Doubting myself... again.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by cryptifly, Nov 22, 2015.

  1. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I finally "came out" to my coworker today. I told him I was dealing with a masturbation addiction to porn. He wasn't rude or disrespectful, but his process of trying to understand where I was coming from completely triggered me into doubting myself. He kept bringing up contradictory ideas to what I saying forcing me to defend myself and when I have to defend myself I have to think and when I have to think I usually fail because my thinking process is far too sluggish and uncoordinated to do a good job or even to feel like I did a good job speaking my views appropriately. He kept questioning whether porn and masturbation was really the cause of how I was feeling. I got really defensive because I hate it when people treat this problem like it's all in my head.

    But truth is, I don't know for sure why my brain feels the way it does. I remember as a kid I felt the same sense of "stupid" I do now. I know whenever binge on porn I feel worse in the way I usually feel in my head so that's got to be saying something. But I still can't seem to hang on to the sense that YES MY PMO HABIT HAS CAUSED SOME NASTY SIDE EFFECTS.

    Does anyone else feel doubt about the source of how they feel regularly? It seems to happen to me often.
     
  2. Daraen

    Daraen Fapstronaut

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    In fact, doubt is great I think. It push you to go for it at once to be sure of what is true, what is false.
    Effects of PMO is variable depending people. If you find one day that PMO doesn't hurt really, enjoy it.

    I mean, you should go where your own mind tell you to. Learn, think, compare, and maybe test 90 days of nofap to see what it is for real.
     
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  3. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Unless your coworker is also dealing with pmo issues they can't understand what we go through, which makes it hard for a lot of us to bring it up to those in our lives, as well as the shame behind it. That's great you brought it up though, that tells me you know it's affected you negatively and are ready to end it. Don't feel doubted by their reaction, it's a normal type of reaction to those who are uniformed about something like this, because of the social stigma related to it.

    For me personally, I don't doubt the pmo addiction for one bit, because how everything has unfolded in my life in relation to my pmo addiction fits like a puzzle. I've now come to terms though that pmo for me (and most of us here) was simply a coping mechanism for other problems in my life. Now instead of pouting about my issues I face them on a regular basis.
     
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  4. Boomer49

    Boomer49 Fapstronaut

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    C,
    Doubt can undermine all that you have accomplished by facing the truth about PMO. Granted, there are no scientific studies yet, but the anecdotal information, the repeated stories of success after eliminating PMO should give you reassurance that you are on the right track.

    We've all been in situations where our mental acuity has been challenged and it doesn't feel good. Doubt is the natural response, even though you know you're right. That doubt can lead to all sorts of other negative thoughts about oneself. We are the absolute hardest on ourselves.

    You can counter that feeling by getting into action. Renew your resolve not to PMO, understand the physical mechanism and the affects of the relation between porn and masturbation. Do some personal development work to get your mojo back. Come to this site and participate, come to a place where everyone understands.

    Keep up the good work!

    B49
     
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  5. I wouldn't be so down on yourself, cryptifly. In fact, definitely try to be more positive and self-loving if you can manage it - easier said than done, I know! - because I think that'll really help you in this battle.

    As to your friend, again, it's easier said than done, but I wouldn't pay too much attention to what he says. You don't have to justify what you're doing to someone else in any case. And the way that the brain works is so complicated that no-one - not even those at the cutting edge of neuroscience - knows exactly what is going on. It could even be the case that he's got his own issues with PMO and maybe that's why he was defensive and questioning what you're doing.

    If you're happy to make this change in your life because you think it's a positive for you then carry on and don't worry too much about what other people think unless they're going to be a support to you or you really care about what they think.

    As my friend Boomer says, keep up the good work!
     
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  6. And, while I remember, you might find this useful. It's sort of in the same area:

     
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  7. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the support everyone. :) I think the truth of the matter is I need to get through 90 days to see what's really going on despite the doubt I feel. Kinda wish it would be easier, but then again, I kinda don't.
     
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  8. Great stuff, cryptifly! Stay strong, friend, look forward to seeing you make your 90 days! :)
     
  9. randompatriot

    randompatriot Fapstronaut

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    Hey Cryptifly, I hear you man, its tough. I've been clean 22/90 days as of now, and I sometimes have this strong doubts of my decision as my brain would tell me "But masturbation in moderation can be healthy", "but porn isn't so bad", etc. Your mind will always try to pull you back into the old habits, because they are hard wired into you after so many years of addiction.

