Edging and Nofap

Hello everyone,

This is my 21th day i'm trying to quit PMO, and let my brain recover. More or less it's working.

During this 21 day I watched porn 3 times and fapped like 7-9 times (yes it's many).
The good in this, that it's already way less, i did in the past 1 year. (PMO,edge daily 4- 5 times sometimes even more) (even more positive notices below)

- Why I Fapped?
When i quit porn, i noticed i'm not really addicted to watch porn, but more addicted to masturbation. After a few days of not fapping (2-3 days), I always have huge erections especially in the morning and in the night, and sometimes during a day. By seeing my dick is so hard, i couldn't resist not to play with it.

- Here comes the Edge
I said to my self, I won't ejaculate, but edging. I did it for 2 3 days continually, then i relapsed. (watched porn only 1 time/each relapses). After I relapsed i felt so sh.t. I think i emptied all my dopamine from my brain.

I just read an article, about Edging, that it's collecting the Domapine in your brian, which you won't release, since you don't ejaculate.
According to, since it's an addiction the dopamine is the main part of all the problems i'm having. (Anxiety, ED, 0 Libido, looking at girls like an object, being afraid of sex situations etc). I noticed i was playing with the fire. Currently as everyone on this forum have problems with their Dopamine levels (not only), as soon as i relapsed, i released all the dopamine from my brain and i think I emptied it. I lost all the good feelings I had between the relapses.

- What negative sympthons i noticed after edging then relapse
-- My anxiety sympthons killed me inside. I lost the control over my brain.
-- Self-esteem decrased
-- Nervous
-- Huge brain fog

- What negative sympthong I noticed by preventing Porn
-- Headache
-- Brain is on porn, but controlable

- What I noticed, when didn't PMO/Fap
-- I felt my confidence is getting higher
-- So Relaxed and calmed
-- I felt i'm controlling my brain ( I had negative thoughts from my past (bad relationsip), but I could quit those negative thoughts immediately and easily (couldn't really worked before)
-- I noticed I can communicate with others easily
-- My self-eseteem started to grow (I finally started to accept my self, and I felt I love my self)
-- Huge erections
-- Not being afraid of the future
-- More Energy
-- Normal thinking of girls (Finally I started to not look at them as an object)
-- My penis size is no more shrinked. I noticed it's bigger ( i think it regained it's previous size from before i started to be addicted.)
-- I started to see my self good
-- I really felt my brain is working so hard, to heal. I felt really good inside. I felt my brain is relaxed.

To be honest feeling this all good to me, i was just planning to write on the forum about my positive notices, and to give motivation to all here, but to be honest .... today i don't even know if i'm dead or alive....

DONT EVER EVER EDGE. After my EDGEs i relapsed .... i really felt dead in my brain, my body... everything.....

 

To be honest. I thought i read everything about NOFAP, and the problem I have, but it seems like i didn't.
I just read these articles and was shocked, how logic it is... (playing with the dopamine), but i still kept doing it. I thought It's good or atleast it's not a problem.

Well it's a huge problem. I noticed at each relapses I find a new trap, to where my brain leads to get the domapine and the stimulation .... Guys ... it's TERRIBLE ..... I'm dying even of the thought, what i did to my brain ... how much i damaged it with this s.ht addiction.

My motivation is high on quiting it, these relapses are a lesson to me .... but seriously .... it's way HARDER than i thought.
I didn't think how much I'm addicted until I deceided to quit it....