Emergency Toolbox that helped me a lot during my first 100 Days

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by fercho29, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. Dear Fapstronauts:
    I want to share with you some texts that I saved in "Notes" in my cell phone to read during my urges. I found it useful to have it handy.
    They help me a lot during the weak moments, when I feel that I will lose the battle.
    Some things I took from other posts, some I wrote and some I copied from other sites. (I hope nobody claims copyrights, lol)
    I hope this helps
    Keep fighting

    1. Inspirational videos that helped me a lot during my reboot:


    2. These are my two favorite readings when I am in emergency:

    To figure out if something is good for you, you have to ask two simple questions : where does it lead me? And how will it leave me?

    For every urge you face, you give yourself a choice. Do you give in, or do you outlast the urge? No urge is uncontrollable. No matter how shitty how situation is at the time, you can always make the right decision to walk away and stay clean.

    "...maybe we shouldn't even call it addiction. Maybe we should call it bonding. Human beings have a natural and innate need to bond, and when we're happy and healthy, we'll bond and connect with each other, but if you can't do that, because you're traumatized or isolated or beaten down by life, you will bond with something that will give you some sense of relief. Now, that might be gambling, that might be pornography, that might be cocaine, that might be cannabis, but you will bond and connect with something because that's our nature. That's what we want as human beings."

    I guess it comes down to only two options; get busy living...or get busy dying." - Andy Dufraene

    The NF journey

    I lost count of my streak (been a few months) and the mere thought of fapping just makes me sick nowadays. I can't even imagine myself returning to my old ways. Ever.

    Just the thoughts of:

    • Being a creepy, lonely fucker- sitting in a dark room alone, face lit by a mechanical, cold computer screen that does not give a damn about you.

    • The sweaty hands and balls, stinking crotch and heavy, animalistic breathing- like you're a fiendish creature. The more you watch and wank, the more disturbing your fetish gets. You end up watching gay sex when your not even turned on by gay sex. Beastiality. Peadophilia. You name it. It erodes your conscience. You're a beast.

    • The frying of your dopamine receptors- and your mind is submerged; eroding in a chemical bath. You're somewhere else, and nothing makes sense. Your facial expression is enough to turn your mother away in disgust.

    • The mindless, 5 seconds worth of numbness upon orgasm (I say numbness- this isn't pleasure not even close). Forgotten as soon as it happens. No emotion post orgasm. Just the blurry vision and aching heart. Your dick hates you for lying to it again and shrivels up even smaller than before.

    • Your load- the millions of sperm, the life force in your body, scrunched up in a tissue and thrown in the bin. These sperm, your potential future sons and daughters, spat out and killed, left to rot in the rubbish because of your selfish, ghastly desires.

    • And that EMPTY ass feeling when it's all over- you fall back into reality with a crash. You quickly turn off the porn on your PC because you suddenly fucking hate it. It's the worst thing ever at this point.

    • Then that burning sensation of regret as you sit there alone. Thinking "What the fuck". You spend the rest of the day alone- weakness, anxiety, depression all kicks in 10x worse than before you PMO'd. Video games are your friend- they don't judge you for being so vile. Soulless, mechanical mediums suddenly replace intimacy with real people.

    • You can't look your mom in the eye and tell her you love her, you can't go outside and play football with your innocent, pure brother. You can't imagine helping your sister with her homework because the thought of being alone in a room with a "vagina" instantly means you must fuck it.

    • Withdrawal from closest friends who cannot help you because they've no idea what the problem is. Grades suffer- future looks bleak. Think about ending it, suicide. Think about cutting yourself, drugs, prostitutes... And then realise you're a pathetic fuck who hasn't got the balls to do either-

    • And so you turn on your computer. And so the cycle continues.

    NoFappers, looking back at these points in my life, I hand on heart swear that PMO addiction is the worst thing to have ever happened to me. It sickens me thinking of these points in my life, and I vow I'll never return to this endless cycle of misery.

    And I hope that those out there reading this can relate to my experiences, and see in writing how pathetic it is to give in to these urges. See with your own eyes and learn from my experiences about about how PMO lifestyle is just a downward spiral. And find it within yourself to bring yourselves out of this pit of darkness.

    It's not worth it at all is it? Don't destroy your valuable, short time on this earth. Live it to the fullest, and live it well. There are no second chances.

