Effects of PMO on a relationship

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by extravertedjoey, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. extravertedjoey

    extravertedjoey New Fapstronaut

    Discovered masturbating at age 11, porn and hentai at age 13/14, been using it ever since. At first, I used it because it felt so good and I kept wanting more. Later, I needed it to remedy depression and it gave me a feeling of acceptance and connection when I felt rejected and lonely. Eventually, I started using it to run away from problems and stress instead of facing them head on and constructively.

    In high school, I was a loner, anti-social, couldn’t make good friends. Girls were attracted to me because of how I looked, but then they’d talk to me/get to know me and the attraction would be gone. I would always end up seeing them with someone else. I had no energy in social settings. Completely unconfident, insecure and no self-worth. I saw everyone as better than me.

    I never enjoyed parties or clubbing. I was too shy and I had no energy in those scenarios. In parties, I would just wonder around awkwardly and in clubs I would dance awkwardly, caring about how I look in front of others. I went through university for 4 years yearning for a girlfriend but I failed for the entire 4 years lol. I went to clubs so many times a week but I never kissed a stranger, not even once, although I did kiss just a few girls (like 5 in 4 years) over my time at University, but I needed to be drunk to do it.

    Last year, I did NoFap unintentionally without even knowing what it was. I was studying abroad in China and sharing a room with 3 other people – my roommate, his girlfriend, and a friend of mine who was visiting from my home country. That’s the reason why I wasn’t masturbating or watching porn.

    That time of no masturbating lasted around 45 days. I never noticed at the time, but looking back at those 45 days, I was more sociable than I had ever been, behaving like an alpha and I actually got my first ever girlfriend at the age of 22. And in my unbiased opinion, she was easily the hottest girl in the dorm I was living in. So after wanting a girlfriend for 4 FUCKING YEARS and failing, I finally managed to get one the very first time I ever quit PMO for over a month since discovering it. And I didn’t even know what NoFap was at that time or that it would apparently give me life changing benefits.

    For some reason, I started PMO again while I was with her. I used it to deal with the stress and arguments we ended up having. I can see now that because of returning to PMO, I started acting like a beta male bitch again and her behaviour started showing less signs of attraction – I think it was because I had less semen in me. When we first met, she was magnetically attracted to me, kept holding my hand and when we became a couple, she wanted kisses all the time. When I returned to my old habits, she didn’t care about kisses, she gave me less attention, became rude, disrespectful and even a little flirty with other boys even while I was there. That’s the difference in a relationship when you have retained semen and behave like an alpha compared to when you are empty and behave like a beta male.

    We eventually broke up and I discovered a book by Mantak Chia which I highly recommend called Taoist Secrets of Love. This is one of those books that changes the way you see and live your life. In a nutshell, it taught me about the power of semen, the correct way to use that energy and the correct way to use sex. I googled more and came across NoFap a few months ago. I read all the experiences that were similar to mine, about finding porn at a young age, not realising what you were doing and all the similar symptoms. And then I read about the success stories and watched Youtube videos which inspired me to consciously go on NoFap like how I did accidently when I was in China.

    Right now, I have craving to look at porn, to look at hentai and a real craving to masturbate while thinking about my ex. But fuck that. No more. Those days where I was accidently on NoFap, were the best days of my life. I finally fell in love after 23 years of being a single, masturbating loser virgin. I finally had friends and energy around people. I was happy and at that time, I had no idea that it was because of no PMO. I am currently on Day 15 and after day 90 I will stop counting the days.

    I want to be happy. I want to be in love again and I want to have sex again. I want to be an alpha male that she is attracted to and who can protect her, not that beta that I reverted back to, disappointing my girl. I want to have friends again. I want to have energy again. Energy to work out, to read, to apply myself, to socialise and live life to the fullest. This is my life and my responsibility.
    flyjoy likes this.

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