Does my husband have Voyeurism issues?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by HonestyMatters, Aug 27, 2018.

  1. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yep, I did that long time ago. Nothing on the cloud. That's IF he's being honest that there's no other cloud accounts that I don't know about.....but everything is always an IFFFF???
    Gotham Outlaw likes this.
  2. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply @Sharksvv I've been off NF for a bit so late reply.

    I'm not sure I can agree ALL those bullet points sound fairly normal....what about these two?? Can you tell me why you think that's normal?

    I get / understand what you're saying here, men like to look at provocative imagery of women....but this is also why Sooo many of you have PORN ADDICTIONS. Becoming addicted to it shouldn't be in anyone's nature......and I know my husband loves me, I've never questioned that....

    Yes, I know he finds me attractive and we've sat down and talked bucket loads. Although, voyeurism issues is a touchy subject that I think he is too scared stiff of / or in denial about to even address properly.

    From what he tells me he's happy with our sex life. The only complaint he has is not getting oral sex 10 times a day Lol. Other than when the kids were babies/toddlers (over a decade ago) or if we were fighting / at odds about his porn addiction, it's always been fairly regular (2-4 times a week). I actually enjoy sex, so I'm not one of these women who doesn't, and he always tells me his biggest pleasure is pleasuring me and seeing me pleasured. I know a lot of men couldn't care less about pleasing their wives so he's certainly not selfish in that sense. But he does certainly have a higher sex drive than me. I know at his worst with his porn addiction he'd be masturbating up to 6 times at day.....there's no way in the world I would ever have any desire whatsoever to keep up with that. The main complaint I have with him is PE. I know most men have PIED. He know's why he has a PE problem and its due to trying to orgasm while masturbating as fast as possible so he doesn't get caught. The funny thing is they say cure PE with masturbation. But when you've got a masturbation addiction it's not the answer. You might ask how can I enjoy sex if he has PE, well sometimes I don't. But most of the time I get aroused quickly or he'll work me up before sex or I'll stimulate myself while having sex....Currently there's NO SEX (which sucks) because he's doing the NoFap Academy 90 Day Reboot, so No sex, masturbation, orgasm, porn BUT if it can reboot his Porn Addict Brain then it's worth it!!!

    Edit: And I should add that he's told me countless times that there's nothing that we could add to our sex lives that would stop his porn/masturbation addiction because our sex life is not the problem. The problem is he uses the copious amounts of dopamine he's producing in his brain to escape his real life problems and emotions. He can't deal with feeling his emotions. It's a case of using dopamine to run from problems instead of dealing with them.
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  3. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply @ultrafabber

    I think what @GA93JDeereboy was more getting at is it's "Common Fantasy" not "Common in Actual Real Life"

    I've also read in numerous places it's a common fantasy among men........

    My Husband has never EVER suggested or said that he ACTUALLY wants to see me fucked by another man in real life!!

    He has said he definitely does not. IMHO he's such a jealous guy I don't believe he'd even be able to stomach it!! (Not that there will EVER be a chance in hell that's getting tested [on me] )

    I think there's a big difference between a FANTASY and ACTUAL REAL LIFE
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  4. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

    Make sure to check any flash drives you find, too.
  5. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    Yes, because most places are influenced by "new age sexual revolution". It's just a lot of degeneracy and it started with Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s. Google "kinsey table 34 " and see who the father of "modern" sexuality is.

    Fantasy and reality are not that different, it is only now in this degenerate times that many try to suggest it's ok to fantasize if you're not doing it. It's not, it's a form of cheating, and I know because I did this too and I destroyed a long term relationship that way.

    In marriage you forsake all others, that means fantasies about others as well. Society is being destroyed with this rampant emotional/sexual infidelity.

    I'm not saying he will want it in real life or not, it's still something that should not happen regardless and the very fact that he is thinking about it means there's something messed up that he needs to address. Cuckoldry is a mental issue/paraphilia.
  6. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Thanks @ultrafabber , yes just looked it up - that's absolutely atrocious/disgusting to say the least.

    What you were saying about these new age sex therapists in your other post is a major concern. I don't know a lot about them. I'm not in US/UK. Someone a while back in this thread suggested experimenting with my husbands voyeuristic porn interest - like role playing in the shower!?! I couldn't think of anything worse, was actually mortified by the idea. As far as I'm concerned it would only further encourage the problem not alleviate it.

    I agree that fantasising is a form of cheating. It's been a point of contention between my husband and I for many years but he is finally starting to get out of his brain fog ( I think?!? - but that's certainly debatable at times). Fantasising has been a huge problem for him in his masturbation addiction. He is highly visual in his head so doesn't even need to be looking at porn to have full detail imagery. I'm not so visual like that and struggle just to see pictures in my head half the time, he can have whole scenes/movies playing out if you know what i mean. I totally agree with the theory it has the same affect on the brain as looking at actual porn. It strengthens those neural pathways already created by the addiction.

    Yes I totally agree. It might not be the same as physical cheating but still a form of cheating. And yes, society is being destroyed by it - sometimes I wonder why I ever bought children into this's become so immoral, disrespectful and outright disgusting in my opinion.

    YEP, he's got A LOT of messed up thinking going on believe me, it's a nightmare to say the least!!
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
  7. I'm probably going to sound like an arsehole :s my gf often says "you" a lot when she talks to me. ii switch off a little when she says that word. I try not to talk that way when we have a heated talk. I read that using "I feel (this way)" comments are better and i am more likely to respond to her if she would say that. but she doesn't talk that way. she says "you" a lot. I accept that some women find it difficult to talk that way. Perhaps some men too but i feel as though men will acknowledge that difference in language. perhaps i am wrong. perhaps that is just me
  8. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

    I’d say your fears are correct, sorry to say. It’s not really something I can comment too much on. Although even healthy males are visually stimulated by sex so checking out women/men is normal. However, your partners behaviour does seem extreme.
    HonestyMatters likes this.
  9. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

    I'd say he's very lucky to have such a tolerant and understanding wife...
  10. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Taking naked photos of you while sleeping? I would call the police. Your photos can be all over the internet now without you knowing, I wouldn't believe him a single word what he says. His head is full of fulfilling his fetish, not being with you as a normal respectful partner. He is obsessed with him, so he can be easily lying just to stay a "nice guy" in your eyes. He doesn't have respect at all. Dangerous person.
    HonestyMatters likes this.