Dont want to live

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ProboyMate, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    I think I have seen you use every excuse in the book to confront your fears. I'm fine with being "weird". If some fucking cold showers, or anything else deemed "weird" is gonna help me from being a victim, and get out of my mind, so be it. My wife does the same shit I does now, she's okay with my weirdness, and I'm okay with hers. Fuck what they think, hell, fuck what I think. What the fuck is the point of conforming, if you are outright miserable?
     
  2. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    I do understand, I had an anxiety disorder like two months ago. Then, I realized that it was a choice, and there were many alternative methods of dealing with the "dis-eases". If it has nothing to do with outside influences, what are the inside influences? It WAS due to outside influences, you believed what you've heard long ago, and it subconsciously stuck with you. Question your beliefs. Be serious about this.
     
  3. chonky

    chonky Fapstronaut

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    The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, The second best time is now. If your actually serious and not trying to be an edgelord then seriously go to therapy it's expensive but absolutely worth it I do dont know what sort of situation your in but life is worth living and we gotta be grateful for what we have. Make decision to turn your life around, clean your room, eat good, exercise a bit, get a haircut anything. Good luck to you bruv.
     
  4. Todor

    Todor Fapstronaut

    Hey, friend,

    I read the beginning of your post here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/dont-want-to-live.240121/ and I know what you are talking about. I've also been through a lot of shit in my life and I can relate to what you are saying. I was raised in an abusive environment, my father used to beat me, my brother and my mother. I got involved in M very early in my life, had many difficulties in school, including problems with the girls, but also, stealing, violence, etcs. My parents never divorced, because my mother was too weak to take that decision, although she has tried that many times - I've witnessed all that myself.

    After I left home at 19, because of my father picking up on me for a painful break up with the love of my life at that time, my life took very difficult road - I took on a crappy job, where people abused me and I further sank into PMO. I've been having depression periods as far as I remember myself, but at the age around 22 up to a month ago, at age 35 now, I've had so many times of giving up, wanting to die, I've stopped eating several times, I've been into very dark places mentally.

    I'm writing you, because I've found the information that gave me hope that I'm not doomed to live my life like that my entire life and I should definitely do my best to see the lessons of the traumas I've went through. My journey has been long and painful, but I'm glad that I didn't end it prematurely.

    If you have time and want to read and watch some high quality video materials, which I posted just days ago, please follow the link here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-7300-days-pmo-over-365-days-pmo-free.164046/

    At age of 25 I had no resources and support as you do now, in this wonderful forum with really wonderful and genuine people. Stay here, read and look for your way out of this. It won't happen overnight, but if you manage to make sense of the suffering, it can elevate you more than anybody else out there, who's had less troublesome life.

    I can tell you that life is not about counting years, but about the gained experience. Regardless of how far ahead you go in your life, it should never be a comparison with the others, but a comparison with yourself before and after. A healthy way to look at other's achievements is only if this is inspiring for you and is not making you feel sorry for yourself. The only thing that matters is your personal growth!

    At this point I should tell you that because of the things you've been through as a child, there is an intense sense of unworthiness in you, which makes you experience the entire world around you as hostile, on top of the inner feeling of self-hatred and disgust of being who you are. I need to reassure you that this has nothing to do with who you really are, but it's only a byproduct of the abuse and the trauma.

    Write me anytime in p.m. if you want to talk to someone in private.

    Wish you trust in yourself,
    Todor
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  5. hormigonElaborado

    hormigonElaborado Fapstronaut

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    im 42 and just starting, if you are depressed because you are 25, whats left for me, that im 42 and trying to live for the first time..... where is the energy and attitude man?
    im probably gonna post about how i deal with things, im starting a course, this one
    https://www.creativelive.com/class/master-your-people-skills-vanessa-van-edwards

    im not affiliated with them... but i believe that this will help me.

    calm down, you are in time for tons of things... being desperate wont help.
     
  6. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Day 27.

    You are all unbelievably cool, some of you do not understand how crazy the thing they are doing. We are breaking the laws of nature. We can control our Instinct of reproduction. We are less than 1% of the world's population. Do not stop. "You're breathtaking".

    Thats what I read on reddit as soon as I opened my mac. Its really cool and motivating. But I think I am on a flatline again.
    Yesterday again filth got in my head and guess what without watching anything which could trigger an urge. My memories triggered my filth, more I recalled more dopamine I got. Well every one would have experienced some intimate moments with their opposite gender, so I think my dopamine deprived brain was triggering my urge by recalling my those memories, and that too by making them so vivid, to minuscule details. Thankfully it did not made my urges so potent, that I would be regretting my actions. But it made me mull upon my decision of this journey. I became skeptical whether I would be healed or not. Or I will fall into the trap again and at some point maybe on day 36th or 68th or 89th I will give up and then binge again to porn.

