Doesn't hurt enough

I'm reading this book by Amanda Palmer at the moment, The Art of Asking.
A short story from it, made me feel very understood.

"A farmer is sitting on his porch in a chair, hanging out.
A friend walks up to the porch to say hello, and hears an awful yelping, squealing sound coming from inside the house.
"What's that terrifyin' sound?" asks the friend.
"It's my dog," said the farmer. "He's sittin' on a nail."
"Why doesn't he just sit up and get off it?" asks the friend.
The farmer deliberates on this and replies:
"Doesn't hurt enough yet.""

I feel like for the most of my life I'm just avoiding socializing and cutting myself off of people. I have no problem talking to someone, but then when we part ways I just loose all connection and nowadays, when I'm trying to regulate my social media and Skype use, it sometimes feels as if I were intentionally hurting myself by not allowing me to get really close and commited to people.
Maybe it is because I'm afraid of commitments. Or perhaps because I feel like I am not worthy of their time. Or is it because I need to self-sabotage myself to stay sane?
Sometimes, it feels as if I was getting in my own way constantly. It is possible that my outlook on this is overly negative as I relapsed a few hours ago and still recovering from it, but I think it just got the scary dark stuff out on the surface.
I'm not even sure what I expect from this thread at this point. I just wanted to share my melancholy and maybe feel understood. I'm going to use a check-list tomorrow morning and I'm going to add an item "make my bed" there. Just to increase dopamine. Read it somewhere, should make me feel better. Anyway, I'm off. Hope this made you feel.. something.

 

Wow, thank you for your reply. I feel a bit overwhelmed by your response. I'm very grateful that you could relate to my post.

Yes, staying free of PMO does miracles to me. I feel so different as opposed to when I do it. I got off of a 34 day streak when I made this post. I discovered NoFap last year, when I went through multiple symptoms of PMO such as PIED and DE. I also struggled with self-harming around that period.
Now my main drive is because NoFap makes me feel so alpha, I have a very strong drive to do anything and my mind is very calm.
34 days is the longest I've gone, hoping to beat that soon.
I totally think that NoFap is a catalyst for life, and for me life is not just about surviving when I'm on a streak, but I feel alive.
How about you? When did you first start NoFap? What's been your experience, what changes did you encounter? Please, do let me know.

 

Thanks for your reply Do you have a girlfriend at the moment?

You can totally beat it. The time to do so is now and I believe in you .

And yes, I can totally relate to those effects. Right now I feel like shit, and it has been some days since I relapsed now. I'm going to meditate once I get home, whatever that gets me better.

We are both going to push our limits, glks luck man.

Oh yea, I'm in the second / five years in high school. I don't like it a whole lot but it's okay. I'm trying to do lots of exercise these days, it helps a lot and I love it.

I assume you work, what's your job like? Do you like it?