Don't let 'Loneliness' label permit you the license to set in self pity

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by OSU32, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    Eyy gents, just wanted to hit an important piece of a trap many fall in when they sign up for 'Loneliness' help.

    For whatever reason ( I've got some clues, but I will share another time), many of us cure loneliness with isolation - who does that? us! I've never spent time isolated, thinking & concentrating on 'My problems', then walked away FEELING BETTER lol. If anything, excessive concentration on ME, makes me feel much much worse. Giving a verbal report & puking (we all always feel better after puking) my feelings, my insecurities, my fears and inadequacies MAY help give perspective, but just puking in itself is futile. I only share this with you from a position of wisdom + experience - I've watched (and did it myself) guys try to comfort each other on these forums by giving each other 'feel good strokes, such as: you're valuable man, just keep thinking positive, don't beat up on yourself', and with the best of intentions, they are hurting rather than helping. It takes a lot of work to go face to face with life and really stand up straight without letting life beat you down, BUT it takes real sweat work. Don't just puke it, reach out to guys with real experience and wisdom and ASK what action can be taken.
     
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  2. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it's lame enough when women do that and you know the people giving these 'feel good strokes' are really doing it for themselves ("that guy is like me so if I praise him I can indirectly praise myself too!") Or they talk some guy out of suicide, loudly give themselves a pat on the back and then forget about that poor fucker.
     
  3. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    True dat Himmelstoss!
     
  4. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    I completely agree with this topic. You can suffer because you are "lonely", but its a choice to stand still and do nothing about it, or take action and be responsible for Yourself.
     
  5. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    You completely missed the point I was trying to make.
     
  6. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    @himmelstoss , dude you don't need to defend yourself - telling someone the truth may ruin their day, but it might save their life! Letting them live in this dreamy wonderland of 'if I just complain about my problems enough, THAT will fix it! Delusional! When did giving a verbal report on my despair, hopelessness, and pity become the only solution to solving it? I'm not saying sharing isn't helpful, but people mistake sharing for 'the work' that is required to move passed their issues. Comforting someone may take their mind off their problems, but until they readily accept that challenge to fix it, they will return to the same problems over and over. Too many dudes get gender roles confused by becoming too sensitive, and politically correct.
     
  7. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    Proved my point exactly!

    Dude means dude. Putting psychological (do you mean gender, biological, social, etc) crap aside, too many guys have mistaken living in their head/feelings as normal - it's not. And when we become overly-sensitive, it's an effeminate characteristic which is unattractive to everyone (but especially the opposite sex)!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2015
  8. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    We all can spot the over-sensitive - 'scale' is irrelevant when it's obvious! Opinion doesn't make a statement less valid. Unless a female is a Lumberjack who enjoys a submissive, passive male other-half, I'd say common sense prevails and women like (mostly respect) men. You could take a poll (for example, use Google... ), or scan through actual experience & allow real-world truth to be the reality barometer. Many reports justify one's agenda, and everybody can find some research/article to back their play. It's a way to ignore what's real! People use information (and I have done this many times!!!!!) to psychologically comfort themselves, it's a ploy to hide from the work that's required to improve.
     
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  9. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    You don't need a scale, you just need to ask yourself who you would want to save you from a burning building (hint: it's not the 135lb guy who "treats girls nice")
     
    OSU32 likes this.
  10. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    I put "treats girls nice" in quotes for a reason
     
  11. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    i think it's important to be sensitive. i've taught to kids and one professor was very mean to the kids. you could say that she was tough woman but i'd rather be the one to whom my kid can talk of his/her problems instead of building an image that makes my kid fear me.

    the 135 lb guy may save the woman from the burning building but
    the doctor could be sensitive who performed the heart surgery on the woman
    the film director could be sensitive who made a movie that the woman enjoyed

    and the guy who set the building on fire could also be a 135 lb guy who had anger issues. i've seen plenty road rage incidents, street fights...it's ridiculous the way 'tought men' and 'tough women' shout and yell and use slaps. it's also sad to watch. its like these guys are proud of saying: 'i beat up this guy, i silenced him with my fist. no one can win in a debate with me.'

    talking is important as that will take you to the next step. unless you reveal the issue, others wouldnt be able to know what's the problem.

    regarding talking alone wont help...here its important to make sure you're talking to the right person. like if there's depression n anxiety then a therapist would be more helpful than an oncologist.

    and one can also be sensitive and tough. like(stereotype example) the guy who writes poems or indulges in gardening and pottery can also be a bike enthusiast. we just have to wear different hats at different times.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2015
    ICleansedMe likes this.
  12. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    Stop missing the point ya'll. dang. Ya'll hijacked this thread and made it about something away from OP! Nobody cares about what defines sensitivity or a 'man'. Point is, don't stoke people when they need honest input! WE hurt more people's chance at changing by avoiding telling them something that may hurt their feelings, BUT save their life.
     
  13. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I've met people who do social work just to feel good about themselves. at times even i acted likewise. to reduce my guilt for any mistake.
    it can be difficult to live with someone who whines all the time. i've whined also and been with a whiner, n now i realize it was difficult in both cases. but it also depends on the relation with the person.
    if my kid is whining, i'd look into the matter...if i knew i didnt have patience then i wouldnt have kids.
     
  14. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    There's a grain of truth in what @tiredofmyself mentioned. Many who join the helping profession (social workers, counselors, psychiatrist ) are broken themselves. Going to school and increasing their education, plus trying to fix others, are both inadvertent attempts to repair themselves. I work in the field and have the experience to validate the claim. No, they're not all driven by that motive, but many of em are.
     
  15. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    @Dev-abc yeah you're right, i cannot ascertain their motive.

    i think there are no absolutes. i wouldnt want to be at the extreme end of 'toughen up, dude.' like the kind who thinks he can fix every problem, the guy who says 'get over it', 'i have no regrets', 'i've always achieved what i wanted.' i was that guy once and now realize i was just a liar.

    regarding people(including me) who constantly complain of their loneliness, it could be they've got munchasen syndrome.

    maybe talking about issues to a therapist would be more helpful n if one doesnt want to go to therapist, like i dont, then self-help videos can help(they've helped me)

    its okay to be alone. society puts a huge pressure on us to be social, that
    many people must come to wedding
    many people must wish one happy birthday
    more facebook friends competetition
    to have 3 or 4 groups of friendss on watsapp
    to go out every weekend

    but it really is okay to be alone or have just 1 or 2 friends just as its okay to not enjoy chess or baseball. some people are good at chess, some people are good at making friends.
     
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