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Does this make me a sissy? I’m worried that’s what I’m becoming?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Omega909, Sep 21, 2020.

  1. Omega909

    Omega909 Fapstronaut

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    First off I think I’m bisexual not 100% sure though. Dicks turn me on but that’s usually the only part I find sexually appealing. I don’t have romantic feelings at all for men only women. I have a fetish for dicks I feel like. I would watch a lot of bbc hypno. It turns me on to think of me trying a blowbang or a bukkake. It really turns me on to think of deepthroating one. I love anal both taking and giving.

    I know I have a porn addiction because I can’t go a day without it and I masturbate at least 2 or 3 times a day. I would watch it sometimes for hours on end and edge while watching it and it eventually turn into me performing anal on myself and basically just getting really nasty with myself. I never dressed up as a girl though. No scat or stuff like that either and also no transgendered person porn I tried once but it made me too uncomfortable. I love being submissive but not all the time. All of this was fun I enjoyed doing it until I orgasmed then I felt intense shame about myself. I would always worry and felt that I was a sissy guy or that I was becoming one and frankly it would just make me feel like less of a man.

    I tried to stop doing these things but I kept doing it though because it was like an addiction to me even though it made me feel horrible about myself. One night I did some things with some guys over kik and I liked it a lot it turned me on so much. I was being very submissive and talking kind of like how a girl would in a porn video. That was the first time I ever did something like that and it brought very intense shame about myself so I stopped doing that and all the other things I was doing too except masturbating. I’d watch porn too but more vanilla stuff now.

    It was about 2 months I stayed away from doing that stuff but i ended up doing it last night. Honestly I love doing it but I’m scared if I keep doing it I’m going to become a sissy guy which I don’t want anything to do with that stuff. I don’t want to be a girl. I want to be a man.
     
  2. From what you've written, you have clearly exposed yourself to a lot of porn. Me, too. In my addiction, I have been inclined to think, "oh, well there's all these videos about this stuff, or clearly lots of other guys are into this too, so it must be kind of normal . . . "
    One might even say that porn normalizes what most normal people would call extreme behaviours (like the oral gang bangs and bukkake that you described. It's a free world. You can do that stuff if you want (with other consenting adults), but the collective experience of Nofap will abundantly confirm that porn is warping your mind.

    Do yourself a favour. Take a long break from porn. Then you will have a better understanding (and better control) of your sexuality.
     
    T2Q, Daryn, Xander_ and 3 others like this.
  3. Omega909

    Omega909 Fapstronaut

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    I only do until orgasm then I don’t want to do it and regret it but you’re right I need to step away from porn. Not going to lie I feel ashamed and depressed about it right now like a lot.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  4. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Notice how the most extreme things about porn are the things that turn you on? And notice the shame you feel after you orgasm? Do you actually like doing this shit or is it just the THOUGHT that spikes pornographic dopamine into your brain. Whatever your porn addiction is telling you to do, dont do it. You'll hate yourself because once these thoughts become reality, they aren't thoughts anymore. They are real, and you don't want to degrade yourself just because a porn addiction is telling you to solidify your inferiority. If you do this shit to yourself again, look in a fucking mirror and truthfully ask yourself if you recognise the guy looking back at you. If thats what you find pleasurable. If that is what feels right to you. I was once like you, same porn induced fetishes about being a submissive degraded cock worshipper. But now i understand that these things are just extreme pornographic thoughts. Just conditioned thoughts that spike the porn addiction. I don't want to be used or be forced to do disgusting things that literally don't give me any physical or mental pleasure. That type of porn is dirty and degrading and because I had a huge self esteem issue and thought that i wasn't good enough for girls, my brain sexualised low self esteem. Thankfully I've never acted out in real life and never will because I know how those porn things are the literal opposite of who i am and what I truly want. All they do is spike the porn addiction. Have some respect for yourself.
     
