Duty first... but so difficult

What needs to be done: duty first, then pleasure.

What happens 99.99% of the time: the opposite.

"Eat a frog in the morning" is a Japanese way of saying start by doing the hardest thing.

I always start by "pleasure", by "easy", even for the thing I cherish most, like surfing (example: staying in bed instead of going catch waves in the cold morning water). As such, I am either frustrated and/or not at peace because I always have something on my mind, that thing I ought to do, because it's never done first. This is tiring as there is never a 'real' moment of peace. The easy pleasure no-longer consists of porn (thankfully), but I still keep on masturbating. I can't seem to find the strength to stop. I'm 44 yo and I feel ashamed of who I am: I have the problem of a boy, not a man. I feel this whole attitude 'pleasure first' is to blame. I want to change, but for this to happen I need to believe in myself.

I have started taking cold showers: I like it a lot because I fell energized afterward. At least, there is this success. We need to build on successes, so I am grateful for this one. And for having stopped smoking. Ending this habit happened in the most unexpected way. I received a sign, which I believed in (I still do). Thus, walking to work, on this busy street corner, my eyes filled with tears because I knew I just had smoked my last cigarette. Despite the fact I wanted and needed to stop, I had to acknowledge the end of this pleasure in my life. The very same day, I went out in a busy bar, everyone was smoking madly. I knew it was no longer for me. Funnily enough, compensating for not smoking, I end up going for the real pleasure I was craving: conversing with beautiful persons (women).

Please let me know your thoughts, they help. I need to stop masturbating on a hourly basis.

All the best my fellow bothers