Dont become me...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Overforme, Aug 1, 2019.

  1. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    I've been lurking here for some time now. I see guys who still have hope. I know it's over for me now. I've been at the PMO game for over 25 years. I used to fap to climax 5-7 times a day in my prime. This was in my early 20s. I'm going to be 36 in a few weeks. This habit finally destroyed me. I suffer daily now with constant anxiety, depression, fatigue, back tension and pains, no motivation, and barely any sexual desire anymore towards women. My appetite sucks, digestion awful, sleep all broken up, friends and family I alienate as much as possible so they dont see me suffer. My hormones are shot, my blood pressure 180 over 120 constantly. I feel death knocking on my door. I have accepted it. I'm making this post so that maybe itll wake people up that still can become something. I was very intelligent, creative, hard working, had goals... it's just not possible for me anymore to achieve. I have enough money saved and itll probably last me before I die. I'm estimating I have less than a year left. I've accepted it. I messed up big time. I just couldnt stop PMOing until exhaustion. Hopefully this scares 1 person straight. Dont end up like me. I am a big loser. 2 failed serious relationships, a young kid I made that is moved away from me, a life I wasted. I did a lot of hard drugs too. Point is we only get one life. Live it to the fullest. Be a good strong man. I wish I could go back in time knowing what I know now. It's been my one wish. I swear I would have never started PMO at age 10.
     
  2. captainteemo

    captainteemo Fapstronaut

    Its never to late to change my friend the brain can adapt to not whatching porn again trust me there are study's done to prove that. You are 36 that not that old. Try to read the book your brain on porn and find some motivation to stop.

    Do you whant to spend the rest of your life on PMO or spend it next to your wife and childeren with a positive mind.

    Best of luck on your journey my friend whe only fail when whe start to give up.
     
    Goatmastergreatone likes this.
  3. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    You wont die mate but you need serious help. you need to believe in yourself. seek god.

    Also thanks for the wake up call, I am gonna do this for my future. no going back now
     
    Enwar, Goatmastergreatone and miXhal like this.
  4. ReLvr

    ReLvr Fapstronaut

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    Don't give up on yourself man. I'm probably in the same boat. I'm 48 and this I know has ruined my life. But your brain right now, along with all that's going on, is vulnerable to this thinking. That's all it is. Focus on productivity, helping others, even if it means its next to impossible. Why not spend your little energy for good and believe in yourself - if you're religious then go that way but don't spend time alone and occupy your mind with things that will give you more self respect.

    This addiction gave me diabetes, destroyed my career, severed any hope of a meaningful relationship and pretty soon I'll be broke and will have to basically live on the road to survive. You have a son and that alone is worth fighting for. Giving up now will be giving in. Going to bed at night is what I dread because I know my mind wont stop. I can be standing at the line at a grocery store and start crying.

    But you know what, FUCK IT, its not YOU, it doesn't define you. My self respect, my worth as a man is not measured by my mistakes but what I do in response. The fibre of your spine is being tested and knowledge and love is what's going to save you. The Universe (or God) will provide you with opportunity to go beyond yourself. In your case, its your son. With me, it was my diabetes and my sister's diagnosis of cancer while she was going through a divorce. I was there for her, I focused on the day to day, to help her and in that process I learned that I am more of a man than I realized. I reversed my diabetes through learning and applying. I am taking a shitty job now, that's OK. It is what it is. You are still young and you have plenty of time to redefine and fix your life. A catastrophe will either break you or you will break out. CHOOSE to break out - its an opportunity to go far beyond what you can imagine. Diabetes was actually a blessing in disguise for me.. it was a sanity check to get my shit together. At 48. I am single and broken but I am not hopeless.

    Go beyond yourself my friend and take it day to day. The pain, the hardship, everything WILL improve. But don't let this fucking thing beat you.
     
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  5. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Get in person support. As you pointed out isolation is an issue, you can still turn it around but don't just go with online posting. Get the right medical care and maybe some coaching.
     
    Enwar likes this.
  6. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    That's not an attitude to have man. I can tell you my story. I indulged in hours long binge PMO sessions on daily basis (can't even tell how many O I had per day bu A LOT) for nearly 2 decades. I needed to hit rock bottom (PIED, clinical depression/social anxiety, partner left me, lost bloody good job because of having mental breakdown, buried my parents, all happening in less then a year) to stop. I was nervous anxious depressed 37 yo wreck seriously contemplating thought how to kill myself. Yet I was able to turn my boat around by giving myself a last chance to fight, and so can you.

    Visit a doc and ask him if you're medically healthy enough to become physically active. If yes start your recovery immediately. Begin with tiny steps in the right direction and slowly build up on your progress. Don't be afraid to seek professional help if it's accessible.
    Here's the program, I try to follow. You have to find a program that suits you best, but maybe you can find something useful in it for you:
    Aug 8, 2018 -> https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hopeless-case-searching-for-hope.187822/
    https://www.docdroid.net/dg3p/depre...on-without-drugs-the-steve-ilardi.pdf#page=18 (free pdf version of Illardi's E-book)
    https://www.amazon.com/Depression-C...tephen+Ilardi&qid=1564681496&s=gateway&sr=8-1

    Also a YT channel I follow.
    Man was a heavy opioid addict and alcoholic for 35 years, literally coughing blood waiting to die alone in his dark room. He didn't accept his faith and managed to turn his life around. He's clean more than 3 years now, healthier and mentally more stable than ever. His advices on recovery and life in general are pure gold. Watch his videos and learn. You can even ask him for help, he always responds and tries to help:
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZWNH10D7ztlDASSApHTzZg

