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Emergency Toolbox that helped me during my first 320 days of reboot

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by fercho29, Mar 29, 2016.

  1. Hi Guys:
    I want to update my "Emergency Toolbox" with all the new stuff I have been compiling during these 10 and a half months.
    I called "Emergency Toolbox" to some readings that I saves in my cell phone Notes to have them handy to read in "case of emergency" (meaning when I get urges).
    They were very helpful, specially the first few months, when I struggled a lot and felt that I could not stand the suffering and needed to relapse.
    Reading this helped me focus, and also remember how bad I felt when I started reboot and how much I have moved forward since then. Many times they saved me, I hope they will be helpful for you too.
    I just wrote a few, all the rest I copied from other NoFap posts or took them from other websites or videos.

    1. The NF journey (I took this from NoFap reddit, I find this is the best description of how shitty we feel as PMO addicts)

    Been here for a while on this throwaway, but this is my first ever post.

    I lost count of my streak (been a few months) and the mere thought of fapping just makes me sick nowadays. I can't even imagine myself returning to my old ways. Ever.

    Just the thoughts of:

    • Being a creepy, lonely fucker- sitting in a dark room alone, face lit by a mechanical, cold computer screen that does not give a damn about you.

    • The sweaty hands and balls, stinking crotch and heavy, animalistic breathing- like you're a fiendish creature. The more you watch and wank, the more disturbing your fetish gets. You end up watching gay sex when your not even turned on by gay sex. Beastiality. Peadophilia. You name it. It erodes your conscience. You're a beast.

    • The frying of your dopamine receptors- and your mind is submerged; eroding in a chemical bath. You're somewhere else, and nothing makes sense. Your facial expression is enough to turn your mother away in disgust.

    • The mindless, 5 seconds worth of numbness upon orgasm (I say numbness- this isn't pleasure not even close). Forgotten as soon as it happens. No emotion post orgasm. Just the blurry vision and aching heart. Your dick hates you for lying to it again and shrivels up even smaller than before.

    • Your load- the millions of sperm, the life force in your body, scrunched up in a tissue and thrown in the bin. These sperm, your potential future sons and daughters, spat out and killed, left to rot in the rubbish because of your selfish, ghastly desires.

    • And that EMPTY ass feeling when it's all over- you fall back into reality with a crash. You quickly turn off the porn on your PC because you suddenly fucking hate it. It's the worst thing ever at this point.

    • Then that burning sensation of regret as you sit there alone. Thinking "What the fuck". You spend the rest of the day alone- weakness, anxiety, depression all kicks in 10x worse than before you PMO'd. Video games are your friend- they don't judge you for being so vile. Soulless, mechanical mediums suddenly replace intimacy with real people.

    • You can't look your mom in the eye and tell her you love her, you can't go outside and play football with your innocent, pure brother. You can't imagine helping your sister with her homework because the thought of being alone in a room with a "vagina" instantly means you must fuck it.

    • Withdrawal from closest friends who cannot help you because they've no idea what the problem is. Grades suffer- future looks bleak. Think about ending it, suicide. Think about cutting yourself, drugs, prostitutes... And then realise you're a pathetic fuck who hasn't got the balls to do either-

    • And so you turn on your computer. And so the cycle continues.

    NoFappers, looking back at these points in my life, I hand on heart swear that PMO addiction is the worst thing to have ever happened to me. It sickens me thinking of these points in my life, and I vow I'll never return to this endless cycle of misery.

    And I hope that those out there reading this can relate to my experiences, and see in writing how pathetic it is to give in to these urges. See with your own eyes and learn from my experiences about about how PMO lifestyle is just a downward spiral. And find it within yourself to bring yourselves out of this pit of darkness.

    It's not worth it at all is it? Don't destroy your valuable, short time on this earth. Live it to the fullest, and live it well. There are no second chances.

    I wish you all the best,

    2. This has became my life motto, I repeat it to myself every time I feel an urge, I took it from some inspirational video:

    "To figure out if something is good for you, you have to ask two simple questions : where does it lead me? And how will it leave me?"

