Emotional Acceptance

I've known or a long time now that PMO is an addiction that provides a short term solution for long-term problems... and it just doesn't work. I also know that PMO can show up during times of stress and problems. It is an escape from reality, and more than likely an attempt to avoid feeling bad. In fact, recent neurological studies show the brain is wired to avoid conflict and unpleasant experiences. It goes into self-preservation mode. I've read some really good posts recently about emotional processing and I agree 100% with the premise. Instead of avoiding unpleasant situations, accept them for what they are and let them pass without resorting to an addiction.

We can never isolate ourselves from pain and hurt. Life is a risk and so are relationships. Fapping to avoid life will never work. The problems remain long after the Dopamine rush is long gone. Here's a great article that does justice to the topic:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good

Cheers - HF

 

I found in the past whenever I was being tempted, all I had to do was to go back to the last thought that preceded the temptation and usually that was a stressful of painful thought. Instead of processing them, I would go off the dark end. Getting back to the last "real" thought helped me a lot. Usually then, I could figure out what was bothering me and work through it.

Welcome aboard chefboyxo!!

 

All true IMHO Harvhe. What I've learned over time is that I'm responsible for my own feelings of being upset. That doesn't mean that the feelings aren't real, it means I have to decide how to "digest" them, if that makes sense. In fact, on better days, I can choose not to let another persons actions create issues for me. Easier said than done, right? Another thing that I came to terms with was I only had authority to control one person.... me. And that person requires full-time attention. There may be others in my life who are unhappy and want to work to be miserable by their actions to validate there myopic view of the world. I can choose not to participate.

So in a round about way, I totally agree with you. The person who holds me back (I can't fix this) is really me. And in fact, you're right - you can't fix your father. He has his own issue... Others around us may have their issues... but my issues are the ones I own... like getting upset over what other people do and turning that into a PMO binge cycle. Point being, for me... if all the sudden life were great and relationships were rosy, I'll bet money, my own addictions would prevail unless I stay "sober."

Trust me, I know exactly what you are saying because the relational issues are a big trigger for me.