    I wish you all the best,

  2. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    OMG - I just love graphic lists like that, We need to feel the real disgust of this sickness. You shared it with me before. For some reason, though, I had an interesting, unexpected reaction this time. I just broke out in laughter - but not because it's anything to laugh about, but because I've been fu*king suffering all day, and this was a refreshing thing to read - it broke me out of my misery - my suffering compared with that shitty life - suddenly I don't feel so bad.
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
    GoingHAM, Rekilez, claymen and 4 others like this.
  3. Glad it gave you this feeling @JoeinMD
    This was exactly what I was looking for when I saved it.
    We forget too fast how bad we used to feel before starting rebooting.
    It happens to me all the time: I feel a bit depressed some days, but until i do not read this I do not remember how much worst I used to feel, how sad and with no incentive to live. i was constantly feeling a strong force pressing my chest
    I hope this texts help you in tough days like today, and happy to make you laugh
    Keep fighting
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2015
    alardea, Rekilez, Vilu98 and 3 others like this.
  4. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    Yes, it helped tonight. I even thought up a few more really good ones - probably too far out there to publish (really gross, but that's the idea, right?) - but they worked. Thanks, man
    Rekilez likes this.
  5. Anti-Porn Army Soldier

    Anti-Porn Army Soldier Fapstronaut

    Great post
    Your opinions sure resonates with mine and I hope I conquer this addiction by the end of this year.
    LEPAGE likes this.
  6. Temujin

    Temujin Guest

    Thanks for this collection. I shall take from it what I feel will work for me. Congratulations on reaching 100 days!
  7. slowhands

    slowhands Fapstronaut

    Thanks @fercho29 !
    I was looking for something like this and just boomarked this page!
    I will need it for sure during my journey!
  8. I am happy this helps you @slowhands
    This is why I posted it, I found very helpful some post from other Fapstronauts during my first weeks of rebooting.
    Do not hesitate in contacting me if you need. I see that you are starting over today, and this may be hard
    BTW, what is a "ciggy"?
  9. Everything that works for you it is great, no matter how gross may be for somebody else @JoeinMD
    Unfortunately we need sometimes to shock our "inner demons" to be able to keep clean.
    Urges are EVERYWHERE
    I went to the gym yesterday night to relieve some stress and dopamine from a stressful day at work, but the gym was a parade of beautiful men and women that were raising my urges (the problem of being bisexual is that you get aroused by more people, lol).
    I got back to my house, I turnes on the TV, and EVERY TV had soft core images all over
    We need a lot of Willpower to avoid temptations in our modern world
    Keep fighting
    Rekilez and JoeinMD like this.
  10. slowhands

    slowhands Fapstronaut

    Exactly! yesterday I went through binging after a 4-day-streak and now I'm at the starting point again. But motivations are not missing at least! :D

    Oh, it's cigarette! I'm trying to quit smoking and it's going quite good! idk but it seems that quitting PMO is way harder than quitting smoking, damn!
    wounded fighter likes this.
  11. Thank you @Anti-Porn Army Soldier for your support!
    Cool avatar, BTW :)
    Keep fighting
  12. Yes @slowhands
    I think that quitting PMO is much harder because it is the "silent addiction" that nobody notices, different than doing drugs, alcohol, eating, etc.
    On the other hand, I believe that trying to quit both at the same time can be too much for you. I've read that we should fight one addiction at a time
    Good luck
    wounded fighter, elmss and slowhands like this.
  13. Thank you very much @Temujin , feel free to use whatever you want
  14. New Focus

    New Focus Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this fercho- it really resonated with me, probably more so since I acted out yesterday. I cannot even ever imagine what it must be like to be 100 days free and confident that you want to never return to PMO.

    I have been fighting this for over 17 years- it has really been longer than that, I am talking about 17 years of recovery- of trying to quit. I have been forever stuck in the 7-14 day cycles...I fear I am running out of time.

    Thanks for your story.
    Rekilez and Super Mega Human like this.
  15. CountryDude

    CountryDude Fapstronaut

    Fantastic post! Thank you.
  16. fapshooter

    fapshooter Fapstronaut

    Woah what a great set of notes! they really hit me. And congratulations on you 100 streak bud!
  17. Thank you @CountryDude
    I hope this helps you, feel free to use it as your emergency tool box if you want
    Keep fighting
  18. Thank you @fapshooter for your support. I am really happy, it was 35 years of fapping and porn that finally I start to leave behind
  19. Hi @New Focus
    It is never too late until we breath for last time.
    In my case, weeks 2nd to 5 Th. were the most difficult. I had a terrible ball ache, I was super moody, shouting to anybody out of the blue, or starting suddenly to cry.
    You need to get very well prepared for the withdrawal, otherwise you will fail once and again.
    Have you tried NoFap Academy?
    They give you a lot of tools to face the struggle, particularly what they call " the willpower process"
    I strongly recommend you to enroll, they also have two video conference calls on Monday when you can ask questions or seek advise
    I wish you all the best
    Blue Clouds likes this.
  20. greg0ry

    greg0ry Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this!