    "For every urge you face, you give yourself a choice. Do you give in, or do you outlast the urge? No urge is uncontrollable. No matter how shitty how situation is at the time, you can always make the right decision to walk away and stay clean."

    3. "...maybe we shouldn't even call it addiction. Maybe we should call it bonding. Human beings have a natural and innate need to bond, and when we're happy and healthy, we'll bond and connect with each other, but if you can't do that, because you're traumatized or isolated or beaten down by life, you will bond with something that will give you some sense of relief. Now, that might be gambling, that might be pornography, that might be cocaine, that might be cannabis, but you will bond and connect with something because that's our nature. That's what we want as human beings."
    From a TED Talk inspirational video

    4. Carpe Diem, seize the day, make your life extraordinary:

    Why he has the right to use these lines?

    …because we are food for worms. Because believe it or not, each and every one of us one day we will stop breathing, turn cold and die. They believed that they were destined for great things; their eyes were full of hope. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."
    Robin Williams in "Dead Poets Society"

    5. I guess it comes down to only two options; get busy living...or get busy dying." - Andy Dufraene

    6. "They are human beings, they are simple guys, they are not Adonis, some god that I need to idolize".
    A recommendation from my good friend @JoeinMD

    7. "It's this ethical, moral paralysis that I have been dumbfounded by many times - I've literally have caught myself going into a comatose state and becoming numb in my mind, letting my ethical voice get suspended (I've even acknowledged this happening in the past, but let it happen still), so that one lapsing moment, one-second of consent in will, relinquishes me to the downfall and shit of addiction once again. I've seen it unfold before me many times and have still chosen the sickness. "

    8. “I'm worth more than a dark room wank to a pixilated babe who name you'll never even know.”

    9. “There is nothing as powerful as a change of mind.
    You can change everything else, but if you do not change your mind the same experiences will perpetuate over and over again because everything outwardly changes but nothing inside you changes.
    If you want to change something in your life, if there is some goal you want to reach, changing your behavior and overcoming negative habits is something challenging and hard.
    The only thing that will make you happy is to step up, discover what you are capable and feel that incredible power pushing though wherever is holding you back, and get to the other side.
    How much time do you have left? We do not know. Stop wasting valuable time, if you want something you have to be relentless.
    The ability to face sweat again and again without giving up is the power to endure, this is the winner quality. This power only becomes available when somebody is in that state of mind when he or she knows exactly what wants and is fully determined not to quit until they find it.
    You are unstoppable; love your life with passion.
    I've got what it takes. This is my day, and nothing out here is going to stop me.”

    From "Mindshift", a motivational video.

    10. “I realized I was not using porn because it felt good. I came to view porn as a way to run away from pain and loneliness.

    I was feeling bad and I can just turn on porn and I can forget the world, forget myself, forget my problems; run away from everything and just lose myself for some moments.
    I feel awake now, and being awake hurts but it also feels incredible.
    Despite all the pleasure that you can get from porn, I do not have any cherished memories from watching porn.
    I indulged in fantasy all that time and I ran away from reality.
    I feel more connected to every moment in my own life now and every moment is more powerful without porn.
    I love my life so much now that I am not running away from my life anymore.”

    11. "This isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge."

    From the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire”

    12. All limiting beliefs are rooted in fear. Fear is the aversion to discomfort and pain.

    Pretty much every problem we face as humans comes back to fear. This is because all of our problems come from trying to avoid discomfort and pain. This pain can be physical, emotional, or mental. This pain that we are resisting can be the pain of having to detach from a desire, the fear of moving forward in uncertainty, or the fear of facing our own truth.I believe that many people’s reliance on porn is because they have not learned how to effectively manage this stress. Porn and orgasm are such powerful levels of stimulation that they can make you forget about your worries for a while. For many people, they may feel that PMO is the only escape they have to deal with the troubles in their lives.

    If you want to make your reboot easier, then you need to learn how to create your own security.

