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Don't be like this loser...

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Son_of_Iroquois, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    I came across this thread on a science forum:

    http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/page-1

    This guy is basically asking if there are any "scientific reasons" why he can't get a girlfriend. He says he's a 25 year old virgin, and has never had much contact with women. The thread goes up to 12 pages, with almost 232 replies, with everyone telling him pretty much the same thing: THE ONLY REASON IS YOU WILL NOT CHANGE.

    He says that he never goes out and tries to meet girls, never works on himself to get better etc. He just wants "reasons" why he's a failure.

    This guy is a perfect example of someone who doesn't want to accept responsibility for his own life, who want to create "reasons" why he can stay the same, stay lazy, cowardly, and mediocre. The only thing stopping him from what he wants is his own belief that he is a shitty person, which he says repeatedly in the thread.

    It's basically the same as asking: are there any scientific reasons why I haven't gotten a college degree yet, or climbed a mountain yet, or gotten a better job yet? And then turn around and say, "well, I'm not one to go and attend class, or I'm not the kind of guy to get out and walk up a hill, or, I'm not the kind of person who people want to hire, etc, etc, etc". Jesus, what a load of shit.

    Basic rule: IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, THEN TAKE ACTION, ANY ACTION, TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. IF NOT, THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

    And by the way, I'm not saying this guy is a loser because he's a 25 yo virgin. He could be a 50 yo virgin and be a winner, if he is happy with himself and is doing what he wants to do. The reason, and only reason, he is a loser, is because he refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and want to pass the buck off onto some other authority. He wants to get a GF, it's obvious from his post, but he will not recognise that it is HE who must make it happen. So, he is a loser.

    I tried talking some sense into him, but to no avail. Some people won't listen, and the fact is, they find it easier to be losers. They could do the work and become winners, but they're too lazy.

    Don't be like this guy. Instead, believe that you can achieve what you want, be willing to take risks and work for it, and know that YOU have the power within you to do it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
  2. Total idiocy man.

    Wow, ya stuff like this makes me wonder how some people can be so stupid. Or rather, just so uninformed, unintelligent, and naive.
     
    Son_of_Iroquois likes this.
  3. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I felt sorry for him at first and was trying to help him, but it quickly got really annoying and frustrating. I even invited him to come over to NoFap and be part of our community, but he says he's more of a "loner" who didn't "join clubs". I was like damn dude, I'm not asking you to leave your house or anything, God forbid, you can stay in your room behind your computer screen where you're safe. Fuck me.

    Anyway, it's a free country. Some people don't want help, they just want to feel good failing.
     
    Islanders190 likes this.
  4. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I understand exactly what you're saying. Some people are so stubborn, lazy, and unwilling to change that no matter how hard you try to convince them, they still won't do shit. It's frustrating, I know, but do this instead: Just focus your energy on people who actually do need your help and are WILLING to make a change for themselves, to put themselves in opportunities where they can meet women, and being the best version of who they are.

    If he's that much waste of a time, then don't even bother. At the same time, even though it's frustrating as hell, just understand the psychological conflicts that he deals with on a daily basis. He could have some mental health disorder (BPD) or something of that sort. These types of people have a hard time accepting reality, their flaws, their imperfections, and so on because of how they were brought up, how their biological makeup was created, their environment as a child, and so on.

    I'm not even afraid to say it, but I'm a 28 year old virgin, yet I still talk to more girls and have more confidence then he does. It's Weird. And he's complaining about his life? Are you serious? o_O I also remember last time on my thread that you told me to take more risks and put yourself out there to meet women. I followed your advice and it worked. More importantly, it takes a lot of hard work to build up that confidence to get there. Believe it or not, I used to have his mentality at one point in my life, but I decided to make a change for myself. And look at me now; I'm better off I would say. Anyways, just forget about that loser.
     
    Son_of_Iroquois likes this.
  5. Denzel889

    Denzel889 Fapstronaut

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    Excuses don't win championships... Winners don't have excuses, they have goals
     
  6. franco216

    franco216 Fapstronaut

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    To be fair, that's not necessarily true.

