Edging variant?

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by interpaul, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    It's now been about 7 months of NoFap for me. Initially the focus was to not do PMO. NoFap led to semen retention which has been a very different focus. Last night after another ~ 2 week streak I had a "spontaneous ejaculation". It seems one way or another ejaculation happen for me after about 2-3 weeks. We are not talking about PMO here. I read about Taoist sexual cultivation on this website. After wasting several months trying the various sexual kung fu stuff, I realized it wasn't easy to perform these unnatural maneuvers and have instead tried to focus on simpler energy meditations, namely the microcosmic orbit. This meditation has allowed me to channel the sexual energy up. After many dead end efforts to define my boundaries on this PMO stuff (a most recent huge disappointment with erotic hypnosis which, although there were no visuals, had a very similar feel to PMO). The meditation practice has seemed to be a healthy option but I have found as the days pass, the energy builds. Last night after doing the meditations I went to sleep and awoke feeling aroused. I lay there in bed and felt the energy build and build until I had an ejaculation/orgasm without any sexual thoughts at all. Initially as I felt the energy building I tried to use some the Taoist techniques to direct the energy up but that didn't help.

    As I step back from this experience I realize I didn't violate my PMO goal (except there was an O). I do realize the meditation practices are circulating the sexual energy. I'm not sure if this is just one more variant of edging. A few months ago I posted a story where I awoke after 3 weeks of retention and had a full body non ejaculatory orgasm, this was of a similar energy as the build up sexual energy expressed itself spontaneously without me directing it at all. The most recent iteration is similar except there has been a conscious effort to channel the sexual energy for good. Since there has been no PM I feel like I'm making progress but I do wonder if this will still mess with the dopamine recovery process.
     
  2. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you are doing things to sexually stimulate yourself - once you identify what you are doing you will need to quit.
     
  3. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    You are correct that this creates pleasure, the question is is that bad? Is the goal to not experience sexual pleasure again? Is there only one way to find pleasure? Clearly the initial goal of avoiding PMO has been largely achieved. I am also looking to the long term. Unless I leave my wife, who has limited interest in sex, I don't have a lot of options after the reboot. Would having an alternative experience of redirecting sexual energy to experience pleasure in this way be wrong?
     
  4. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    Is it pragmatic? I'm personally more interested in sublimation - I'd like to use that energy to create, build, do something useful; I get pleasure from that - I'm not understanding what you're describing I would just be careful because it sounds like it could lead you right back to the start
     
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  5. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your concern. Yes, I'm with you on sublimation. In many arenas of my life I am successful and feel satisfied. Over the last 7 months I've come to accept I can't completely release having some expression of my sexual energy. During my first 3 weeks of NoFap I awoke in the middle of the night with a 2 hour spontaneous energy release (which I described in an earlier post). Reading about it many people talked of this being a Kundalini release. I believe it is mostly sexual energy not knowing where to go. I personally don't know how else to channel this energy. I do exercise, meditate, yoga, work, spend time with friends, create art and take care of my family etc. I find my days are infused with a very intense energy, this sexual energy. After 2-3 weeks it builds to an uncontainable energy. Sexual transmutation, as described by the Taoists gives me some way to channel the energy, but I agree with you, I haven't fully figured out how to handle it as those methods keep it inside too. Without healthier ways to direct it it does lead to relapses. I certainly don't have the answers and value this groups support. Interestingly my "failures" at this point mostly are of ejaculation not PMO. I am just trying to set a foundation for a lifelong practice that is safe and healthy.
     
  6. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    I don't find that it becomes uncontainable unless I am stimulating myself somehow. I don't have a belief that the energy is uncontainable and I have firm intention and determination to sublimate sexual energy. Alot of the difficulties with maintaining sexual energy come down to not improperly stimulating yourself, then just simple intention and belief. I don't believe that I need orgasm to remain healthy in any regard. I can honestly say that no part of me wants PMO or any kind of release - in fact I know I want the opposite knowing what I now know. I know the state that it leads to and I don't want it, no part of me. I just go about my life and shut the door on it. If I do find myself in a difficult state I go to God in worship and pray for his grace to not sin.
     
  7. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know, pretty sure it has a strong impact - spontaneous ejaculation would cause you to crave the experience more. It depletes the energy all the same and it awakens the longing for it. I had an experience like this two weeks into my current streak and I'd never had that occur before then. I awoke from some sort of bad dream and felt horribly depressed and then it happened. Felt depleted afterwards. Don't remember the dream content, I was in a semi-conscious state, there were no fantasies or anything, nor any erection from what I can remember. I just remember feeling a sensation and I wanted to see if anything would happen and sure enough it did. First time that had ever happened.
     
  8. dodalala

    dodalala Fapstronaut

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    dude it's just your body getting rid of excess it doesn't need like dead sperm. Its perfectly healthy. It's not a good thing if it all builds up in there hence we get wet dreams and leakage when urinating. it's like running a tap with a glass, eventually the glass is going to overflow if it gets too full.You're looking way too much into this.
     
  9. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks you for your thoughts. I'm not a very religious person but your message affected me. Last night I felt something that I suspect is close to grace. I feel like I have some more clarity on this issue.
     
  10. dodalala

    dodalala Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]
     
  11. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    I respect your perspective but I'd ask you to consider how you see your future without PMO. For me, my wife doesn't have much libido and it is very important for me to find a healthier way to handle this sexual energy. The Taoist look at transmutation of sexual energy allowing for personal and spiritual growth. I understand the release of prostatic fluid with wet dreams and urinating. At first I wasn't sure what to make of that as it hadn't happened since I was a kid. It does make sense to me that our bodies know how to handle themselves. This discussion is more around handling the energy buildup and how to direct it.
     
  12. interpaul

    interpaul Fapstronaut

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    I suspect it would be hard to get a real answer on this question. I am coming to believe surrendering to this process leads to the healthy path. That is, wet dreams and spontaneous emission with urination are the bodies natural way to process the physical material associated with sexual energy. Last night I felt a similar wave of energy in my body. Instead of fighting back with Taoist retention practices I cleared my mind and allowed the energy to just be in my body. I became completely passive and breathed into the energy. I completed released into the experience without any control and it didn't go to a physical release as I expected. I had some really meaningful insights on my journey at this point and it made me realize this may not be about will power and restraint but about letting go and trusting in some deeper wisdom in the body. I know this may sound like weird stuff but I think we all crossed that threshold long ago when we joined this nofap discussion world. I think this obsession I've had with the whole dopamine reset thing may be the wrong focus. I had assumed 4 days ago when I had the spontaneous night time ejaculation I would loose all my built up energy but it actually was the opposite. I feel similar to how I felt 3 weeks into a streak. I haven't been drawn back into PMO just much more curious about how to handle this energy for the long term
     

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