    Otherwise, you risk the chance of getting overwhelmed, panicking, and turning to porn to escape the discomfort of your own self-created stress. If you feel like you aren’t creating your own stress and it’s some external circumstance’s fault, then you aren’t taking ownership of your own perceptions.

    An even simpler argument is that, just by looking at the design, we can clearly conclude that the penis was made for the vagina, not the hand, and semen was made for fertilizing eggs, not for fertilizing tissues. Throw a computer screen and infinite pixilated hotties into the mix and masturbation seems anything but natural.

    Mark Queppet from NoFap Academy

    13. “The more heavily you’ve identified with something, the more it has become a part of you. Just like when part of your body gets cut off and you feel pain, when an emotional attachment gets cut off, it hurts. This is the pain that we cannot avoid, no matter how good we are at modifying our own emotions.

    Here is where the turmoil lies: your intellect realizes that the path of lust (and lack) leads nowhere truly worth going, but your subconscious wants to cling to the fleeting-but-familiar pleasures of this road. Your subconscious is afraid of finding a new path. It protests:

    “What if there is no happiness to be found out there? We should keep trying lust, maybe we will be happy if we have sex with someone hot enough. If we stray from this path then we might not find anything, and if there’s nothing better out there, then we’re better off sticking with the pleasure we know we can find on this trail.”

    So what we are seeing here is that in order to gain freedom, we must detach. This detachment requires that we sacrifice our current experience of comfort to eventually gain a new experience a new, less conditional, form of comfort

    Mark Queppet from NoFap Academy

    14. I noticed that you are a Bible reader, i think that a scripture that really ties to this is James 1:14,15, it is natural to be lured by and enticed by our wrong thoughts or desires, its when we let those thought become reality that we head down the path to death, or in the case of PMO or acting out i usually think of it as the DARKNESS because that is how it makes me feel to the core of my soul... Choosing is our defense against the addict, it is what makes us our true self, it is the reminder that we are responsible for our actions, not our every thought... keep making the right choices where ever you are in the funnel, remembering that you can still get out, and when you do, which i am sure you will again and again (because the funnel is just part of our lives even when we are beyond the current state, because sex is a natural part of our being), be proud because that is the feeling that you want to keep getting... you want the joy of success which is much stronger than the fear of failure...

    15. "A Slip Does Not Need to Become a Slide":

    If you slip, your addict may tell you to just keep going: ”Since you’ve already slipped, you might as well do more.” But if you start to slip, or you do slip, that doesn’t mean you need to continue to slide. What if you were on a mountainside and you slipped? Would you give up and just keep sliding until you fell off the mountain? Or would you try to get a foothold and keep climbing upward? If you slip in your recovery, you can still stop right there and just keep climbing. You might have some ground to make up, but you can do it. You have the tools.
    A crisis can be a gold mine. That may sound contradictory, but it’s true. For example, if you’re triggered and you successfully resist, you will less likely to be triggered next time. We all live in worlds of chaos and unpredictable moments. When you are prepared, you can turn what could have been a slip into another positive step in your recovery.

    16. I can't over-emphasize this enough......all of those white knuckle battles.....all of the moments of feeling like I was going to slip....that it was INEVITABLE that I would......feeling that even if I make it through tonight, there is no way an hell I can do this "forever". Those battles MUST be won. Over and over and over until the become less and and less frequent......and then one day its like they stop. Not because urges go away, per se......but because THE ADDICT gets tired of losing. HE learns that there is just no easy way to get us to slip. That we are ready to white knuckle and fight through ANYTHING. And once the addict realizes this, HE doesn't want to go through the pain of continued defeat.

    @cpf from NoFap

    17. I was sitting in my garden drinking a fruit juice. I’d just indulged in a porn fest (even though I really didn’t want to) and was feeling… weak and controlled. I no longer felt that I had a choice. The urge came on. I indulged it. I felt shit afterward. It had become a habitual cycle. I knew that I wanted to lose this addiction, but I just couldn’t find enough reason to stop. I kept rationalizing that “a little bit won’t do you any harm.”

    Deep down I also knew that the little bit was getting bigger and bigger. It needed to be stopped.

