Done with the black hole of porn

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by OutsideZenCO, Aug 16, 2017.

  1. OutsideZenCO

    OutsideZenCO Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. I've always likened porn usage to this trip down a black hole, how it can become consuming and lead to searching for more and more, just to find that same dopamine rush. Have lurked on here long enough to know that's not a feeling exclusive to myself. I'm a porn addict and I'm here today to say I'm done. I have to. For me. My mental health and well-being.

    So how did I get here? It's complicated. I first looked at Playboy when I was 10, found my dad's stash. Got caught and reprimanded. When I started college high-speed internet was just becoming a thing. I spent night and day online trolling for porn. I ignored and ruined friendships and relationships because of it. I experienced a traumatic event that first year in college that I've come to realize led me into this spiral and use porn as a coping mechanism in place of real connection and intimacy. I wasted my 20s to it. I'm now 37.

    It's been too long and ends now. I've started counseling this year to help cope and to
    work on my relationships. The ironic part of it is that in my professional life, I'm extroverted, connect easily with others but then retreat toward this black hole when I'm not there. My partner knows about my struggle now, but it didn't come easy. She caught me several times, dismissed it before but began to understand how bad it was. She's been incredibly supportive but that only goes so far. I have to do the work. Hope to share and talk more about this with you all.

    I've tried quitting more times than I can count, probably the longest I've gone is maybe 14 days or so in the past 20years. Today's day 1. Hope to make it to day 2. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Let me know if I can help.
     
  3. Krtvdw

    Krtvdw Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hi @OutsideZenCO! I just read your thread and I can relate to you and your story so much!!! I came here, on 20 Jul 2017 and felt the exact same that you do now. Since then, I have gone past any personal bests in terms of staying away from Porn. But even more so, I feel much stronger, and able to stay away than ever before.

    Previously, I would start to slide and the battle would wear me down everyday, until I eventually give in.
    Now, just being here, Journalling everyday, learning about what Porn does or did to my brain and body and how that impacts relationships and self esteem etc has changed the game!

    My wife also knows, and have known for a while about my addiction. I have men at church that know, and friends that I have told in the hope that they could help. But, one of them understand this dark hole (Your title caught my attention), and hence they were unable to help me. Support yes, but help me get through this, unfortunately not. NoFap community is different. I have had conversations, comments and encouragement here more than ever before. This all contributes to the success and belief that we can live PMO Free forever, and don't ever have to look back. Thousands of entries everyday, each of them an encouragement and a promise of the life we seek.

    I wish you all the best, and would like to connect and follow your progress.
    We are in different time-zones, but that doesn't matter. What matter, is that you find brothers to stand beside you and to fight this addiction.

    I'd encourage you to start a journal. Please let me know, as I'd like to follow it.
     
    OutsideZenCO likes this.
  4. OutsideZenCO

    OutsideZenCO Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the welcome. I'll let you know!
     
    Krtvdw likes this.
  5. OutsideZenCO

    OutsideZenCO Fapstronaut

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    @krtdvw It's encouraging to know someone else out can relate. My girlfriend is supportive but truly can't understand what it's been like nor do I expect her to. I've already told her I don't want the burden of accountability to fall on her. However, I am beyond grateful that I have a partner that is willing to stay by me through this. So I set up another page under the 30-39 tab that I guess could act as my journal. Unless there's a different place for that. Today was another good day, hope the streak continues and I can remain strong enough.
     
    Krtvdw likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     

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