Does PMO prevent one from reciprocating love or unable to love his partner

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Reeed, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. Reeed

    Reeed Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone, am new here and yet to know my way around the forum. This is my first post in here. Pardon my typos am too distressed to proofread.
    So I have been masturbating since I was 9 years old and now am 24 (15 years masturbating), i masturbate a minimum of 3-4times a week.
    Aside the well known health effect of masturbation, I have this strange feeling which i think may be caused by PMO.
    I notice I feel very lazy about doing anything, I feel drained, lack of motivation to do even stuffs that are very important to me. Stuffs like working to earn a living, falling in love and working hard to make the relationship work.
    I have a fiance who has all the qualities i have always wished for in a woman, but to my surprise i don't find motivation in her, I find it hard to picture life with her, I feel down, I feel distressed about her.
    Deep down I know she would make a good wife but I don't know why I feel strange about being with her. I don't know if am making any sense to anyone here, but why can't I fall in love? it seems to me that masturbation prevents one from genuinely falling in love, more like the distress that comes with masturbation is beginning to affect my social life, love, education, work, and so on, all because I feel unhappy deep down.
    Am still a virgin, if being a virgin is restricted to not having an actual sex. Also I don't look all that bad, not slendar just medium, and not fat. But I don't understand why I feel drained inside me, and cant reciprocate her love. I need help could this be caused by masturbation or may be i just don't don't love her?
     
  2. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation has no effect on the conundrum of one-sided feelings - that's something every human has to deal with at some point in his life - usually from the other side. And there is no way to force it. Only moving on helps.

    The more important question to answer is: How did you end up being her "fiance" if there is no attraction? How are you going to keep fidelity, when you fall in love with someone else right away next opportunity?
     
  3. Reeed

    Reeed Fapstronaut

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    I went for her because she has qualities I cherish in a girl and till today I admire those qualities. How then the feeling is one sided is what I don't understand. Its strange.
     
  4. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    It's not strange at all. Being in love starts with reproductive compatibility on a biological level. It means that a certain connection produces resilient offspring with a high chance of survival. This stuff is estimated on a subconscious level without you having any say in that decision. You both are obviously incompatible.

    You seem to treat your relationship like a business transaction: You think all you need is a contractor that fills all your check boxes and then the rest falls into place. Truth is: You are wasting her time by keeping her trapped in an engagement with no emotional connection.

    While many people think an emotional connection is the only thing you need for relationship, you have done the opposite mistake and believe that "love" thing is somehow going to fall into place. Some deeper connection is a requirement for an engagement and if it didn't happen until then, it's not going to happen in the future. I don't know why you moved that thing so far.
     
  5. It manipulates your emotions, and you can't express them in their original, natural state.
     
  6. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Read his post, he is a engaged virgin - most likely from a religious background, who followed some recipe of "how to find a wife" or he ended up in some arranged marriage. And he is now looking for the reason why it doesn't match what he tries to make fit.

    The reason is that is doesn't work this way. You naturally screen out someone by meeting candidates in various contexts until you connect to someone, then do the background-checks - not the other way around. Finding a spouse for life is not like shopping on Amazon.
     
  7. Well I answered his titular question only.
    Yup!
    And Yup Again!
     
  8. Reeed

    Reeed Fapstronaut

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    We are currently no longer together, if we aren't compatible, why do i still feel I want her back and at the same time scared of the loveless feeling? I feel u still want to be with her but the feeling isn't there kind off.
     
  9. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    You might be afraid of being alone with yourself. However that's the worst reason to enter a relationship.
     
    Reeed likes this.

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