    The Wasp story
  2. someguyfromnz

    someguyfromnz Fapstronaut

    Hey man, just wanna thank you for this. bookmarked it. this stopped me relapsing last night - as in I gave myself a few minutes to try find a reason not to watch P, thinking nothing will stop me - and this did. This list speaks to me better then anything else I have seen. Thankyou so much for taking the time to share it. <3
  3. abutrustworthy

    abutrustworthy Fapstronaut

    "A Slip Does Not Need to Become a Slide":
    If you slip, your addict may tell you to just keep going: ”Since you’ve already slipped, you might as well do more.” But if you start to slip, or you do slip, that doesn’t mean you need to continue to slide. What if you were on a mountainside and you slipped? Would you give up and just keep sliding until you fell off the mountain? Or would you try to get a foothold and keep climbing upward? If you slip in your recovery, you can still stop right there and just keep climbing. You might have some ground to make up, but you can do it. You have the tools.
    A crisis can be a gold mine. That may sound contradictory, but it’s true. For example, if you’re triggered and you successfully resist, you will less likely to be triggered next time. We all live in worlds of chaos and unpredictable moments. When you are prepared, you can turn what could have been a slip into another positive step in your recovery."

    @Fercho : This is my all time number 1 destroyer. Almost 90% of time when I end up with a full fledged relapse starts with a small slip as simple as going for grocery and having my eyes falling in to a woman/girl with revealing cloths. I would straight away loose my mind and that is the time when my inner addict will kick in and will tell me that I have already broken the jar, it is not acceptable, I should continue and take the full doze of dopamine. That is when I aimlessly start voyeurism by finding more and more revealing people and then when I wont find I will open my phone and start looking at nasty and triggering video clips online until I end up masturbating to attain orgasm. If I can only pull myself back from that initial slip and shut the inner addict up by telling him that "it is okay, I slipped that doesn't mean I should throw myself off the cliff " if I can train myself to do that I will attain greater success in my recovery by the will of god.
  4. Hi guys:
    I am just back from the beach. I left my job, took my bicycle and rode 20 minutes to the beach, where I did my Tai Chi practice while watching the sun disappearing , listening the sounds of the ocean and some Chinese relaxation music.
    I felt SO ALIVE as I have not felt in the last 20 years. I felt so happy, free and full of energy, in perfect harmony with the nature and the environment.
    In the past, I would have return from work and getting a 2 hours binge of PMO, because my wife was not there.
    But this time was different, and I am super happy about this.
    Guys: it is hard, it is painful, but it is worth it. Some days you will feel that it is not worth it, and will want to get back to watch porn and Fap. Please, stay on your ground, think it over, think about an idiot who spent 41 of his 51 years in PMO , losing so many beautiful sunsets on the beach as I experienced today (actually I live in the East Coast, so I saw the sun setting just in my imagination, lol).
    Keep on fighting
  5. david-ca

    david-ca Fapstronaut

    It was great man
    It really looks like it can help one if he/she is really willing to stop
    I'm gonna try the list
    fercho29 likes this.
  6. Sure @david-ca , if you have the will power everything is possible
    Try some of these techniques and let me know how they worked
  7. kcarahcaz

    kcarahcaz New Fapstronaut

    The "Just the thoughts of:..." bullet points painted such a dark image in my head man. At some points it turned my stomach upside down because of how close it hit to home. I will be using that as fuel for my fire. I never want to go back to those habits or that mindset again.
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2016
    mjs0344, Espi1971, naturehigh and 5 others like this.
  8. Hi @kcarahcaz
    I am glad this post gave you such repulsive strong feelings. I copied it from a Reddit post and was the first reading I used to get down the urges when they appeared
    We can all relate to this images of solitude, decadence and low self- esteem
    I am reaching one year PMO free in a couple of weeks, and the sense of freedom I experience now it was impossible to imagine one year ago
    I wish you the best luck in your reboot
    Keep on fighting
    Yozin, Reborn16 and im_alive like this.
  9. Hanging by a thread

