dont know what to do.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by PJT, Jun 10, 2019.

  1. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so I have been talking to this girl for about a month now and we have been going out a lot to bars and what not. No real formal "dates" but by the end of the nights I find myself a little tipsy if not fully drunk as herself and we kiss or makeout or what have.

    Today she said we should hang out late night tomorrow; probably at her place. The thing is, I have been getting a boner nearly non stop just thinking of this girl. I guess this is a good thing, but I am afraid that I will just precum/ejac almost on touch at this point. I have no way to just calm myself down and I figure that if we even get to sex, it will be very short and quick for me and most likely embarrassing. i do want to tell her the truth about my lack of dating life and the whole NoFap thing but still I don't know when the right time is. I've never really had a mature convo about sex with a girl before let alone someone I want to do it with. In my mind, with this girl, it plays out very natural but no actual talk about the sex beforehand, it just happens. I feel that I should say something before hand though. I don't want to let her hopes up and then plummet them and don't want to feel ashamed myself.

    Any kind of advice for this predicament would be helpful.

    Thanks.
     
    Johnny13 likes this.
  2. First of all, don't be intimidated by what might happen. Go for it.

    I'll also let you know that sex rarely happens the way you describe. It shouldn't really just 'play out naturally'. That's a porn thing, and it can lead to disappointment in the end. In order for sex to be fulfilling, you have to have an open conversation so both of you know what the others needs and wants are. That's an important step.

    If you feel like you need to, go ahead and bring it up. The worst thing that could happen is she might not want to do it that time, but even then you would be saving both of you the hassle and disappointment if it didn't work out.

    A lot of guys masturbate before they go to have sex so that they last longer, and don't just immediately cum. I don't know if that would be something that you're open to or not. Obviously I'm not encouraging it in general, but I think that it could be useful if you really want to avoid ejaculating too quickly during sex.

    Hope this helps. Good luck, man!
     
    PJT likes this.
  3. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your response. Okay so its all starting to be more clear and you are right, this isn't a porno and I shouldn't even want to let it just happen all naturally like that anyway. I have to find a way to open the conversation a bit about what she likes and how I fit into it all. Hopefully she will be understanding and open to what I have to say as well as me to her needs. I do want to make this work out, this I know.

    As far as masturbating beforehand, i did think of this but feel it's the wrong move for me. It will ultimately open me up to potential worse habits and that is not something I can afford at this time. But then again, just the thought of being next to this girl is turning me on at this point. I need to find a way to calm down and not get too excited. It makes me think that my recovery is not complete even though I have had a good streak thus far aka the longest one I have ever had. On the positive side atleast I am expressing my feelings somewhere, even if it not be directly to the girl, but I am describing my feelings and not just trying to act on them in an immature way. I'll see how these next few days go. A friend of mine i talked to said to just progress every day. Like do a little something more every day with her. I suppose part of having sex is to talk about it so maybe that is my next step.
     
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  4. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

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    Just clap her cheeks for consecutive rounds, she'll probably be impressed by an immediate round 2
     
  5. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I like the profile pic...one of my favorites out now I'm with her now just vibing to some music
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  6. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Okay not trying to brag but she gave me head and exactly like I thought I busted on like 1 minute . She swallowed and kept going like she kept going for a while and I was scared I'd go completely limp. I called an Uber before we went at it so eventually me and her decided I look at my phone And the Uber was outside thankfully because I was about to go completely limp. I walked outside and missed the Uber . Was kinda scared to go back upstairs to her place because I wasn't really ready to go at it again. I went up there and we made out but I called another Uber and he showed up immediately so I left.

    Idk what to think of this experience . I'm happy I'm disappointed at the same time.

    I went tho and called another Uber we made out again. This all happened like 20 mins ago and I'm still not ready for round 2. This is what scares me. The time in between I guess. I just feel like I bust quick and I'm not ready to go at it again and on top of that I don't know what to do in between and once I am ready I'll bust quick again . Basically all this no fapbis not fixing my ed
     
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Why do you believe that your ability to last longer and have more frequent erections is equal to your self worth?

