Don’t focus on women? Don’t fool yourself.

MyMind07

Fapstronaut
I read a lot of advices here from men that say: Don’t focus on women, focus on yourself, your growth, your goals. Women are a waste of time. And it is precisely these men that I see relapsing every time..

How crazy is that? Is it to convince yourself not to focus on women? Who are you kidding?

If you don’t focus on women, why do you have difficulty staying away from porn? Why are you keeping relapsing then? Watching porn is just focusing on multiple women, with multiple tabs open. Your brain thinks it has sex with multiple women and that you have a lot of choice.

If you focus on your goals and passion, you shouldn’t have time for watching porn? Watching porn = putting women on a pedestal.

Don't fool yourself. You and everyone wants to have a girlfriend, wife or FWB, deep down. Everyone wants to have sex. Almost every man looks at women, thinks of women. Women also often think of men. This is arranged from nature and it is human. Everyone wants to be touched, cuddled, experience intimacy, kiss, have sex etc. But porn can’t give you that. Having a partner is a human need, but porn is not a human need. You can go without that. I rather have lots of women and sex in real life than porn.

Look, women are not my main goal. I am free from porn over 3 years. My personal growth is my number 1 goal and that is why I have come so far and changed my whole life. But I rather have a real women in real life, than porn. That will be my next step. I had lots of sex with prostitutes, in swingerclubs and sexparties. I was just insecure, afraid for intimacy, to let women be close to me etc. (Porn fueled all of those problems) and that's why I went there. But I don’t want that anymore. I want to date women, learn lots of women and have healthy intimacy and sex. I want to cuddle with them, have them around me, laugh with them, look them in the eye, feel their body, their femininity. I just love women.

Having intimacy in real life rewires the brain from porn. That is what will work for the long term.

From the book The Porn Trap:

An approach that is powerful enough to compete with and prevail over porn is one that has the primary goal of being intimate with a real partner. Because porn sex is all about fantasy, the sheer authenticity of sexual intimacy with another person generates new and compelling experiences for most former porn users.

Intimacy-oriented sex, as we call it, provides a way to integrate the positive feelings you have about yourself and a current (or future) partner with sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm.

It makes it possible for you to focus on being present in a real human relationship and express genuine emotions. It honors conditions of healthy sexuality, such as responsibility, equality, respect, and caring. Nobody is exploited or gets hurt. The sex is shame-free because it is consistent with your overall beliefs, values, and goals in life.

Intimacy-oriented sex allows you to explore dimensions of sexual experience not possible with porn, such as whole-body sensuality, self- respect, trust, warmth, playfulness, laughter, nurturing touch, profound love, and spiritual connection.
 
Yeah everyone wants a girlfriend/ wife at some point. But how can you focus on a group of people when you are addicted to fucking your hand and looking at women you don't even know in a sexual way. To get a quality wife or girlfriend you have to focus on yourself and bang out the kinks. You can't improve yourself focusing on other people
 
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