    Hanging by a thread Fapstronaut

    Hello, congrats on your soon one year free pmo. I was wondering how you did it? Meaning did you still have sex with your wife? Did you abstain for certain periods? My bf is trying to do pmo free but we are sexually active, I was wondering if this will hinder his reboot process or if it's OK being its not artificial stimulation and it is with a loving partner? Any advice and suggestions will be helpful. Thank you
  10. Hi @Hanging by a thread
    I feel you pain and how disoriented you may be as partner of an addict n recovery
    It is very important for him that you support his efforts, it may probably be one of the main drivers for his recovery yo be a better spouse to you
    I did have sex with my wife during reboot, although the first time was the 3 rd week, and we tried to do it the minimum possible.
    I would have failed if I would not have had any sex, after 41 years of fapping 4-5 times per day I would have exploded !
    The most important thing is that HE needs to be sure that when he is having sex with you he is not thinking on any porn video or any other sex scene to get aroused. This is a common trick we PMO addicts use all the time.
    As soon as he starts doing this, he should promise that you will stop. Although it may sounds extreme, it is the only way having sex with you will help him.
    The reason why the creators of NoFap recommend "hard mode" ( meaning zero sex during the first 90 days) is because it is not too easy to avoid fantasizing about porn, because it is too much engrained inside our brain.
    It took me at least 7-8 months not to " day dream" porn any longer!
    I hope this helps you, and keep supporting him, this will make the difference
    LakeMichigan and Asgardian36 like this.
  11. Hanging by a thread

    Hanging by a thread Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your response, he is my bf now but wants to get married soon. I am in no rush being there is a serious obstacle in our way, the addiction. I know addicts like to avoid the reality of things and think if they do it will just go away but we all know the truth deep down, addiction does not go away because you change your home, your name, your looks, your partner. It Sits in waiting because you won't face it. Thank you for the good advice, I've tried to ask him a few times if he's just thinking of me during sex, he says yes and sometimes is annoyed at the question, usually when he shows annoyance it means there is some guilt. I can only take his word for it and hope he is being honest to himself, only time will tell I guess. I've told him that the reboot is absolutely necessary to progress because if your brain is still chemically imbalanced he will never be able to stop fantasizing regardless of if he's stopped porn. I know it's imperative to rid the brain of the images and imbalance. It's hard as his partner to be so supportive (keep him on track) because as you know, the messenger gets the brunt of the anger from the addict, but if I'm not on top of things I know he will likely ignore what should be done, not purposely but that's how men are, they don't face things until pushed in a corner to address it. I encouraged him to go to therapy and he's been very committed, I'm proud of him for finally acknowledging after 20 years of porn watching that he has a problem and I'm proud he's going to therapy. It's impossible for him to go hard mode as he's been fapping for a long time and is very high testosterone, especially with his stressful job. I asked him once if he thought being sexual may hinder his progress, he was a little upset and said why should everything be taken away from me? Which I understand. I can only hope he is being honest to himself and not fantasizing about porn or fantasies. We do have sex often so that would be a big waste if he is fantasizing. I however have to put my faith in him for this to work so i do believe him. We have a hard time going out because I see he struggles with objectifying women. I spoke to a few others on this site that have said that if he follows the plan of no porn he will eventually stop objectifying or atleast deal with it much better. Most people have mentioned it took 6 to 9 mos to notice they didn't objectify as much anymore, which I am happy to hear because it is one of my main issues lately that has left me feeling very uncomfortable and not wanting to go out with him. If it continues I don't see a possible future, how can a woman be with a man that doesn't make her feel very good about herself, his objectifying may be due to the disease but its still hurtful and no person should have to deal with that. All I can do is be hopeful he works the plan to reboot and see what changes can occur in his brain, I am hopeful due to successfull stories like yours. Did you find yourself objectifying? Were you able to stop or get better with that? How long did it take if you did get better? I think that side effect is a big one for most of us significant others trying to be supportive.
  12. Hanging by a thread

