexuality is.

Fantasy and reality are not that different, it is only now in this degenerate times that many try to suggest it's ok to fantasize if you're not doing it. It's not, it's a form of cheating, and I know because I did this too and I destroyed a long term relationship that way.

In marriage you forsake all others, that means fantasies about others as well. Society is being destroyed with this rampant emotional/sexual infidelity.

I'm not saying he will want it in real life or not, it's still something that should not happen regardless and the very fact that he is thinking about it means there's something messed up that he needs to address. Cuckoldry is a mental issue/paraphilia.
 
ultrafabber said:
Yes, because most places are influenced by "new age sexual revolution". It's just a lot of degeneracy and it started with Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s. Google "kinsey table 34 " and see who the father of "modern" sexuality is.
Click to expand...

Thanks @ultrafabber , yes just looked it up - that's absolutely atrocious/disgusting to say the least.

What you were saying about these new age sex therapists in your other post is a major concern. I don't know a lot about them. I'm not in US/UK. Someone a while back in this thread suggested experimenting with my husbands voyeuristic porn interest - like role playing in the shower!?! I couldn't think of anything worse, was actually mortified by the idea. As far as I'm concerned it would only further encourage the problem not alleviate it.

ultrafabber said:
Fantasy and reality are not that different, it is only now in this degenerate times that many try to suggest it's ok to fantasize if you're not doing it. It's not, it's a form of cheating, and I know because I did this too and I destroyed a long term relationship that way.
Click to expand...

I agree that fantasising is a form of cheating. It's been a point of contention between my husband and I for many years but he is finally starting to get out of his brain fog ( I think?!? - but that's certainly debatable at times). Fantasising has been a huge problem for him in his masturbation addiction. He is highly visual in his head so doesn't even need to be looking at porn to have full detail imagery. I'm not so visual like that and struggle just to see pictures in my head half the time, he can have whole scenes/movies playing out if you know what i mean. I totally agree with the theory it has the same affect on the brain as looking at actual porn. It strengthens those neural pathways already created by the addiction.

ultrafabber said:
In marriage you forsake all others, that means fantasies about others as well. Society is being destroyed with this rampant emotional/sexual infidelity.
Click to expand...

Yes I totally agree. It might not be the same as physical cheating but still a form of cheating. And yes, society is being destroyed by it - sometimes I wonder why I ever bought children into this world....it's become so immoral, disrespectful and outright disgusting in my opinion.

ultrafabber said:
I'm not saying he will want it in real life or not, it's still something that should not happen regardless and the very fact that he is thinking about it means there's something messed up that he needs to address. Cuckoldry is a mental issue/paraphilia.
Click to expand...

YEP, he's got A LOT of messed up thinking going on believe me, it's a nightmare to say the least!!
 
Last edited:
HonestyMatters said:
Yes, that is actually something he said. When I asked him why?? It's not like you don't or can't see me naked at any time so what would you get out of it and why would you other than to want to share them?
Click to expand...
I'm probably going to sound like an arsehole :s my gf often says "you" a lot when she talks to me. ii switch off a little when she says that word. I try not to talk that way when we have a heated talk. I read that using "I feel (this way)" comments are better and i am more likely to respond to her if she would say that. but she doesn't talk that way. she says "you" a lot. I accept that some women find it difficult to talk that way. Perhaps some men too but i feel as though men will acknowledge that difference in language. perhaps i am wrong. perhaps that is just me
 
HonestyMatters said:
Hi,

I am the wife of a long time porn addict and am trying to work out whether he also has issues around voyeurism. I don't believe he is sneaking around and peeping on anyone or taking photos/videos of other women or anything severe like that but think that some of his activities indicate voyeur tendencies. I have written a list of things that have happened or I've caught him doing that may suggest voyeuristic tendencies. I would appreciate anyone who is knowledgeable on the subject to advise if they think this is the case. Thanks.

  • The viewing of Voyeur sites on the web where images of naked women are uploaded without their permission or knowledge
  • The viewing of YouTube videos of naked women recorded with hidden cameras or mobiles
  • More interested in looking at videos and images of just naked women than actually watching couples having sex (unless there lesbians)
  • Fascination/interest in nudist beaches
  • Sneakily taking photos of me during conversations trying to get side-boob shots and pretending he’s just looking at his phone.
  • When he’s supposed to be sleeping in another room because we've had an argument, him sneaking into my room once I’m asleep, turning on the lights, pulling back my blankets and taking close-up genital and boob shots of me. This has happened a few times, with the last time me actually waking up and realising what he was doing.
  • Him having a sexual fantasy of me being blindfolded and a stranger having sex with me while he watches
Click to expand...
I’d say your fears are correct, sorry to say. It’s not really something I can comment too much on. Although even healthy males are visually stimulated by sex so checking out women/men is normal. However, your partners behaviour does seem extreme.
 
Taking naked photos of you while sleeping? I would call the police. Your photos can be all over the internet now without you knowing, I wouldn't believe him a single word what he says. His head is full of fulfilling his fetish, not being with you as a normal respectful partner. He is obsessed with him, so he can be easily lying just to stay a "nice guy" in your eyes. He doesn't have respect at all. Dangerous person.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top