    From what I understand, there are just different perspectives on life. One is mostly focused on concecpts like free will, responsibility, accountability, making choices, and acting.

    The other perspective is more about observation, understanding, discovering patterns and laws, reflection.

    While it's certainly true that a healthy person makes decisions and acts, it is not true on the other hand that my free will trancends the laws of nature. So taking the passive stance is not always an indicator of weakness or "the wrong approach".

    That's my opinion at least :)
     
  7. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    If you want to change something, you have to take action. This is an unavoidable fact. Some kind of action must occur on the part of the individual to change their circumstances. Now, if a person is OK with their circumstances, then no action is required. "A body in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by a net external force." You can think of a person's life as being in a certain state of motion thanks to past events. That person has the option to either let it remain on its current trajectory, or disrupt that trajectory and move his/her life to another state, along a different path.

    What seriously annoys me is people like the guy I mentioned, who deep down want to change, but refuse to take any action, expend any effort, or take any risk to actually do so. Further, he is so pathetic and incapable that he solicits reasons from others about why his life is like that. He wants to have others throw him a psychological safety blanket so he can remain in his comfort zone. He HAS the tools. He may not get the hottest girl out there, but I guarantee you if he worked at it, he could meet some attractive girl who would like to be his girlfriend.

    I was in his position once. I was a virgin for a long time. Want to know how I changed? First, I believed that I could. Second, I took action everyday in alignment with my new belief. That was it. I talked to 5-6 girls everyday. At first I got rejected by every single one. But everyday my confidence would build more and more. And pretty soon I got laid. Within about 4 months of taking action, I met and seduced a pretty hot looking girl. The only reason this happened is because I got my ass out of the front door and had the balls to apprach women on a regular basis and STEP OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.

    See, the thing is, when you take an action, all that you are is now doing that action. See what I mean? Your entire being, your subconcious mind, all of your mental faculties, all of them are now re-forming around that new action in an intelligent manner. I don't care what it is. It could be tennis, or learning the stock market, or some other skill. When you DO something, things start to change deep down in your life.

    And if you don't do something different, then nothing will change.
     
    Nero_8 likes this.
  8. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think people should call others losers thats a,strong word. Confident and authentic men don't call otheres losers.I think that's one of the problems in our society people judge and label people he has alot of issues and I don't feel pity for him if he chooses to do nothing about his situation and expects a different outcome because of it. But to call him a loser I disagree with that label. A guy mentioned on here that he's a 28 year old Virgin I think there's nothing wrong there but what if I called him a loser because he's still a Virgin at 28 ? Labeling people needs to stop
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  9. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    That's a crucial point, and one I tried to address earlier. I'm not calling him a loser because he is a 25 year old virgin, nor would I call him a loser if he was simply asking for help and didn't know what to do, or if he was stuck. I am very hesitant to label anyone in a derogatory manner as I know the damage it can do to people already going through a hard time.

    People can be in really hard circumstances and not be losers. I know, I was one of those people. That is not what I mean. Nor do I label him that according to some pattern of society, i.e. he is this old so he should be that, he doesn't have x amount of money so he is that, etc. No, all that is bullshit.

    No, the reason I call him a loser, and have no qualms whatsoever about doing it, is because that is what he has chosen himself. He is the one who has chosen to be a loser. He has chosen to be a loser by accepting that he can never win or surmount his obstacles, and instead he seeks justification from others about how his state is "scientific" or natural.

    When a person consciously decides that they have no power to change themselves or make their life better, that is truly what it means to be a loser, and I feel no shame in calling him that. Just as I would have no trouble calling him a winner the moment he decides that he has the power and is the only one who can improve his own life. When you look at star athletes, or those who are succesful in business, or any kind of successful person, all of them will tell you that success WAS A CHOICE. That is, the mindset of taking responsibility for all the actions in your life and the result they produce is a choice. If this guy chooses to take his life back, then he will be a winner, until then, I call it like it is.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
    Dog the Gremlin Tamer likes this.
  10. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Awesome man. Really glad to hear about the improvements you have made and the risks you have taken to get there. It really is an amazing day when you wake up and realise that you have this power within yourself to move your life where you want it to be.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
  11. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I'm very glad you mentioned this post. Yes, I really over did it this time. I actually take back mostly everything I said earlier today. Sometimes people just get on my nerves when they complain about life and don't do anything. Believe me, I was a perfect example. I was the exact same definition of that guy, but at the same time, I wasn't really aware of what I was saying until you mentioned my post. Usually I'm a guy who supports others on Nofap, but today was not that day.