    Thats how harmones play with your brain. It makes you weak, so that you become vulnerable and you give up. I have made a regime, I am following it with dedication, discipline and a strong desire to make it to the other side. I will meet with these kind of depressed times when my brain will want a dopamine hit, I will confront some uncomfortable, embarrassing and failure moments which will make me more vulnerable for a dopamine hit, in those moments I need to stay strong and remember why I started this whole journey.
    DESIRE.
    THE STARTING POINT OF ALL ACHIEVEMENT IS DESIRE. KEEP THIS CONSTANTLY IN MIND.

    Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat. If you find yourself lacking in persistence, this weakness may be remedied by building a stronger fire under your desires.
    The above quotes were from this amazing book "Think and grow rich" by Napolean Hill which I recommend every one to read it at least three times. Why three times? Because then only the golden concepts of the book(in general, which everyone think they already know) will go deep in your subconscious mind and then you will start applying those concepts to elevate yourself.

    Today I would like to motivate myself and recall the day 0 of my journal so that the memory of my goal becomes more vivid and I stay on my path, also more fire is generated under my desires(goal), so that I become more strong with my decision to achieve my recovery and become a better human being in this overall journey of nofap.
    I would like to thank all the people those who care to even read my posts, cuz you are helping me by helping yourself.


    Read my other posts in my journal and comment on it if you like, it would be a boost in my confidence, to fight and finally achieve my goal.
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-streak-join-me-and-elevate-yourself.240120/
     
  7. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Day 28.

    "You Give is What You Get."-Les Brown


    Going extremely strong with my dedication, discipline and desire to go on the other side and become a responsible human being. Its like a dream coming true. Its like a feeling when you wake and you thought you missed your school bus, ohh snap you are 26year old graduate. Life is beautiful indeed and its looking beautiful as a result of my 3D's stated above, else I would be looking at filth every where by now. Now I am excited every morning to pass my day more efficiently unlike before. In next two days a major target number will be achieved which will boost my confidence through the roof and after that I have decided to add on some major exercises in my regime which will help channelize my excess sexual energy, else there will be always a chance to fall back into the filth.
    Yesterday night two times I saw some explicit content in my dream. But since I have not been watching any thing explicit the connection which my brain has with the filth is starting to loose, so even after having a boner and sleeping on my tummy I controlled my dreams and did not achieve any mental or real orgasm, no fluid excretion happened neither in my dream or in real. It was like I was saying to the maidens in my dream "sorry ladies I am on nofap". Indeed a good sign. I have realized that once you start your journey you have the option in your brain to have the filthy thoughts(&enjoy) or say no(Iam not supposed to be thinking like that), if you control those thoughts you can win over and control your subjective mind, thats what I did.
    Now, two days after today after I would have achieved 30successful days of nofap, I know that I can control my subjective mind, albeit I will be in need to utilize the accumulated excess sexual energy, else this energy might become a potential threat to a relapse. I need to be prepared. I have few plans in mind. Physical and mental activities I am already doing, I need to add on few more things.
    I read about Sex Transmutations in this amazing book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill. I don't know much about it, but I will figure something out and will add it here if something concrete comes out. Till then I want to reach a bigger audience and revert to their kind replies on my posts, so that I can help them in their journey. This is the root which every one should draw their motivation from. Thats how human race has flourished and will continue to flourish and prosper in the future. More people I am accountable to more 3D's(Desire, Discipline and Dedication) of mine will be bolstered and will help me to stay on my path to reach on my higher self. Thats what is the quote of the day.

    Read my other posts in my journal and find out my ups downs in the journey, you will learn a lot. Also comment on it if you like, it would be a boost in my confidence, to fight and finally achieve my goal.
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-streak-join-me-and-elevate-yourself.240120/
     
  8. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Day 29.

    I feel a little weak on knees today.
    You are what you say and definitely what you write. Yesterday I wrote the following quote.

    So today I had morning wood and again some beautiful maiden was with me in my dream and she was making love to me in the best of her capacity. Now I came into my senses and I wanted to wake up, but I didn't. I believe she was very good with her head. In short filth came over me and it was all over my brain, releasing dopamine when I was not in my senses. I did not achieve an orgasm. But I am meticulously revisiting my dream because I let filth win over me and I said to myself "enjoy" instead of waking up. Of course I woke up horny. This was a mistake, my mistake. I accept it, and I learn from it. Albeit, I boasted yesterday that I can control my subjective mind.

    A lot of reinforcement needs to be done, to make a strong foundation so it doesn't shake with minor quakes of filth. Then only I will become filth free. There is no shortcut to success, every day counts and everyday brings my other self closer to me. I want to remember my purpose again today that why I am on this journey.
    I need to travel to the other side. So that I become completely filth free, pristine headed. I must draw motivation from my purpose. I need to keep all my focus on the goal and not in the journey.