    Hanging by a thread Fapstronaut

    BTW, were you able to not fantasize during sex or have slip ups? If slipped, how often and when were you able to control not fantasizing? Any special technique? Tx
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

    Hey you described me... I'm just a hideous beast in the light of a computer screen.
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  14. Hi @Lord of Cinders Gwyn , you can see that you are not alone in this shit. Believe it or not this was comforting for me when I started rebooting.
    We all feel like shit and we all feel that we cannot get out of this hole. But believe me, you can do it if you have the will power.
    You need to start making changes in your life, one at a time.
    I hope you can use some of the tools I've posted here. If you can afford it I strongly recommend you to enroll n NoFap Academy, Mark and @alexander will help you a lot
    Keep on fighting
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  15. I want to add today a great inspirational post written by @TheAVExperiment , great job dude!

    Right now, while you are reading this:

    There are many guys beating their meats in front of a monitor.

    Do you think that all of them know what is happening right now to their brains?
    Do you think that they know everything that you know about PMO and about what that causes?
    Do you prefer to use your sexual energy during workouts, with a REAL girl or do you prefer to shoot it out while looking at things that are not even in front of you?
    You know what, all those guys right now, are making themselves miserable, not because of M, I am not agaist that after a good reboot. They are making themselves miserables because they live in a fake world, their brains did a good job on them, and they think that real sex is what they are looking at. I bet you are laughing, but that is the truth, they are fapping away all their energy and sexual desire to a monitor, and they do not even understand what they are doing.

    But you are not one of those guys, are you?
    Nope, you've come to NoFap, you found YBOP, you watched TEDx talks, you understood what is happening to yourself.
    So the last question is, are you THAT STUPID and THAT WEAK to hurt yourself?
    Are you really worse than all of those countless people that are fapping away their lives?

    Answer only to yourself, because what you do today, and in the next days, will be the proof of who you really are. A man in control of himself, or a monkey that understands things, but is too stupid and weak to stop feeding his brain with P.

    Right now, while you are reading this, you are being one of the few lucky people who knows what to do in order to change his life, what are you waiting?
    Yozin, tonyk1982, Espi1971 and 11 others like this.
  16. Hi guys, I want to add another inspirational post written by our Fellow Fapstronaut @TheAVExperiment ? This guy has the gift to put in writing all the feelings and sensations we experience when we are in that foggy autopilot mode when we got an urge. Congratulation, man, you are a great inspirational writer!

    You are in your room, the windows are closed tight.
    The door is locked, you do not want anyone to look at you in that state.
    Is is dark all around you, dark as you feel inside of yourself.
    You know that what you will watch is WRONG,
    It is not natural, it is not true, it is not what you are.
    You have planned everything, it is a routine, you are there and ready,
    The images start to flow on your screen, you are not yourself anymore,
    You are the primitive monkey that cannot take control over himself,
    You just want to feel that pleasure, you feel weak and worthless.
    Better to pleasure myself in the easy way rather than solve my problems.
    I have a stressful life, I have a dark past behind me, I want to live inside that screen.
    Yes it is the main reason, I do not want to accept the reality, I prefer the fake world.

    Today my windows is open.
    The Sun shines inside of my room.
    The door is never locked, I am open to myself and to the others.
    I am not sitting in the dark feeding my dark side,
    I am dressing up for a running session,
    The music that pumps my adrenaline is flowing into my ears,
    I will run, I will fight my darkest side, I will approach the Sun rather than the darkness of my room.
    I am ready for another day of fight,
    I have new goals, I have new hopes and I am the true me now.

    Be here with me, do not isolate yourself, live your life around other people.

    Is this not the perfect picture of how low we get during the PMO "sessions"?
    Yozin, Espi1971, yazy and 10 others like this.
  17. Erich@hatebate

    Erich@hatebate Fapstronaut

    I love your posttt I will do the same stratigy
    fercho29 likes this.
  18. Thank you @Erich@hatebate , I hope your reboot is going well
  19. Be Normal

    Be Normal Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your emergency toolbox!!!! This is awesome!!!
    rewiring4good, ivanhoe and fercho29 like this.