Effect of sexual abuse

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Breadman, Mar 14, 2020.

  1. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Does anyone else wonder what their life would have played out like. if they had not been same sex abused when young?
    I often wonder if this hadn’t happened what would it have been like to have had a normal sexual development. I think of all the years I struggled to put it in place. I’m ok now but I’m 71. I just wonder how nice it would have been to just been able to spend my mental energy focused on accomplishing things rather than my identity.
     
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  2. tyrharper

    tyrharper Fapstronaut

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    I think I was not sexually abused, at least I have no evidence that I was; but I started masturbating very very early and could never stop. Now at 43 years old I think that a lot of my physical, mental but mostly spiritual energies were wasted, I could have been way better in all aspects if it was not for this vice.
     
  3. Zapy97

    Zapy97 Fapstronaut

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    I would still be in the Army if I hadn't been abused in basic training.
     
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  4. Penninesandcheviots

    Penninesandcheviots Fapstronaut

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    I dont think i was abused but i know i started masturbating when i was extremely young, I remember doing it when I was around 5 and I was exposed to porn just a few years later when I was 8.

    I could spend all day talking about my journey through porn and how its fucked with my identity today. And a lot of the time I start thinking about what life would be like if I had normal sexual development. But in the end its counter-intuitive, i got myself into this mess, and now I need to pull myself out.

    I do really miss the days when I had normal fantasies about girls. I was a lot more innocent back then. When I think of my fantasies now i feel disgusted with myself. Hopefully nofap will help me there!
     
  5. Cassiel Addams

    Cassiel Addams Fapstronaut

    mostly ,
    persons who got abused they are involved at the same time with pornography and masturbation
    as a escape from traumatized sexual experience that they got,
    in my case was like this,
    i completely forgot my several even sexual abuses in my maybe 11-12 years old age,until i got some psychedelic experiences, few years ago
    those psychedelic experiences reminds me again some pictures that i forgot but they reminded me again
    but this time there is no escape, its solving it from root cause,
    for now im ok, im happy , and i have normal sex life,
     
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  6. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    I had not experienced porn until after my sexual abuse by a teacher. It lasted several years. Then I became promiscuous. Woman, men it didn’t matter. My identity was wrapped up in my penis. I thought that was all I was, a sex instrument. I did marry but the issues became problematic especially after the internet. I’m 71, so most of my experience was real life until porn filled the guy sex issues. I’ve really come round though after joining Nofap two years ago. I told my wife about the porn and sex abuse. I only wish it had happened much earlier in my life. (The coming to terms with it.) I do wonder how I’d be different but I am happy now. No porn and rare Masturbation.
     
  7. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Yeah... life would've been easier. So much mental energy wasted.
     
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  8. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    check out here:
    https://forum.malesurvivor.org/

    also the book The Body Keeps Score and other books on trauma. It can be overcome, it takes some work. For years I avoided it. It hasnt' been pleasant to face - really coming here was the tip of iceberg! But I am GLAD I did and I feel like I am moving forward.
     
  9. White_umbrella

    White_umbrella Fapstronaut

    I think when something like this happens we have 2 paths.
    We can choose one path where the things that happened take us to one place of personal self destruction separate from the damage we can have it from this things. So instead of we try to recover, do something and keep living our life we can have the damage that happened more the damage of personal self destruction.
    The damage of personal self destruction can even be more stronger then the real damage that happened to persons.
    If we choose this path we can create in ourselfs things like hate inside and other bad energys that with time can make us more bad then the real damage so we will endure the damage of personal self descrution more the damage created for these things.
    This personal self destruction can led us to porn, masturbation, identity problems, homosexuality, sexual perversions, drugs, depression, addiction and some other things more... "I think you understand me where I want to go"
    Like or not there are effects who will be present like one mark in persons and this is not something like we take 5 euros from someone and then later we can return them back and pay.
    I think in somehow life for her own do his own right, some persons can call karma, destiny or something...
    And please dont forget this persons that doing this stuff finish to hurt they own to in one way or another way and not only hurt the others.

