Egyptian gay porn addict.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Hopeful Egyptian, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. Hopeful Egyptian

    Hopeful Egyptian Fapstronaut

    49
    349
    53
    Hi,
    I don't know how to start, but let's start by introducing myself. I am Amr, an Egyptian doctor (several lines are put under being Egyptian and being a doctor). 29 years old, single, muslim.
    My thread may be long but I like to write details as possible.
    Everything started when I was in primary school (almost 11-13 years old). I was somehow introvert( may be till now), naive, obese child, who was only going to school then house and back again... so on. My vacation is mostly at home playing video games. My father was working abroad. So these are contributing factors becoming a gay. I was nerd, not bad to be a brilliant child, but I didn't live like most of teenagers as my age. We got our pc and started surfing the net and we got cable for the TV and satallite. I heard from friends about sex. I was curious and so watched. I found that I was attracted to masculine body, organ... being fat not outgoing and father abroad. I had the conflict of being muslim and watch porn and masturbate.
    I started chatting in gay groups, and started to meet when I was about 22 years old. I haven't met a lot of guys, i was shy and afraid at first but then I found out that I am not good at dating. I was always hesitant, having no self confidence, low self esteem, and OCD. These later on increased.
    I have seen psychiatrists several time but either I was not compliant enough or the psychotherapy and medications weren't effective. Contributing to this, is high fees of the therapist and meds. I know gay is not considered a disease by most countries, but at least I see there is contributing factors( father away, nerd, introvert, fat missing masculine body). I tried to keep praying, go to gym and stay fit. But I don't continue although I reached good body. Before. I had determination by this time. Thanks to God and my parents' support I accomplished lot of stuff. But there's negligence or low confidence. Being in arabic country, being gay is bad. Although I was and still hate being gay, as I want to marry and have kids. And being in Egypt, there is progressive deterioration in economy.
    Later started the gay apps to appear, I made accounts and deleted them for repentance. But every time the resistance increases. And my sexual fantasies and fetishes increase. I used porn to releif stress but now even if I am not stressed now I watch porn and masturbate even on my imagination until I feel I am out of semin. There is no fetish or porn type I didn't watch, but i focus on gays and specially nasty stuff. I feel I want more and more and new fantasies. Although my sexual encounters were few, and didn't try all fetishes( just few and tried hash, alcohol, popper couple of times), but I went to a bathhouse and after awhile I found out I cought HIV. This was on Jan. 2016. This increased my depression, self confidence further decreased, fear,... later My porn addiction increased. My determination and esteem much lowered, I stay in bed most of the time, lazy or tired to go out, work, go for activities even those I loved before. My memory, concentration, much decreased. My parents neither know about my orientation nor HIV status. I am almost 30 years old, not married, not working on my studiesor my body. Less care. I feel fatigued, indifference, body aches, effect of HIV meds.... All these are vicious circle. Porn caused me this and this caused me to watch porn. I even got erectile dysfunction, less ejaculation power and sure sperm.
    I either eat a lot or less mostly sleep some times have insomnia. Most of the time sad.
    At the beginning I thought I was versatile, now I feel I am bottom. I don't know if I can change, regain my sexual, mental and physical functions.
    I am upset and really need help. I feel hopeless, aimless. Don't know what this site can do, but if there is experts or real rehabilitation groups and branches in Egypt will be good. My problem I can't read a lot, I have like mental block, or lethargy. But I want to keep going in my life. I want to be good doctor, marry and have kids, restore my life, hormones,...
    Thanks for your patience and support.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2017
    Atlanticus likes this.
  2. Welcome Egyptian and good luck in your journey. :)
     
    Hopeful Egyptian likes this.
  3. Hopeful Egyptian

    Hopeful Egyptian Fapstronaut

    49
    349
    53
    Thank you.☺️
     
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    Hopeful Egyptian likes this.
  5. Hopeful Egyptian

    Hopeful Egyptian Fapstronaut

    49
    349
    53
    I don't have one but I need support.
    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Hopeful Egyptian likes this.
  7. Hopeful Egyptian

    Hopeful Egyptian Fapstronaut

    49
    349
    53
    Thanks
     
    D . J . likes this.
  8. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

    6,394
    3,062
    143
    Welcome Egyptian, I'm glad you're here!

    Let me offer a few thoughts.

    1. Whether you are gay or straight, nothing says you have to keep looking at porn or act out sexually. I am attracted to other males, and I have been celibate my whole life. Yes, I would like to have had children, but that didn't happen. I can look back and be sad at what I did not have, or I can look at what I DO have, and that's what I do.

    2. Also, nothing says you must look at porn. It's an addiction, and hard to defeat, but not impossible! There is a lot of help here on this site. If you look below, you can see a link to "What's working for me." Maybe that will help.

    I hope you keep coming back! I will pray for you; please pray for me!
     
    Hopeful Egyptian likes this.
  9. Hopeful Egyptian

    Hopeful Egyptian Fapstronaut

    49
    349
    53
    Thanks so much
     
  10. iWannaBeOK

    iWannaBeOK Fapstronaut

    12
    5
    3
    hey ya 3mr, hope you're doing OK man, I see that you didn't check in for a while, I think I can put you in contact with someone who'd help you reach HIV support groups, I had a coworker who mentioned passingly that he works in HIV rehabilitation, plz msg me when you're online , best of luck man
     
    Zondro likes this.
  11. Hey

    I'm just a normal ordinary member. No moderator super powers and no special insite. I share my ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) of what works for me.

    Just another warm welcome and a heart felt hello. This community has helped me so much.

    What worked for me was "working" it. It took hard work for me to complete a hard reboot (No pmo) for 120 days, then move into a Sex Positive mode.

    First, reading the literature published by NoFap itself along with reading journals.

    Then, doing the work. Writing in my journal and replying to introductions and other's journals.

    Finally, but not least, getting involved with the fellowship. I found it on the forums, but also in people's profiles. The forums tend to be longer posts, where the profiles tend to be more "conversational".

    That is what has worked for me. I like to remind myself that this community was here waiting for me with the lights on when I arrived. Now, I have to do my best to be there when someone comes to the community.

    * L

    ---

    PS: Why not say hello to some members? The fellowship is so important to me, I hope you might find it important as well.

    @GeeWhizz Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/152127/
    ---
    @Sunshadow Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/
    ---
    @Tomoya Okazaki Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143534/
    ---
    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/150280/
    ---
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    ---
    @Dragonnlife Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/136148
    ---
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    ---
    @Struggle Bug Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/141911/


    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.
     
    Zondro likes this.

Share This Page