Don’t Wanna Feel Trapped in This Anymore

Day 60 - hiccuped, but okayish

• Started my morning off rocky cuz my bf hadn’t texted me since he was busy & I started coming up with stupid scenarios of us not working out
• (this happens more often when I pms & there’s really not much truth to these scenarios at all)
• But that lead me to fantasizing bout that other person again, maybe 15 min
• Soon as I got up + outta bed, it was all great from there. Good day, saw my bf, & we were cool, loving.

Day 60...2 months... I’m happy w myself. Yeah I still fantasize, but dude... dude does it feel good not to feel like I have to succumb to my urges. It feels good not to have pmo on my mind 24/7. This is the beginning of LIVING. Stay strong friends!

 

Day 60 - hiccuped, but okayish

• Started my morning off rocky cuz my bf hadn’t texted me since he was busy & I started coming up with stupid scenarios of us not working out
• (this happens more often when I pms & there’s really not much truth to these scenarios at all)
• But that lead me to fantasizing bout that other person again, maybe 15 min
• Soon as I got up + outta bed, it was all great from there. Good day, saw my bf, & we were cool, loving.

Day 60...2 months... I’m happy w myself. Yeah I still fantasize, but dude... dude does it feel good not to feel like I have to succumb to my urges. It feels good not to have pmo on my mind 24/7. This is the beginning of LIVING. Stay strong friends!

 

Day 62 - thoughts about sex

• Thought about it + my bf + what we used to do + what I’d want to try in the future
• Found it kinda hard to concentrate in class
• Low energy

This pms

 

Day 63 - A DREAM! It’s been a while...

• As I went on with my morning, I remembered that I dreamt that I MO’ed. Like in my dream, I barely went down there for seconds & then MO.
• In my dream, I felt sorta defeated immediately...LIKE OH NO, my 60 days is gone like that & I wasn’t even conscious.
• Fantasizing up to maybe 10 min, but not longer thank goodness

Pre period makin me lil more crazy???

 

Day 66 - BLISS

I’m so happy dude.

• Today & yesterday I worked & that means go go go. Great to keep myself moving, like actually moving.
• Bf visited me at work yesterday.
• He came over today & we had dinner, ran a quick errand, & ate ice cream for sista’s birthday.
• All this was in a public space. Why is that important? Because usually I long for more. More alone time, more “intimate” time, more of that sexual stuff. But this weekend, I just really got to enjoy being around each other, conversing, joking, little love touches here and there. That’s what it’s about, not just S on my mind 24/7.
• Btw, I got my period so thank goodness. Craziness over.

Looking forward to hitting the 70s the coming week. Let’s go!!!

 

Day 68 - curious again

• Guess I’ve been watching sex ed vids & I’m curious to try things w my partner but that won’t happen for a while as we’re waiting til marriage for all that
• However, a part of me is curious. I could still try other things on my own

It’s not time yet
I’m not ready to go back to MO
I haven’t reached 90 days yet, but what happens after that??...

 

Day 70 - Happy but in need of answers​

• BEST energy today - felt invincible during water polo (even tho I was really sick & drained Monday)
• Didn’t even have to nap (that much energy)
• Was super excited to see bf
• Yoga, dinner...
• Then we made out (no S) & stuff...closest I’ve been to O’ing in 70 days. Didn’t O (I kind of stopped myself before anything more could happen), but sensitivity in responding to partner has gone up.

Here’s my question: no pmo
Means no O, even from partner...right??

I really want to be successful in this reboot/rewiring process

 

Thanks for the wisdom & welcome. Truly hope this forum can be used as a tool to help you

 

Day 71

• Fantasizing & thinking about last night.
• No urges though

Gotta move on and forward

 

Day 72 - exercise vs ...not doing anything​

• Went to gym for 1st in 4 weeks
• It was AWESOME
• Realized again that doing something active takes my mind of pmo, fantasizing, etc

I keep thinking bout wednesday’s intimacy still & at such inappropriate times & situations

Natural is one thing, but I gotta be just as focused as before

Practice
Intention
Repeat
Rewire

 

Day 74 - Girl Talks to Her Boyfriend​

• Took 30+ minutes to get out of bed + stop fantasizing
• Can’t focus lately
• Thought about going to Chapel to refocus, but teaching my kids today took my mind off MO + fantasizing
• GOT the courage to talk to my bf about it
  • I told him that Wednesday was great, closest I got to O since I started no pmo, but since then I find it super hard to focus & my mind is on it a lot & I’m trying to hit at least 90 days & see how I’m feeling then
  • Makes him feel lil awk at first I’m sure talking about this, but it’s like dang, on my mind a lot & I want us to be able to talk about it without feeling awks eventually
• Feeling better after wanting to talk about it with him since Wednesday, feeling lighter
• More determined

 

Day 75 - Admitting Face to Face the Fact that We’re Trying Not Get Stuck with PMO ish is WOW​

• Effective!
• Productive day (did hw even tho at one point my brain wanted to turn to mush and MO, but didn’t)
• Was active & felt GREAT about it
• Little to no fantasizing today, feeling super free after talking to bf bout it yesterday

 

Day 79 - Almost

• Fell asleep from 7-10pm so i had trouble sleeping
• Mind just went to fantasizing & I could feel my down there responding to it
• Really almost lost it completely last night, urge + just wanted to MO to sleep
• Didn’t end up MOing but dang

 

Day 89 - Almost for Everything

• hey guys, been doing okay
• lot of studying/work for test, project/presentation this week & I am stoked to get all that over with
• last weekend with boyfriend was good but I didn't have any urges
  • I mean, yeah it's a good things the urges aren't there to control me
  • but I kind of wanted to be intimate even though I wasn't really into it
  • made the time a little robotic
  • no PMO tho, nothing of the sort
• fantasizing has gone downnnn, moreso because I told my friend I was having trouble not thinking about other guy
  • in-person accountability is insanely effective

Anyway, I can't believe I'm right there.

 

Day 90 - Can You Believe I Made It?​

• I honestly didn’t think I had it in me. Never did I imagine to go even a month without MO.
• What did I learn/get out of this?
  • I don’t need to MO.​
  • It's not necessary for me to satisfy my urge right away or through that way.
  • I’ve lived through life without O for 3 months!! I almost feel invincible LOL
  • OF COURSE it would be nice, but I’m not dying without it; I’m not dependent on it.
  • Before, I felt like I NEEDED it, like it will help get me through the day/whatever. But that's not true
• Reality check
  • It’s not always easy; there will be a rough week every so often (maybe cuz of my period)
  • I’m still fantasizing & I’m still trying to work on it
• What now?
  • I’m going to still do no pmo best I can because I don’t want to waste too much/any time fantasizing.
  • A friend had told me to not pmo ever again if I could help it, so we’ll see.
  • Goldjacketluke (check out his YouTube if you haven’t) is like on Day 540 so that’s really inspiring

Anyway, keep going guys! Break free from those chains! Rewire ourselves to become closer to becoming the best version of ourselves & a happier one at that!