    Xander_, tonyk1982, Wren and 4 others like this.
  5. UnStunned

    UnStunned Fapstronaut

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    When you're watching porn, you are exposed to other men's dick while you masturbate. You can unknowingly get conditioned to that. It doesn't mean you're bisexual or gay, it's just porn which has fucked you up. If you are strong enough, you can overcome this conditioning by not acting on these thoughts. Eventually as you try to lead a normal life, you will feel less and less attracted towards that sorta stuff.
     
  6. You're not a sissy. The porn is lying to you. Making you think that you are something that you are not. Do not give into their lie. Run from sissy hypno as fast as you can.
     
    T2Q, Daryn and Tari Legong like this.
  7. PrinceDaniel

    PrinceDaniel Fapstronaut

    You are not bi or a sissy! Modern society and the porn-industry are trying to make you a bi-sexual sissy!
    What you should do instead is STOP watching all porn, delete kik and the other apps that promote this behaviour.
    An evil force is consciously trying to destroy men like you.
    If you need any help or guidance, please send me a DM.

    I am happy to help a brother in need.
     
  8. BigBob73

    BigBob73 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to all of this. My need for dopamine got so crazy that I was on gay dating apps and I loved transgendered person porn.....for the sexy women with the big dick bulging under her dress.

    The thing is....I'm not attracted to men and never have been. I'm not gay at all. It was thenporn warping my mind to give me that same thrill that regular porn uses to give me.
     
  9. I too went down that rabbit hole. It can be scary. But you can come back from it.
     
  10. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

    I'm struggling like crazy right now with this shit too. Weekends alone are tough.
    I have triggers all the time, obsessive thoughts about me doing nasty stuff and enjoying it.
    It's scary because there seems to be no limits to those fantasies if you allow yourself to act out.
    First it's solo play, then meeting men in real life, etc. It takes over your life. The horizon is living 24/7 as a hypersexualized sissy, always craving submissive sex and degrading practices. This is a poison, I don't want that for myself or anyone else out there.

    At the same time there is this idea that everything is acceptable regarding sexuality as long as there is mutual consent. But here the consent is not so obvious: you're acting on impulse, you're addicted.

    I remember a girl I met on a dating website a few years ago. A lovely and very smart girl, but she had a lot of psychological issues due to a history of abuses. At first I really didn't want to have anything sexual with her, just be a friend and a support. But she couldn't help acting sexually with me, and I didn't fully understand the issue so eventually I let her, thinking well after all she seems to want it so bad (and she was freakingly attractive). But actually I doubt we can say she really wanted it. Her life was crippled by those compulsive sexual behaviors. She would put herself in dangerous situations, like meeting strangers, sending over underwear etc. Getting turned on at any moment of the day. She was not fulfilling normal, healthy sex needs. I was not a partner to her, just a way to act out on her overwhelming triggers. She didn't kiss me, nor look into my eyes. Every now and then she would stop everything and say it was disgusting and stuff like that, but went back on me right after.

    Aren't we in the same situation? So the matter is not who you are, a sissy or whatnot, but rather how you can get help in order to live a healthy life and keep addictions at bay. Here I'm talking to myself as well, since I haven't had the courage to start a therapy yet. But I don't see myself living through this forever, there has to be a way.
     
    T2Q and Daryn like this.
  11. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

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    Felt this, was on gay hookup sites talking with guys.....and I'm not gay.
     
  12. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    It's all a big mess, there is only one way to make it all stop. I have never personally done this behavior but I am not above it and have considered it time and again.

    About the porn part, I think there is conditioning by means of observational learning, a phenomenon that is quite strong in primates, to imitate other primates who are achieving our goals, so there is a complex interplay of watching the male performer **** off, and we the observer primate is also *** off, and so we are imitating him but also the act of *** off activates other circuitry not involved in learning per se so it's like a short circuit like wires crossed and now your brain becomes like "welp I have sexuality now that includes watching someone *** off while I *** off" have you noticed that modern porn has been trending towards the male performer ***off himself in most of the videos there's a reason for that.
     
