Drama warning, venting ahead.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by cryptifly, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

    This post is gonna have some drama in it. I hate drama, but sometimes its unavoidable and I really need to vent it out right now. I'm comfortable with you guys so I hope you can forgive me for doing this. This will help me process things.

    I put my two weeks in today at the job I'm working at. I should've realized it before but I don't fit in with my co-workers, even if they are nice most of the time. They're the kind personalities that like pick on the people they care about as a means of relating. I am not that kind of guy. Who I was, the decisions I made, the thoughts that I had, were too many times criticized and questioned in the guise of an innocent joke. I never felt truly safe being myself there. I bought a frozen yogurt one day and they teased me for not offering them any. And they kept doing it over and over again. I just wanted to buy frozen yogurt and go home and enjoy it, not be criticized for not being polite. Sometimes I just don't want to buy other people things. Other times I do. This was one of the times I didn't. It felt like an attack on me even though I knew it wasn't. Too many times I felt attacked and no one seemed to care because in their minds it was all an innocent joke.

    Today was basically the worst day ever at my place of work. My coworkers were very passive aggressive, talking only to themselves and ignoring me. It hurt. To be honest, though, I started it. Due to lack of sleep and other PMO related mental symptoms, I got angry and defensive with one of my friends (ex now) because I didn't have anything to say to him. It was always tough to talk to him but he was always nice to me and let me borrow a lot of his things. Maybe that's why he got so pissed... He did a lot for me and what did he get back? The cold shoulder. It was my fear of rejection that triggered this and I gave him the cold shoulder for a few days. I eventually realized I was in the wrong and wrote a letter apologizing for my behavior as well asking them to take it easy on me in the future. They wouldn't have it. One barely got two paragraphs in before stopping. The other didn't even bother to read it. I get that this was my fault (better yet, my addiction's fault), but I tried to communicate in the only way I was comfortable. Writing. Now I have two weeks of passive aggressive behavior from my co-workers to look forward to.

    All I wanted was for the teasing to stop. That's all I needed. I'm super-sensitive right now because of the lack of sleep and the PMO addiction and I just wanted to be treated with respect and kindness. I just wanted be able to work without feeling attacked and stressed out because of it. Is this really too much to ask for? Am I being a whiny little bitch for wanting this? Is it really that rare for people to want to exist with others in a safe environment where you're respected for who you are despite being different?

    I guess in the end this is a closed door with another one opening. I never really did fit in to that crowd even though I liked the job and the managers were always good to me. Some things aren't meant to be and now it's time to move on and try to find a job with like-minded people. I don't know where that is and maybe I'll go through a bunch of them but I hope someday I'll find my people. Until then, I need to concentrate on my nofap goals and getting better bed rest. I hope then I'll be healed enough to not drive everyone around me away.

    If you read this, thank you for taking your time. If you answer, thank you for your feedback. I feel better already for sharing this. I want to know, though, has anyone else experienced just not fitting in with people before? And almost losing hope because of it?
    threemonkeys likes this.
  2. DKR

    DKR Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear that man and I don't think I am a good person to take any advice from on this. I've never fit in and always felt most of people and life were too harsh. It's a school like mentality I feel adults should be beyond. I can never tell if I am over-sensitive or the world is under sensitive but yes I can really relate.
    I don't have any male friends irl for the same reasons.

    Nofap really makes me all the more sensitive and emotional too.
  3. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

    It's good to know I'm not alone :)
  4. Kiddy

    Kiddy Fapstronaut

    I completely understand. I have really been considering quitting my job too. It's just that I can't seem to get over the little things that would probably not bother other people. I don't have a solution right now. Being upset like this makes me want to PMO, really. I have got to get my emotions under control somehow...
  5. mikepian

    mikepian Fapstronaut

    Hey, brother. Guys can be pretty shitty to one another, under the guise of "just kidding." That's bullshit, man. Lots of guys just have to needle somebody to get their jollies and feel superior. I suppose it's the male version of being catty and bitchy. Your feelings are understandably hurt and raw. The silver lining is that it sounds like you are sensitive and compassionate in a positive sense.
    Now, Crypt, there's more, though. Making a "geographical" change might work, at least until you meet up with similar assholes. My advice is to keep working on being the best version of yourself you can be. Strong and deep respect for yourself as a real and noble MAN. A guy who knows when and how to take a stand, and also how to let petty shit just roll off your back and rising above it.
    You are on NoFap for a reason, bro.
    The cleaner and purer you get your body and your mind, the stronger your spirit will become and other people's personality problems will not burden you as much.
    Peace, brother.
  6. axy_david

    axy_david Fapstronaut

    I am an often misunderstood guy, having a weird humour does not help. I also get labelled as passive agressive.
    I'll tell you that misunderstandings are bound to happen, especially with new people.
    Don't forget that everyone has bad days.
    Remember that I like you.
  7. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

