This post is gonna have some drama in it. I hate drama, but sometimes its unavoidable and I really need to vent it out right now. I'm comfortable with you guys so I hope you can forgive me for doing this. This will help me process things. I put my two weeks in today at the job I'm working at. I should've realized it before but I don't fit in with my co-workers, even if they are nice most of the time. They're the kind personalities that like pick on the people they care about as a means of relating. I am not that kind of guy. Who I was, the decisions I made, the thoughts that I had, were too many times criticized and questioned in the guise of an innocent joke. I never felt truly safe being myself there. I bought a frozen yogurt one day and they teased me for not offering them any. And they kept doing it over and over again. I just wanted to buy frozen yogurt and go home and enjoy it, not be criticized for not being polite. Sometimes I just don't want to buy other people things. Other times I do. This was one of the times I didn't. It felt like an attack on me even though I knew it wasn't. Too many times I felt attacked and no one seemed to care because in their minds it was all an innocent joke. Today was basically the worst day ever at my place of work. My coworkers were very passive aggressive, talking only to themselves and ignoring me. It hurt. To be honest, though, I started it. Due to lack of sleep and other PMO related mental symptoms, I got angry and defensive with one of my friends (ex now) because I didn't have anything to say to him. It was always tough to talk to him but he was always nice to me and let me borrow a lot of his things. Maybe that's why he got so pissed... He did a lot for me and what did he get back? The cold shoulder. It was my fear of rejection that triggered this and I gave him the cold shoulder for a few days. I eventually realized I was in the wrong and wrote a letter apologizing for my behavior as well asking them to take it easy on me in the future. They wouldn't have it. One barely got two paragraphs in before stopping. The other didn't even bother to read it. I get that this was my fault (better yet, my addiction's fault), but I tried to communicate in the only way I was comfortable. Writing. Now I have two weeks of passive aggressive behavior from my co-workers to look forward to. All I wanted was for the teasing to stop. That's all I needed. I'm super-sensitive right now because of the lack of sleep and the PMO addiction and I just wanted to be treated with respect and kindness. I just wanted be able to work without feeling attacked and stressed out because of it. Is this really too much to ask for? Am I being a whiny little bitch for wanting this? Is it really that rare for people to want to exist with others in a safe environment where you're respected for who you are despite being different? I guess in the end this is a closed door with another one opening. I never really did fit in to that crowd even though I liked the job and the managers were always good to me. Some things aren't meant to be and now it's time to move on and try to find a job with like-minded people. I don't know where that is and maybe I'll go through a bunch of them but I hope someday I'll find my people. Until then, I need to concentrate on my nofap goals and getting better bed rest. I hope then I'll be healed enough to not drive everyone around me away. If you read this, thank you for taking your time. If you answer, thank you for your feedback. I feel better already for sharing this. I want to know, though, has anyone else experienced just not fitting in with people before? And almost losing hope because of it?