    Also about the virgin thing. I don't believe that just because you've been laid or the fact that you've never seen a vagina in your life makes you a loser or a winner. However, in a society like this, even if you were a virgin you would still be considered a loser. I think sex is overrated. Yeah it sucks being a virgin, but I don't let that stuff hold be back. I'm focusing on more important things: getting a full time job and my own apartment. I already have a college degree and my own car.

    If a person did call me a loser just because I was a virgin I would be pissed. But at the same time, I was brought into a cultural family where sex is the last thing on a son's mind. I was told to focus on your education, your career, and most importantly: yourself. If this happens, things will follow through. My father, being a Buddhist monk, would be ashamed knowing that I was some idiot having sex with multiple people. He raised me to be better than that.

    I know what I said was a lot, but I don't think anyone should call themselves or anyone else a loser just because they're a virgin. I have more confidence in myself than I did years ago. Furthermore, I'd rather be that virgin who is on the right path, knows what he wants in life, and is willing to do what it takes to succeed than that dumb ass who impregnated many women as if he was Genghis Khan. All in all, most people would hate themselves, but thankfully, I've gotten used to the fact that I am a virgin and just focus on myself. Besides, I'm saving it for the right one.
     
    The |E|volutionary likes this.
  12. The |E|volutionary

    The |E|volutionary Fapstronaut

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    Have to chime in. New user, on my streak. The usual stuff.

    Self-improvement is a lonely path if it's done correctly. Yes, you might have some social avenues of improvement, but the actual struggle is just you against everything else. When I had my epiphany and embarked on my monk mode improvement journey, I wanted to share my new-found positive energy with everyone that would entertain me, as I didn't have anyone to dig me out, so the least I'd do was be the person I never had for myself. But after a series of some events (someone from years ago came back into my life; people at work showing their hindparts, unhealthy 'family', etc) I learned that you can't make anyone want better for themselves. It doesn't matter what you say or do, because most people lack the awareness to take a good, hard look at themselves and decide that they are the problem.

    I'm on a forum full of people like that. No, it isn't this one. It's another one entirely. These members are all men middle-aged or pushing middle-age, and they still wonder why they can't get what they want, and blame entire populations of people for it. When you try hinting that they might be the issue, they combat you with accusations of being a troll, being a member of the collective borg, of being a certain "ethnic" (really religious, not ethnic) group. Anything to avoid looking at themselves in the mirror. Thankfully, I never went through that phase to an extreme level, and I pulled myself out of the abyss before it got serious. Negativity is cancerous, but it is the cancer that kills you softly. It's comfort. It's what you're used to. Improvement usually comes with some hard decision or sacrifice, and they say the best decisions are never easy. As for the fellow in question, I wouldn't say he's a loser. Not yet. But he is getting there, and will definitely be one if he continues into a certain age and posting on forums about it. Like other posters here have said: His lack of sexual prowess is a non-issue. I always found the idea silly. Sex is not tied into manliness, and not having sex as a male does not make you a loser or "gay" (how that works I don't know). So no, that isn't the issue. It's the WHY that is an issue, and the WHY is what he isn't willing to fix.
     
  13. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Don't look at him a as a loser in the general sense that we all grew up knowing what loser meant (ie "hey that kids a loser, look at him" type crap). Look at it as either a winner or loser. By not taking action in his life and blaming others for the downfalls he seems to have that by default makes him a loser, because there's only two choices, and winners sure as fuck don't blame others for their failures and they go after what they want in life, bettering themselves so that they eventually reach their goals.

    So yes, in that sense, the guy linked by the OP is a loser.
     
  14. Aces

    Aces Guest

    Science damn you!
     

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