    Yes. I can identify. I recently walked off a job like that. I was there for about a year. I'm a generally laid back person and easy to get along with. I took a job that was in a radically more religious area than the part of the bible belt that I'm normally accustomed to. I let it out that I was an atheist to the wrong person before I realized this. I was literally ostracized. I would've been more accepted had I just said I was a Satanist. I felt like that couple in Children of the Corn. These people were so out of touch with reality. Yet they looked normal. I moved to a more culturally diverse area on the east coast, US. People here are a lot more interesting, in a good way. The general population is scared of people that are different. They feel threatened for some reason. Fuck people that make you unhappy.
    AlltheRageBackHome likes this.
  8. mikepian

    mikepian Fapstronaut

    Hey Phibz,
    I wish I could represent all those jerks who ostracized you; I'd sincerely apologize to you and make up for it.

    Not all folks who call themselves Christian are even close to being so.

    Peace. Mike
    Phibz likes this.
  9. We sound like twins. Haha!

    I literally could have written your whole paragraph myself.
  10. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    The way I see it with the situation you described, there are two extremes with regard to this type of behavior and your situation will fall somewhere along the continuum between the two extremes...
    Extreme #1: Your coworkers could be complete assholes who have no regard for another person's feelings
    Extreme #2: You could be insecure and extremely sensitive to any type of negativity directed towards you, real or erroneously perceived.

    If your situation aligns more closely to extreme #1, switching jobs will solve your problem.

    If your situation aligns more closely to extreme #2, switching jobs might be a good idea, but, the problem will follow you to your new job. Unfortunately, many of the people who have the problem described in extreme #2, don't realize they have it. There are a couple of ways you can test to see if extreme #2 is an issue for you...
    1. Do you find that a majority of people in your life treat you poorly? If the answer is yes... you might need to spend some time building up your own confidence and working out your insecurities.
    2. Find a mature person in your real life that knows you fairly well that you can trust to give you an honest answer. Ask that person if they think you are insecure.

    Outside of those comments... I used to have problems with people razzing me about crap. I found it quite annoying, and eventually I would get angry and blow my top after stewing for a while. I have since learned to make sure I let someone know the very first time they razz me, that I don't appreciate it. I put on a facial expression I have mastered that means... "don't mess with me or I will make the situation uncomfortable for both of us". Sometimes, my 'special face' doesn't work, because the douche bag is socially inept and doesn't know how to take a hint. If that happens, I put on my 'special face' and I say something in a pissed off tone like... "I don't find your comment funny, please don't do it again"... and sometimes they will say something like... "ohhhh.... someone is touchy about subject XXX"... and I respond... "yes, I am, so don't be a dick about it"

    of course, if I am in a work environment... I try to make the "dick" comment in such a way that only myself and the douche bag can hear it.

    I have found that 99% of people back off eventually. For the remaining 1%, I hope I am bigger or meaner than them.
  11. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone!

    I'm surprised that this topic is still being commented on. Nothing wrong with that, of course. I want to give an update to the situation as a few of you have shown an interest. I ended up staying at the job. The main reason being I have student loan debt and the manager was nice enough to give me as many hours as possible. I learned some things from the reaction I had to what happened. One, I am way to over-reactive about A LOT of things and I misinterpret EVERYTHING. Yeah, the two guys seemed passive aggressive and rude, but in reality they were just giving me my space because I was really really pissy. I was pissy because I was making a very big and very wrong assumption that the work environment was toxic. It wasn't. I was creating that in my head. It's true that the people I work with have a difficult time accepting and not judging me when I act in ways that are different from what their used to in their worlds, but the reality is they're really great guys to work with who aren't perfect. Example: I cry when I feel sad or something moves me greatly (movies!). These guys are still in the mind set that crying is a woman thing and will judge me for it, even though the kind of crying I do is not the sobbing-for-your-mommy-kind, but the holy-shit-I'm-feeling-sad/moved kind. The easy answer to this? Just not talk about things that will garner judgment from them. At this point, I need the hours more than I need to challenge their assumptions of the world, so not sharing some of myself is not a big deal. All of this is actually great because now I understand a little bit more about what my insecurities are and I can avoid those topics while enjoying their company when I work with them.

    Since the incident, things have been a lot better. We laugh a lot more and I'm enjoying working with them a lot more also. No they're not my people, but right now, they'll do and I intend to make the best of where I'm working until I can find something that suits my personality better. Thank you all so much for your input, I really appreciated it!
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015

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