  13. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    You're brave enough to face this, so you are not a sissy. I think, though, that eventually all the other types of P you mentioned, and others, which don't suit you now, eventually will. A P habit will keep twisting and twisting, becoming more extreme and more fetish-like all the more - you are keeping your appetite wet for it. You're wise to face recovery now.

    .
     
  14. Omega909

    Omega909 Fapstronaut

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    You're right I didnt stop and now its worse. I literally cant stop no matter what I do and now everytime I see a cute girl or any girl I find attractive I think about sucking the male genitalia. Im really scared I wont be able to reverse this stuff.
     
  15. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    I know it's hard to picture, but I can 100% guarantee that these desires have been programmed into you by fapping to sP. For a long time, after lots of dressing up, using toys, RPing online, considering meeting up irl, and considering hormones and surgery, I thought I was this "sissy", or trans, or something I didn't even understand.

    However, I did a 3 month reboot with literally no expectations, got into a real relationship, and realized that all this stuff is BS. You're not turning into a sissy and you aren't one already because it does not exist. It's a highly arousing fantasy that hooks guys that for some reason feel un-masculine, worthless, and afraid. But it's not a real thing.

    Some people who think they are sissies think they're actually trans, but after seeing accounts of actual trans people on this site and others, I can affirm that thinking you are trans and thinking you are a sissy are so different and should never be construed.

    The part of your mind infected with porn is gonna say this is BS and you shouldn't listen, so I suggest you do what I did: do a 90 day hard mode reboot with no expectations, and then try having a "normal" romantic and sexual relationship.

    I did this, and during my reboot started dating this girl. I was completely unsure how it would turn out, how I would feel, and what type of path I would take in life.

    After the reboot and having some sex with my gf to rewire, I instantly realized "Wow all this sissy crap is just a lie".

    Now this isn't to say I'm not completely healed; I still get urges and compulsions for sissy porn and activities, which has been exacerbated by lockdown. However, I can see through the lies of sissy porn, and know that it doesn't represent me or any other human being.
     
    Omega909 likes this.
  16. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Hey dude. Been there and it wasn't worth it. I had the same thoughts, went through the same struggle. I did roleplay with other guys, hypno stuff, CD, anal, you name it... I was convinced I am gay or trans or something like this. I was sure it's somehow part of me that i can't change. I accepted that and i thought it will be like that for the rest of my life.

    But one day i decided to stop. I am still not sure why. I made profile here and I learn about porn induced fetishes, I learned about people who underwent sex change because of porn induced misconceptions and then regret that I saw all that shit i used to enjoy in it's bare horror.

    You are a man. But you have to take responsibility for your life and be like one. Forgot about porn. All of it, all the sissy stuff, but all the macho stuff either. Being a man is about being stable, creative, go out and do stuff. Porn steal our souls and energy. It traps us in vicious circle of mindless self indulgence and before we know our life is over and we can see we didn't achieve anything.

    Changing it 's everyday struggle, but every day it's easier to break it. Go day after day and be the man you were meant to be. It probably never disappear, but it'll fade eventually.

    Be strong, man, you can do it.
     
  17. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Hey man I used to be in the same situation as you. I thought I was a sissy, trans, or just something that wasn't a man. I have a thread on my profile under the "Information" section titled "Am I a Sissy?". I highly suggest you read it.
     
  18. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I was in a similar, but maybe less extreme situation. I don't think you are bi or "sissy". If your actions are entirely dictated by porn - cut off porn and enjoy freedom. I know that this is not easy. But if you are bisexual because of context of porn, without any emotional attachment, I do not think you are bi at all.
     
    Omega909 likes this.
  19. Omega909

    Omega909 Fapstronaut

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    I really just hope one day I dont have this urge anymore. I just want to be normal again.
     

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