Hello.
In the past I tried to not do PMO. I think I lasted 8 days max. I will be honest with you.
I don't WANT to stop. I don't want to because I enjoy the O too much. Yet I do want to stop. No. I think I 'should' stop. I don't actually want to, but I can see the damage being done and I hate it. I think about my future and I can see time running out.
I also think about my PMO issue many times every day. I'm feeling desperate. Often I will do PMO when I'm barely turned on. Sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes my depression, sometimes boredom, and other times I am actually turned on, only to think 'Why? Why am I doing this?' I don't even WANT to PMO. Yet I do. I must PMO. I've got nothing else pleasureable going on in my life.
Anyway, I watch P as a means to O. I don't even try to stop and abstain anymore although I desperately want to at the same time. I'm simply addicted to those few seconds of high. The moment I tell myself to stop I will feel restricted, get angry and feel the need to 'break out' as if someone told me what I can and can't do.
I think the only way for me to recover, is to wear a chastity belt and throw away the key. Even if by some miracle I would recover, I know I will turn to P again because I can't get a girlfriend. What else is a guy to do when he's alone and single?
Sometimes I think the only viable solution is to try and get a girlfriend - which is one of my desires anyhow - but what woman is going to want someone who can't get his 'motor' to even run idle. That's right, a bunch of years ago until the last time I had paid sex I couldn't keep it 'up' while having intercourse. ED. Even got blue pills for that from my GP.
I don't even know why I am writing anymore. I will just get this off of my chest and continue PMO anyway.
P.S. When I say I don't want to stop. I wonder if that's me or my addiction speaking? I'd love to think that's it not me. So I could shake off the feelings of guilt. Not that it changes anything.
In the past I tried to not do PMO. I think I lasted 8 days max. I will be honest with you.
I don't WANT to stop. I don't want to because I enjoy the O too much. Yet I do want to stop. No. I think I 'should' stop. I don't actually want to, but I can see the damage being done and I hate it. I think about my future and I can see time running out.
I also think about my PMO issue many times every day. I'm feeling desperate. Often I will do PMO when I'm barely turned on. Sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes my depression, sometimes boredom, and other times I am actually turned on, only to think 'Why? Why am I doing this?' I don't even WANT to PMO. Yet I do. I must PMO. I've got nothing else pleasureable going on in my life.
Anyway, I watch P as a means to O. I don't even try to stop and abstain anymore although I desperately want to at the same time. I'm simply addicted to those few seconds of high. The moment I tell myself to stop I will feel restricted, get angry and feel the need to 'break out' as if someone told me what I can and can't do.
I think the only way for me to recover, is to wear a chastity belt and throw away the key. Even if by some miracle I would recover, I know I will turn to P again because I can't get a girlfriend. What else is a guy to do when he's alone and single?
Sometimes I think the only viable solution is to try and get a girlfriend - which is one of my desires anyhow - but what woman is going to want someone who can't get his 'motor' to even run idle. That's right, a bunch of years ago until the last time I had paid sex I couldn't keep it 'up' while having intercourse. ED. Even got blue pills for that from my GP.
I don't even know why I am writing anymore. I will just get this off of my chest and continue PMO anyway.
P.S. When I say I don't want to stop. I wonder if that's me or my addiction speaking? I'd love to think that's it not me. So I could shake off the feelings of guilt. Not that it changes anything.