    I felt elated answering few questions by fellow fapstraunauts. This feeling shouldered me with more responsibility to hang in my journey with more dedication, discipline and desire to succeed, because my actions are accountable to my audience, so I need to make a good role model out of my behaviour. I request all those who are struggling with their journey to seek out help in the universe, universe will respond and help you elevate your level, cuz starting point of any achievement is desire. Stronger the desire stronger the chances to win.


    Read my other posts in my journal and find out ups downs I encountered in my small journey, you will learn a lot. Also comment on it if you like, it would be a boost in my confidence, to fight and finally achieve my goal.
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-streak-join-me-and-elevate-yourself.240120/
     
  9. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Day 30.

    CHEERS to the day.
    A major achievement in my streak, after what not I have left behind.
    I would like to thank this forum, every morning I came here and posted my feelings through my words and the vibes which I got in return first thing in the morning was simply amazing. Its like an online temple for me now. The energy of all the members of this forum really motivated me and helped me cut the filth out of my brain. Since all the members are abstaining form negativity so their accumulated positive energy can be sensed in their words. Thats the reason why people of different religion visit their pious place of worship, to get the vibes from that place which will subside their worldly pains, sufferings and instill in them hope, positivity, will power and peace of mind.
    Today the connection which my brain has with filth is frail and weak. And I must continue with my streak so that I can completely cut it out, and increase my standard of living.
    I started posting my journal posts to some other journals which were there in the forum, just to get the maximum reach over the audience, with the intent that more notifications will elate me every morning when I open my computer and it really did, I did revert to some of the comments, many of the members did message me also. But someone didn't liked it so I would like to apologize for my actions and commit not to repeat it, cuz even if one person gets negativity from me it will come back to me snowballing and I don't want to end up where I started. Please bare me with the last one.

    Read my other posts in my journal and find out ups downs I encountered in my small journey of 4weeks, you will learn a lot. Also comment on it if you like, it would be a boost in my confidence, to fight and finally achieve my goal.
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-streak-join-me-and-elevate-yourself.240120/
     
  10. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    Are you not reading it? I have explained it already. Also I plan not write here any further.
     
  11. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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  12. Moonborn

    Moonborn Fapstronaut

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    Just remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I suffer from severe anxiety and I have lived all of my high school years and my 20's as a shut in. I am 29 years old and still live with my parents. The thing is we still have so many years of life left! We haven't missed out on anything because life is all about experiences which we are having even if we feel like we aren't doing anything.

    Do everything possible to help yourself, see doctors, take medication, talk to those closest to you, do everything possible to help yourself because one day you will overcome this, you will be happy, and you will be glad that you're still alive.

    If you ever feel like you're about to harm yourself drive to the Emergency room and tell them, they will help you.

    You will be happy again, I know it doesn't feel like that now but you will.
     
  13. kingbob3

    kingbob3 Fapstronaut

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    even the thumnail have the potential to trigger the urge and end me up with a filthy relapse.
     
  14. ProboyMate

    ProboyMate Fapstronaut

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    Hey I dont understand ur full story, u are saying porn addiction is the only thing that made ur life sucked? Like there has to be a reason for porn addiction to come to exist like trauma right?
     
  15. ProboyMate

    ProboyMate Fapstronaut

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    How did u realize which people are bad for you?
     
  16. ProboyMate

    ProboyMate Fapstronaut

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    going to a boxing bag class today
     
    Self Worth and FX-05 like this.
  17. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    They were simply energy vampires who sucked the energy out of you in their presence. Not only that but they blamed others (and everything else) but themselves, had bad destructive habits and never wanted to accomplish anything worthwhile in their lives. There were no goals or purposes present in their lives but getting laid, wasted, stoned, and listening to that destructive rap music.
    They never read any books, wanted to improve themselves, learn any new skills and progress in life. They usually had a tendency to always wanting to fit in, no matter the cost. Hence, they were not themselves many times and it is hard to form any lasting friendships with people who are not their natural selves.
    They essentially had a loser mentality, due to which they never wanted to get anything done and also dragged everyone down to their own low level.
     
  18. Self Worth

    Self Worth Fapstronaut

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    Its always everyone else's fault, let's just put the blame on other people so I don't have to change myself

    Abit hiponcritacal don't you think
     
  19. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    That's why I abandoned these kind of people in the first place. The day I started to shift the blame for my own shortcomings from others to myself, things slowly started to change for the better. These days, I rarely complain and when I do, I notice it and shift focus from the complaint onto something positive that's in my life instead.
     
  20. Self Worth

    Self Worth Fapstronaut

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    Your still saying they're the cause, and avoiding a problem is not the same as fixing.
     

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