Edging, relapse, hard-mode, nofap - killing me!

I am happy for you sophie! Keep going. stay positive. I am sure you will keep getting better at this.

 

You need to stop edging. In my view, any type of edging will ultimately lead to a relapse. It will be very tough for the first few days but as time passes you will build up confidence. Masturbation and porn is just a habit, part of a daily routine.
Watch the YBOP videos again and get a full understanding of how porn is just playing tricks on your brain circuits.
Also, reflect on your relapse and what triggered that situation. If you can learn from this it will help you to avoid a similar situation.

 

I know that for me, the first week or so is the worst of it. It isn't like it gets super easy ever, but that first week beat me several times. Once that is done somehow it gets easier for me to hang in. I don't know if its both biological and also the psychological need to keep the momentum going -- 7 days is a bigger number than 2 so more is lost during a relapse, ergo my crazy internal math works to motivate me.

If possible, do something super disruptive to your routine. Doesn't have to be related to sex at all. When i would travel, it would be disruptive enough that i would come back and realize that 1 week had gone by like nothing and I didn't even notice. Make some other change that you can link the change in fap behavior to -- it might help carry the weight a bit. Also, exercise like a rabid monkey. Will make everything easier.

 

Another thought: I did have much luck with a chastity device before. I don't know that I would have discovered the importance of the first week if I hadn't experimented with the CD wearing to make it physically impossible to fap. They do cost money, but worked well enough for me to get me to hte point where I am now confident enough in the outcome that I can get over that initial week without it.

 

I'm seven days in and my moods are up and down too. From what I've read the swings stop about two weeks in and your libido flat lines but is resuscitated around week three. Quite edging (I've found it makes it harder). Grab a cold shower, go for a run, get out of the privacy of your flat, whatever it takes to outlast the impulse.

 

Edging is just tempting yourself. Don't fantasize but also don't repress, just spend time training yourself to become comfortable with the uncomfortableness of an urge (as silly as that may sound). The easiest way for me to get past an urge is just to sit with it, be okay with it, don't obsess and definitely don't fantasize. Meditation is a great tool for this, but it can be done anywhere, even in line for the checkout at the shops. Close your eyes and just feel, you'll soon realize that the feeling itself is not that terrible, what is bad is everything your associating with the feeling. It takes time and practice but just readjust your focus to something simple like your breath. Most importantly always remember that this too will pass.