    This is the hardest part of changing oneself, being able to go over your brain and urges by sheer willpower. I wouldn't say don't sweat it, because again, its not easy, but I will tell you to keep believing in this choice you're making, because it will help you in the long run. Keep going man!

    DonB, thanks for sharing that video, it keeps us all more motivated to keep going!
     
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  10. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    Boy, do I know this one. When I started NoFap back in February, this was the thought that always kept pulling me back in. It eventually became apparent to me that whenever I binged I started to feel the heaviness and brain fog more strongly, so I think that thought doesn't have the same pull it used to. Now my obstacle is the feeling of despair that sometimes comes up. I always justify PMO by thinking, "It doesn't matter anyways..." Hurdles, man, hurdles...
     
  11. Amnonongus

    Amnonongus Fapstronaut

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    Most people are vastly unaware of the effects of dopamine desensitization. That's all this really is at the end of the day. It's cause effect. Technically masturbation and porn aren't bad. It's what they do to your dopamine sensitivity when they are abused....and it's not just porn. Ever notice how people are constantly staring at their phones? Maybe your like a lot of people who go on facebook and instagram subconsciously without making a conscious decision to open the app? Their brains just automatically open it because it's a dopamine pump. It makes you feel good. I got rid of social media and unnecessary apps on my phone a long time ago because I was feeling the same way as I feel when I PMO. So how is social media and porn and masturbation similar? They aren't in any way; which again is why it comes back to controlling dopamine levels. When your brain can't release dopamine levels to natural things in life like it once could, you don't enjoy normal things, and thus are depressed and find life meaningless. You chase things like porn and social media to give you the dopamine dump so you can kind of feel better in the moment, but really it's just making the matter worse.

    Your friend is just trying to help. He doesn't understand because no one has told him, and frankly all of these hypothesis' on dopamine abuse is pretty new stuff. Educate him.

    And to his point about it being in your head....he is right in a lot of ways. At the end of the day, you set a frame of belief systems that your brain accepts as reality. It has long been known that what you believe has a huge effect on what comes to life for you. The only reality that exists for you personally, is the one you create. In your friends reality, maybe he can jerk it 24/7 and watch porn all day and have none of the negative side effects. Maybe that's because physically and neurologically he's just different than you? Or maybe he just doesn't believe in it, so it doesn't become true for him. There's really no telling. The bottom line is there are no answers when it comes to PMO, or really anything in life. It's a series of experiments and exploration of our bodies and minds that we never will really fully understand. We find what works us, we get rid of what doesn't, and hopefully can find some sense of meaning and peace before we die. That's all there really is brother. Revel in the process and don't ever be close minded to anything; but also don't be too quick to be seduced by new ideas. Be smart.

    Much love, Godspeed.
     
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  12. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I really like what you had to say here and how you said it. I connected well with this post. Thank you! I have a follow-up question: Does this dopamine dump you're talking about mean that in order to get back to normal levels I need to get rid of ALL things that create surges of dopamine? I'm talking about things like video games or anything that creates little rushes of dopamine. I get that PMO creates the big rushes or dumps as you called it, but could the key to healing be getting rid of ALL sources of dopamine dumping?
     
  13. Amnonongus

    Amnonongus Fapstronaut

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    I think if you feel intuitively that you need to stop doing certain things that are burning out your brain, then do them. Only you can answer that question.

    I wouldn't take it too far though, at the end of the day, all things in moderation. Playing games, going to the movies, enjoying the internet are all things that are enjoyable experiences (as is ORGASMING). But for now you've taken it a little too far, so you need to put a foot on the break. Assuming you don't abuse those other things I wouldn't worry too much about it. Or you could try taking a break from ALL that stuff for a while. It's your call. But I wouldn't go too crazy on it man. You don't want to get to the point where you've locked yourself in a box with no stimulation in the name of restoring dopamine levels...you know?

    Search your soul brother. You'll know intuitively if something is good or bad for you. That's why you came here in the first place. You had a weird feeling that what you were doing was wrong, right? So you looked it up and you ended up here?.... me too man. I couldn't tell you where the thought came from, I just felt it. Follow that sense, my man.

    Godspeed.
     
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