Today I had to stop myself from harming myself. I mean, I wasn't even that depressed. I was just angry. Angry at the world and I wanted the world to suffer. So the best thing that came to mind was to buy bottles of booze, a big knife and enough pills to kill an Elephant. But then I came to my senses again and started asking myself what the fuck I am doing on my way to the railroad track with bottles of booze. I called the emergency hotline but hung up because what I was about to do just sounded too stupid. Then I walked back home and now I am a little worried. I have no idea what happened. I just snapped without any particular reason. I am not even sure if I knew what I wanted. It was as if I wasn't even there. Something else was in control of me for a little while. I guess if I snap like this again tonight, I am calling some hotline. I am not sure what this is but apparently you can be suicidal without really being depressed which is scary.