    So the alternative path i think is in a certain way the forgiveness to release the hate and bad energys that can that can lead us to the personal self destruction i talk before and we dont have to endure 2 things at the same time, the real damage that it happened and the damage that we can make ourselves, the damage of personal self destruction.

    And when i say these things doesn't mean that we have to stay
    standing and doing nothing like nothing happened, we can choose to move and do something but feed the hate i dont think is good, feed the hate if feed the personal self destruction i talk before.
    What do you guys think about this?!
     
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  10. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Reminds me of a Native American saying “there are two wolves that on
    This reminds me of this Native Americans legend. 5E8DFCD9-FE14-4C08-AC44-0BA6D156F06A.jpeg
     
  11. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    i just want to be happy, but i dont know what to do for it... i'm tired of posting/reading about this on numerous websites or reading youtube videos self help...
     
  12. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    Hey Recoome,
    You sound defeated. Don’t be. Persist. There are several things I did to put myself in a good place with it all are hard and to be honest it’s taken a long time but I swear it’s worth it. One thing that did a lot to help was I confronted my abuser. (He is 80 or so now) Not in hate but trying to understand if he had any idea what it did to my life. We had a good conversation. I found out about his own abuse as a kid. I actually felt sorry for him so I was able to forgive him.(not easy) He assured me he wasn’t sexually able anymore and I decided not to report him. Many will disagree with this but it’s my decision and it gives me a sense of control than feeling like a victim.
    Second I told my wife and adult kids, also very hard to do. I told them and let them decide what to do with that info. I also told them how it played into my SSA.
    Third I went to confession about my own questionable actions which continued my pain. (Sexual activity outside marriage and my excessive porn use). So God started handling a lot. The priest told me something important that finally took root. That is, You only have this moment, this time to make choices in. The past is gone, it is memory, the future will be the result of the choices you make now in the moment. Try to make good ones. Focus on the light not the shadows. In the light is hope, goodness and healing.
    Most of this happened around three years ago. Now I see a counselor once a month just to talk. Most times anymore it’s just about life and family and dreams not my issues. They are pretty much put to bed now. I started this post to see if others could learn from each other. You can be free.
     
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  13. tout ça pour ça

    tout ça pour ça Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. You are generous and kind to do this. I am trying too, to not forget, but to just let it be. It's an arduous process.
     
  14. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    You can let it go but the journey back is hard and slow but remember time will pass. a year, two, three or 10, the thing to remember is you want to be in a better place than than you are now. Persist.
     
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  15. AJ2020

    AJ2020 New Fapstronaut

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    Loved seeing this thread. I was abused when I was 9-10 and it made me very sexual at a young age. This set me up for many years of obsessive sexual thoughts and behavior. I'm at a point now where I've dealt with the abuse but still struggle with masturbation. That's what's brought me here.
     
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  16. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    same for me. I was a virgin, innocent. Then after being abused entered years of promiscuity, men, women, group sex. I thought that was what I was good for. It’s taken a lot and many years to overcome. I am ok now. I wishthese people realized the damage they do and how much of our lives we spend coming to terms with the abuse.
     
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  17. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Yeah even i became promiscuous n obsessed with sex thoughts...
     
  18. tout ça pour ça

    tout ça pour ça Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    yes exactly; obsessions and compulsion for me as well. trying to deal with it.
     
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  19. AJ2020

    AJ2020 New Fapstronaut

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    They don't care about their victims. It's all about them and that moment. They don't think about the consequences.
     
  20. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Many times the same thing happened to them- this is why child abuse and alcoholism can run for generations in families. Of course there are many who were abused but didn't pass it on. I don't know what factors make this occur. Remarkably, there are also kids who are sexually abused but don't suffer later sexual dysfunction - they acknowledge a terrible thing happens but they have processed the memory.
     
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