    But first and foremost, start believing in yourself. You have more than half a life still ahead of you. YOU CAN AND WILL BREAK FREE!
    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Being a prisoner of your past will always keep leading you back to addiction. I share how i became free in 4 stages.:


    1. Let go of the pain -> you have a choice
    2. express the pain -> journal it, write it down, talk to friend/priest/family/ counselor about it
    3. Focus on the presence -> don't think of the past
    4. Forgive them and forgive yourself
    ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
    Tao Jones likes this.
  8. Ravefist

    Ravefist Fapstronaut

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    WHat can you say to a person like me, age 21, who is trying (nat as hard as he should be) to end this habit. I used to be great in school and life. Ever since I transferred to a new school, I started mild fapping, like once or twice a month, then increased to 4-5 times a month. Since last year, I have fapped 44 times. Just this past 3 weeks I have had two binging sessions where I fapped 5 times in consecutive order.

    Man, I believed that this was killing me, ruining my spirit and essence, yet I fell into the trap and feel like Im kind of broken, with no feelings anymore. I wish I could go back in time too.
     
  9. ReLvr

    ReLvr Fapstronaut

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    At your age, I understand the drive to fap, to look at porn. Frankly, I feel for you young guys. Sounds like you need to re-tool your life somewhat and work towards a future.

    Learn about setting goals, understanding purpose and realizing where you want to go in life. Humans tend to worry about outcome/results without understanding or measuring the "doing" part. You're counting the number of fapping, which is Ok, but really your effort and focus should be on the work to get to a goal.

    So, pick an area of your life you want to improve, set a goal and translate those goals to habits and count and monitor those habits. Think of losing weight, people usually just weigh themselves every week and get bummed out about the number they see on their scale. What they should be doing is tracking the exercise, the diet, the sleep very vigorously and being looser on the weight value. That's the goal setting, which gets you busy with the right habits. Your alone time is another areas I'd start to measure- don't be alone, try and be busy and social. Working on the right things, no matter hard, will make you feel better. And remember, it takes about 2 weeks to form a new habit so at first, just worry about getting to that two week part. GET BUSY

    The other area is social. You're in a new environment with new people. I'd start by joining groups or clubs just to get you around people and be busy. I think you'll find that simply spending time around people will help. What I've done is join a mountain biking group. Its social, active, outdoors and doesn't require that I hold a vigorous conversation with people I don't know but it requires that I be "normal", which helps.

    All of this will occupy your mind/body, re-focus on good things and give you confidence. Good for you for even knowing this is a problem. At your age, you should be proud that you are looking to change. Feel free to use me as support.
     
    Enwar likes this.
  10. ReLvr

    ReLvr Fapstronaut

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    thank you for introducing me to this YouTuber and the Wim Hof method. I tried the breathing exercises last night and was astonished. It makes a lot of sense and if it does actually impact the immune system and inflammation then this is truly life saving.
     
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  11. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    I am 22 im sick of excuses for myself no mercy this has been kicked and im not intending to go back
     
    Enwar likes this.
  12. miXhal

    miXhal Fapstronaut

    Then you know very little. With Jesus, nothing is impossible. But I know that it feels like that without Him - I was at this point as well. Alone, by ourselves we have no chance to get rid of this addiction for good. We need help. And this is the most reliable help you can ever find. See my journal where I´ve published my story for some encouragement, if you wish :)
    Giving up all efforts is wrong. Giving all to Christ is what can help you even in the darkest pit of life. God bless you man, I pray that you will find the right path and get better!
     
    Enwar likes this.
  13. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Pull yourself together, dude. It’s never to late to change. Stop being so dramatic and start to piece yourself together. Get a healthy routine, eat well, work out and find some friends.
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  14. OnTheEdge

    OnTheEdge Fapstronaut

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    At least you've realised what has gone wrong, which means you can begin to put things right. I started the nofap battle early this year. It's amazing how in the years before that I just accepted my fate. I felt that suicide was my destiny and I just had to accept it. I can't say I've made massive progress since but at least I have realised that my 'destiny' wasn't necessarily true and didn't have to be the case.
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  15. scarecrow1

    scarecrow1 Fapstronaut

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    Before you kill your self I think you should do something less drastic such as getting rid of your devices. You know you have that option right?

    There must be something more going on here. Please see a doctor ASAP as you seem to be in a bad place.

    I’m wishing you well and hoping you show up again with a better story to tell
     
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  16. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    You're only 36. You can still do this and turn your life around. Let this post be the post that scares you into taking action. If you're going to be dead in a year you might as well give it your best shot
     
  17. NIKIKS

    NIKIKS Fapstronaut

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    Wish you will be better and thanks for your remind
     
  18. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    For those that say try and get better .. I have to no success on several occasions. I've battled for long. The last several months I have battled to just stay a little sane. This is the absolute worst it can get. This post didnt need people to tell me to pull it together and needed cheerleaders. This post was to serve purpose to help those before they reach my point..the point of no return. For those that said thanks for the reminder without adding their 2 cents, I wish you well. For the get up and goers and cheerleaders...you arent on my level.
     
  19. Ravefist

    Ravefist Fapstronaut

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    So whats your next move, then? Like, what are you going to do next?
     
  20. soldier407

    soldier407 Fapstronaut

    Broski you are suffering from nihilistic delusions, a not-so-rare complication to chronic melancholic depression GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST IM SERIOUS
    I know what I am talking about, I know what I've seen in your post, please trust me
    You can tell the doctor that it's over, if he can't help you, then you have my blessing to give up.
    Please, go see a psychiatrist, or at least a therapist, they know things that you don't...
     

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