    Why do you believe that penetration with your penis is the best method to satisfy her?

    Basically, you're way too concerned about yourself.

    You can't keep running away like that if you want her to stay in your life.
     
    Peace467 and Kiz Whalifa like this.
  8. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your questions first and foremost:

    Why do you believe that your ability to last longer and have more frequent erections is equal to your self worth?
    A: When I started my nofap journey it was mainly because I wanted to go after women in the sense that I wanted to not be shy and timid around them. I felt in the beginning that I was just satisfied staring at P which acted as a safety valve in my mind when I went out or if I came across a girl who i liked and who may have like me. I was scared to go out on a limb and put myself out there. Then one day I stumbled out of a bar and this girl took me back to her place and in my state I suffered from ED. At that time i didn't know what was happening. I realized soon thereafter that more than likely i was suffering from porn induced ED. My frame of mind changed, I added the ED issues to the list of what I want to accomplish through nofap.

    Sometimes i feel like, im 35 yrs old with little to no sexual experience. People like me they laugh with me but ultimately they can come to the conclusion that I am weird and that once they see how little I know of what i'm doing physically, they can reject me and ultimately my feelings will get hurt.

    I don't think that penetration with my penis is the best way to satisfy her, and thank you for asking this question because if you asked me this last week or prior I would have thought different. I am humbly saying that I'm just starting to understand women and their desires and what they are looking for in men. My mind has been so deluded with porn since age 15 that i'm not seeing a good woman's intention. She calls me she likes to talk to me she compliments me, and I try to do the same. I don't really know what I'm doing but I am enjoying my time and I see that I'm trying to build something with my actions with other people. I've only had myself to concern myself with the past 5-6 yrs since i started living on my own. My world is small. I live in a studio, walk 2 blocks to work every day and ride my bike like a mile to get to the gym. I even skaetboard in the parking lot of my apt for amusement or can just walk right outside to a bar for adult entertainment/drinks. I need to be bigger than myself. Last night I reported something because I was in the taxi and kinda unsure if i should have stayed or not. I mean i had work in the morning so it was best I left. I should be open with her and just speak my truth and i'm trying to build my courage to do so. Thank you again for your feedback, it's received and I hope I can put it to good use.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You can focus on what should have happened or how your life is supposed to be at this point of your life, but the important thing is that you're gaining the necessary experience now.

    Everyone has different circumstances. There's no point comparing your timeline to the timeline of everyone else's that they perceive to be "normal".

    Stop feeling like you need to catch up or rush things. All that worry and insecurity is just destroying the experiences that you're having now. This woman of yours isn't some tool to erase your anxiety about catching up to the rest of the world. She's someone that you're sharing your life with at the moment. She's not perfect and neither are you.

    It's okay that you don't have much experience / competence / confidence with this aspect of your life right now. You can continue to explore and learn with this woman.

    There's more ways to connect with another person than sex. Enjoy it. Explore it... but don't let your insecurities about it destroy everything else you have with her.
     
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  10. NikNakZombieWhack

    NikNakZombieWhack Fapstronaut

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    I know it seems really hard, but if you really have established an open dialogue between the two of you and can share other intimate and personal information, I'd strongly encourage you to broach the subject with her. I did with the girl I'm dating, and turns out she went through the very same thing in college, and had to quit and sell her toys.

    Point is, we know what we each are looking for, the kind of sex we want to have, and through exploring each other and openly communicating, we know what our limits are. It's worth having the conversation! Have a little faith in her, and yourself. She's clearly interested.
     
  11. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I'm not really sure what kind of sex I want tbh. Or what that really means. She has shared some details about her and some issues she deals with. I wouldn't say that I'm quiet but I don't normally reveal much of myself and what I think politically or past experiences. I am getting there though and have an additufe like I will share but I'm not going to bring it up myself. I'm working on bringing these things up myself bc I want to be open and have people see the real me and keep it real with me.

    Hopefully we continue to progress . I dropped a corny line to her on text earlier and haven't heard back yet lol. I wish I wasn't so sensitive to it .
     

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